The Spy with My Face

No use leaving it in there, old boy.

Makes it really hard to get my shirt out now, wouldn't it?

Better leave it to the doctor. Seriously.

Well, yeah.

- Cleaned up out back? - There were only four.

Alright, check upstairs.

Smile, Kitt, you're on camera.

Beautiful. Simply exquisite.

Who was the one in command?

That, my dear, was Napoleon Solo.

Considered the top agent of United Network Command

for Law and Enforcement.

I wanted you both to see how handily he could neutralize

an entire 12-men complement.

THRUSH could use a few agents of Mr. Solo's caliber.

Hmm. We'll have them, my dear.

You know, it takes time to develop a good agent.

After all, Serena..

...you were not built in a day.

Pilot, hold the course to New York.

Yes, sir.

It's time to begin phase two of the August Affair.

'The attack upon our THRUSH Headquarters'

'in Australia was made by the United Network'

'Command for Law and Enforcement.'

'Their assault force was led by one of their American agents'

'Napoleon Solo.'

'He's seen here approaching a secret entrance'

'to the UNCLE Headquarters in New York City.'

'The other man in this photograph is Illya Kuryakin.'

'Another agent working for UNCLE.'

'The rest of these photographs were taken by one of our agents'

'who is now dead.'

'This is inside the tailor shop'

'from which through a dressing room'

'UNCLE agents gain entry to their offices'

'by operating a concealed switch.'

'From the tailor shop, agents move'

'through a steel enclosed corridor'

'passing various detection devices.'

'Here in UNCLE's communications room, we see Napoleon Solo'

'and Illya Kuryakin together with Mr. Waverly'

'who is number one of section one.'

'Let's have a closer look at these men.'

'Mr. Waverly, one of the top five men in UNCLE.'

'He will assign the agents to carry out the August Affair.'

'Illya Nickovitch Kuryakin represents a danger'

'to our plans, in that he is a very close friend'

'to Napoleon Solo.'

'Kuryakin might detect some flaw.'

'Steps are being taken to...eliminate him'

'before we start to take over the August Affair.'

'And, of course, there is... Napoleon Solo himself.'

Voice pattern's not yet perfect.

Resonance still registers 0.2 decibels plus treble.

No problem, a minor larynx adjustment

will take care of that.

A bit more cartilage in the upper nasal area.

The hairline raised, the larynx adjustment, of course.

We have five days maximum.

- By then we should be ready. - Splendid.

And then you'll be ready for your August Affair.

'You'll be a perfect double for Napoleon Solo.'

- Mr. Solo, how was New Guinea? - Hot.

While you were gone, uh..

"Sandy, Peggy, Sandy

Sheila, Sandy, Joyce, Sandy, Sandy--

Active little thing, isn't she?

Very.

Mr. Waverly is waiting for you.

Coffee, tea, or milk?

- Did I awaken you? - Not yet.

You're beautiful.

Hey, no fair peeking.

Who is this?

Napoleon?

Napoleon Solo!

I love you, Napoleon Solo.

Sandy?

Well, I just arrived back in town.

Who is, uh, that?

Oh, that's my new roommate, Taffy.

She's a girl. I mean, she's a stewardess too.

We just got in from a flight from Rome.

Well, I'm sorry, I just wanted to know

if you could, uh, possibly have dinner tonight?

I'll be ready at 6 o'clock, darling. Is that alright?

I may not be able to wait that long.

Then you stop by yourself, darling, and I'll catch up.

Muah.

I have a dinner date at 6 o'clock.

And I don't have a thing to wear.

That will never go out of style.

- Good morning, sir. - Not really.

Perhaps this will make your morning a bit more

uh, cheerful.

'A little something from Australia.'

'Microfilm, an in detail report..'

...complete with coded copies of documents

taken from THRUSH files after our raid.

'It might tell us something.'

Oh, we can't tell until we break the code, can we?

No, sir, but I'm sure that section four, uh..

You'll handle it.

Have your Russian friend give you a hand.

I'll, uh, get on it, uh, first thing tomorrow.

I want it before you leave tonight.

I, uh..

Yes, sir.

'More champagne, darling?'

'Of course, you will.'

'Oh!'

Mm.

Mmm.

Hmm.

Sweet.

Oh, you sweet, lovable

beautiful, sexy man, you..

Goodbye, Napoleon Solo, wherever you are.

Illya, would you, uh, mind doing me a favor?

I was wondering when you'd get around to it.

You don't mind finishing up alone?

No, I've, uh, got my computers to keep me warm.

Thank you. Oh, there is one more thing, uh--

Mm.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's Russian.

Oh, Bobo!

Oh!

You're so sweet. Yes.

Hmm.

'Sandy? It's me. Napoleon.'

Ha! Ha!

Sorry, I'm entertaining a gentleman!

It's okay, Bobo darling! Get back into bed.

I'll be there in a minute.

Goodnight, Mr. Napoleon Solo!

Would you mind? We'd like to be alone!

Well, I thought I'd just, uh, come along as a chaperone.

- Do you forgive me? - No!

I hate you, Napoleon Solo!

I'm sick and tired of being stood up by you.

Well, I'll never stand you up again.

Now why don't you just sit back and relax?

No! I want you out of my life!

Out! Out! Out! Mm. Mm.

Uh, sorry, old boy. Three is a bit of a crowd.

What would you like to do later?

Oh, I feel like Italian food.

Mm.

You don't feel anything like Italian food.

- I don't? - No.

You feel like, um, lady fingers.

- Mm. - And cream puffs.

'And sponge cake..'

'...and strawberry crush.'

'Mm.'

Can we monitor them now on the television screen?

No, I think Mr. Solo is entitled to his privacy.

There's a time when prying ends and a sense of morality begins.

Goodnight.