The Nanny

All right, now, prepare yourself, honey.

This is Loehmann's Semi Annual

Red Star Clearance.

You are gonna see things today

that will haunt you for the rest of your shopping life.

Excuse me, please.

Please, excuse me.

Shouldn't we help that woman

in the wheelchair through first?

Oh, honey; Stand your ground.

Last year when they put out

the Donna Karan

she popped out of that chair and screamed,

"It's a miracle!"

All right. They're about to open the door.

Watch your nose.

Why? What's going to happen to my...

Oh! Oh, God! Oh, look at this.

Oh, this is so my color.

Oh, wait, it seems to be...

Oh, It's like hooked on something.

Help me.

Excuse me, please. I had this sweater first.

I believe you're mistaken.

I've got the cuff.

I've got the armpit.

I've got your kid.

Huh! She's not mine!

Listen, I'm warning you.

My nicotine patch fell off.

My mother's in town and my boyfriend

just left me for my brother.

Now, I'm over 30, single,

and I work for her.

Hold on to this and don't let go, honey.

Hey, did you see the movie "Babe," kid?

Yeah.

Well; They ate him at the wrap party.

I can't hear you!

THE NANNY -S04E03

Now, I'm telling you, Mom, the kid is a natural.

Honey, show her what you did to get those women away

from the Calvin Klein rack.

Look, there is John John!

You don't learn these things in books.

Meanwhile, Mom,

what did you have for lunch over there?

You got enough butter on you

to have your own "Last Tango in Paris."

I had a lobster.

Your uncle, Stanley, caught them near Rockaway Beach.

Ma; They don't even like people to swim in that water.

It could be toxic.

What are you talking about?

There's nothing wrong with those lobsters.

They're excellent.

Plus, they got two tails.

All right, so when you grow that

second mouth out of your shoulder

you can eat them at the same time.

Ma; You made daddy sit in the car for two hours?

We got a car phone

at a time share walkthrough.

Now he can sit and call Howard Stern.

Why he wants to get screamed at and berated?

I will never understand.

Lay off the horn, you yutz!

Miss Fine; Have you seen Brighton's science test?

He's got a 66.

Wow, Brighton; You passed!

By a hair. That is no good.

I'm not kidding, young man.

We went through all this last semester.

You keep this up and I'm gonna have to send you to military school.

What?

Military school?

Are you serious?

Nothing but young men,

no women, for miles around?

I mean, for me, it'd be nice.

Dad, look, I've got a big science project due.

I've been working on it for weeks.

It's definitely going to bring my grade up.

Oh, my God. Where did my moldy strawberry go?

Oh, I'm dead.

Well, you better think of something else

pretty soon, young man.

And try to be more inventive than moldy fruit.

And I don't want you helping him either.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Not after the review on my strawberry cup.

Brighton needs to learn to do things on his own.

I packed your briefcase, sir.

Thank you.

You make things far too easy for the boy.

He'll never become a man.

Doesn't having that boyish thing happening, sir.

Oh, there we are.

Are the kids yours

or does he do everything for you?

I'm serious, Miss Fine.

And just because Brighton has a trust fund,

don't think I'm going to let him end up

jet-setting around the world, skiing and yachting

and flitting from party to party.

Oh, he's got far too much pride for that.

I mean, for me, it'd be nice.

Maxwell, I am sorry I am late.

I had to pack a bag. They're fumigating my apartment.

They've tried that before. You always come back.

Anyway, it's very difficult to find a hotel

that will accept dogs.

Did you promise you wouldn't hump the bellboy's leg?

You know, Niles, it's a pity we don't see

more of one another.

Maxwell, I just had a crazy notion.

Why don't Chester and I stay here?

Yes, of course, C.C.

Niles will take care of everything.

Oh, good. Here you go.

Give him one of these pills three times a day.

I'll put it in his food.

Wrong end.

Well, I just thank God

that I was making tea while opening the mail

when this envelope addressed to you

accidentally steamed open.

Applications for military school?

I can't believe you're thinking about sending my baby away.

Who is this man I'm living with?

I don't even know you anymore.

Miss Fine, I happen to think

discipline is a way of showing love.

Well, I am seeing a whole new side to you

that frankly I find...

intriguing.

Oh, look, Mr. Sheffield, you got a cat on your terrace.

Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

He's probably hungry.

I feed him something this time every day.

Mr. Sheffield, I thought you said you hated cats.

No, I hate Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Cats."

Here, Shoes.

Shoes?

Yeah, Roger Clinton's cat from next door.

Socks' sister.

"Shoes and Socks".

And these are the people they think

are clever enough to orchestrate Whitewater?

Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you better watch out.

Look at this.

You've got a little bird's nest

with 3 little bird's eggs.

I thought birds laid their eggs in the spring.

She's a bit late, isn't she?

Hey, it's the '90s.

She don't have to lay eggs

the minute she moves out of her parents' nest.

Maybe she spent the last 3 years

sitting on somebody else's eggs

waiting for that certain gray-streaked pigeon

to make his move.

What are you doing?

It's my science project. Maggie gave me the idea.

See, I'm comparing different types of lipsticks

to see which one's gonna stay on the longest.

Oh, that's a good one.

Honey, that's not gonna get you an "A" in science.

But it'll definitely get you out of military school.

You're right, it stinks. You know what?

Military school might not be so bad.

Fran, when I'm gone, I want you to have my room.

Honey, stop it. I don't want it.

Sure, I could break through that wall

and create a fabulous dressing area

with a tremendous walk-in closet,

but I don't need that. I need you.

Are these hardwood floors under here?

If I could just think of a great science project.

Well, I'm sorry,

but I cannot help you with that, mister.

You are gonna have to think about that

all on your own.

Okay, here's my idea.

There are 3 abandoned eggs in a nest

on the terrace.

I thought you can incubate them with heat lamps

and then you can document the hatching.

Fran, that's a great idea. How did you think of it?

Well, who knows more about eggs just sitting around

going to waste than me?

Hello!

Maxwell,

I thought we might have a little

nightcap.

I don't want to do it at the house.