Southern Comfort

Left, right, left, left, left…

Over here.

Everybody out of the truck.

Over to the ammo dump. Get the hell going in a hurry.

Casper, come on with me.

Hey, Fred, can you help me get this stuff unloaded?

Get that damn thing up here.

I read they're looking for professionals in Africa.

What — whores?

No, mercenaries, Sarge.

Mexico and Latin America too.

Mercs are getting 1300 a month plus transportation.

They want combat soldiers, Casper, not typists.

I was told to report to you, sergeant. I'm Hardin.

Rifleman Charles Hardin, corporal. Where're you from, Charlie?

El Paso.

Is that right? Tell me how you like being

in the Louisiana National Guard all of a sudden.

I don't.

But then I didn't much like being in the Texas Guard either.

Well, not liking the Texas Guard makes sense.

Not liking the Louisiana Guard can get you into trouble with me.

You got that?

Got it.

You get your butt on over to 2nd squad — you'll recon with them.

Casper, show him the way.

Introduce him to the boys.

Right.

Cease fire!

We sure get all the good details around here.

It'll be good exercise for you, Simms. Put a little muscle in your pants.

That's the last thing I need, Coach.

Unless you want to take care of it?

Listen, Stuckey.

Maybe I'll just bend you in half so you can take care of it yourself.

Easy, big fella!

Listen, Stuckey. I like a joke just like anybody, but I don't like that one.

- Come on, now. - Ah! I'm with you Coach.

Speaking for myself, I like women.

Yeah, we won't be seeing many of them.

- Life's full of surprises. - What does that mean?

I've arranged for a little treat for the weekend, boys.

Six whores de combat awaiting our assault.

I'm sure they'll fuck us in a more interesting way

than the Louisiana National Guard has.

- You ain't kidding, right? - Oh, I never joke about women.

Women? What women?

Got some hookers at the end of the line, Coach.

- You mean prostitutes? - Exactly what I mean.

This is new low, Spencer, even for you.

I got 'em scheduled to meet us just outside of Catahoula.

They ought to be there about the time we emerge from the…

great primordial swamp.

- You got one for me? - Me?

You mean us, don't you, brother? What's happening here?

Hey boy, the purpose of the National Guard

is to keep you darker brothers away from decent Southern women.

- Man! - However…

in the spirit of the New South, I have made full arrangements.

What about you, Hardin?

I got a wife. You can count me out of this one.

I suppose you're used to a more serious soldiering over in El Paso?

We had things organized over there.

Watch a ball game on TV, shoot dice and sleep.

Louisiana Guard is a little different.

They have us out doing really important things like…

beating up on college kids and tear gassing niggers.

Please, Mr Guardsman, no more canisters.

Don't set the shepherd dogs on me.

See what I mean?

We have a long, noble military tradition.

- Hey, Casper! Huh?

Cut it off, Stuckey. Act like a soldier, you damn dumb son of a bitch.

In the real world do you do something useful

or are you like the rest of the men in the 2nd squad?

I work for Tramco. Chemical engineer.

College man.

They're kind of rare in Texas, aren't they?

Oh, we manage to come up with one every now and then.

You know, one might get the impression

you don't enjoy an occasional chat with your fellow guardsmen.

Guess what? You're right.

Now, I can't say as I blame you here and there.

Reece is under the impression most of the time that he's in a dime novel

and Stuckey…

He isn't smart enough to read a dime novel.

- The Coach, well… - Yeah, I think I know the type.

Look, these guys are OK.

They just wanna have a little fun with you being the new boy an' all.

They're not OK. They're just Louisiana versions

of the same dumb rednecks I've been around my whole life.

Hup! Hup, two, three, four! Come on boys, come on!

Hup! Hup!

When I was training in Fort Polk once our instructor got bit…

right here, by a coral snake.

Just put his hand on a log and took his machete out and just…

cut it right off, took it right off.

- Horse shit! - Bullshit!

I swear it's the truth. Just fuck you! I don't give a shit. Believe it or not.

For those of you who are interested,

we are going on an overnight recon and patrol.

Hush up and listen up!

We've been designated Bravo, that is Bravo Team, recon and security.

Rendezvous point Charlie, that is Charlie, is just outside Catahoula.

We're gonna travel in file formation

with maximum use of cover and concealment.

We are travelling to make time.

No tents, no sleeping bags. Ponchos and liners only.

We're gonna have all kinds of weather out there.

Sun, rain, cold in the morning.

Get used to this idea — you're going in the water

and that water's going to be cold. Cribbs!

You with us?

Oh, sure I am, Sarge. I'm really up for this one.

Well, that's good 'cause you're gonna be my pace man.

Reece, you'll be point.

Yo!

Now, we're talking about 38 kilometers.

You make sure your canteens are filled at the water buffalo.

Each and every member does their job.

I don't want nobody dogging it out there.

Ya'll buddies. You're counting and depending on each other.

Everybody does their job.

Now please, for once in your life, try to look like soldiers.

Civilian in peace, soldier in war.

I am the Guard.

That's right. Try to remember that.

Looks like somebody built a whole new ocean here.

We're supposed to be at this coordinate.

Either this map is wrong

or all of a sudden I can't find my way around the block.

The channel must have shifted with the winter rains.

What's supposed to be land is underwater.

- D'you want me to raise company? - No, there's no need for that.

It's real simple. Either we can get across going down this point of land

and it don't look good,

we go all the way back and start over.

Over here!

Damn!

Somebody shot Rudolph.

Who do you think these canoes belong to?

Us.

They belong to indigenous personnel.

Don't you guys be fucking around with them.

Think they float?

Hell yes. They're pirogues. Cajuns back there use them all the time.

Well, they ain't using them now.

What say we take 'em down the bayou?

Yeah, I can deal with that, the way my back feels.

We might make Catahoula tonight. Put them women under martial law.

What women you talking about?

Spencer's running some ladies.

He's got some skirts waiting for us.

It's all set. Noleen and her bayou queens.

Just a little something for morale.

Really?

Let me add, sergeant, that these women are expecting some…

small unit military penetration.

I don't think we should take the canoes. They're not ours.

That's right, they're not ours.

Let's get in 'em and take off.

Hold on, fungo. Nobody gave you an order.

How else are we gonna get there?

Maybe you got a point there, Reece.

Hell yes, let's move.

Wait a minute, Reece.

How are the rightful owners gonna get those boats back

when there's no other access to the far shore?

Hell, we only need three of them.

They can use the other ones to get 'em back.

A little R and R never hurts. Catahoula, here we come.

What d'you say, Sarge?

OK. Bowden, write 'em a note.

Yes, sir.

All right, get those steel pots off, hook 'em on your belts.

Shape up now.

Shape up, Stuckey.

Get in the goddamn boat and look like soldiers.

Come on, Bowden,

Get that oar.

Hey! Look over there.

There they are. These must be their canoes.

Hey there, you men! Read the note! We left you a note.

Dumb coon asses.

They don't understand.

I hope they find my note.

Maybe they only speak French.

Well, does anybody speak French?

Yeah. Voulez-vous fuck me?

Reece, knock that shit off. We're bringing them back.

We're bringing them back.

Let 'em have it. Take no prisoners.

Stuckey! Asshole!

Casper, get your boat over to that point of land now.

Sarge!

Poole! Poole!

Get outta here.

Get outta here, Bowden. What the fuck?

Bowden! You stupid fuck!

Hit it! Take cover.