12 Golden Ducks (12金鴨)

Most Hong Kong men are nerds.

Expert Internet trolls,

but they don't know the first thing about what women want.

All the good men are either gay, or married and cheating on the side.

Men aren't the only ones who can buy happiness.

When it comes to shopping, men are no match for women.

It's not easy to please a woman.

Why do we do it? Because…

-it pays! -It pays!

Can women really buy happiness with money?

Screw you! You rely on women for your livelihood.

You're a disgrace to all men. Jerk!

Sau-yan,

watch your language.

You're an educated man but you curse like a thug.

My old schoolmates here don't give a shit.

You're too rude to be living off women.

I trade millions with a single click.

Sau-yan, don't be cocky.

You have female clients, don't you?

So doesn't that mean you live off women, too?

Nine out of ten men work for women.

Our teacher knows that best.

I'm humbled.

Didn't you retire?

Yes, but Cantonese opera is my passion,

disseminating the art form to women is my life's mission.

The moon wept on the night I shared your bed

How could I break our vow?

Listen, my love…

Draw energy from below and push up.

Good, carry on.

Her ailing body makes me waver

Clench your butt.

Retract your pelvic muscles all the way. Concentrate.

I have so much to say But I cannot find the words

Let it all out.

Ma'am, today's session included string, woodwind, brass

and percussion accompaniment in addition to Mr. Lo's services.

LIVE BAND

The total is $38,300.

That's damn expensive.

Mun-hei.

You know…

your dedication to Cantonese Opera fuels my passion to spread the art form.

Take that distasteful thing away.

Darn, I should've taken up opera, too.

Well, it's never too late to start.

Learn from your seniors here.

Rocky, what do you do?

I work at a gym.

Rocky, I don't have the strength.

Poor Joyce. Let me motivate you.

Rocky.

Joyce, calm down. You'll break the machine.

Enjoy.

Rocky.

Amazing, you didn't bust the ball today.

That's right.

-Rocky. -Hi.

That isn't a rocket launcher.

Let me show you. Hold it like this.

Now swing left, then right.

Then… Don't look at me, look at that.

Keep swinging.

Mrs. Chan.

Rocky.

I'm so thick around the waist. Help me up.

But your fingers have slimmed down.

Stop talking and help me up.

All right, here.

Mrs. Chan, give me your hand.

Three, two…

It's not working.

It's not?

No. Take both my hands.

How about now?

Better.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

I feel much better now.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Having fun?

It feels so good.

Keep exercising.

All right.

Stop laughing, Mrs. Ho.

Holy shit.

Are all your clients housewives or obese women?

Screw you! I'm a professional! Do I look like I have a choice?

Sorry.

My clients are all young and pretty.

No way.

No shit, Jamie. What do you do?

Since my name is Jamie,

I teach cooking lessons.

Son of a…

Today you'll learn to make fruit tart.

A good fruit tart should have a good crust.

Knead the dough like this.

Gently… See?

Is the air conditioner not working today?

Aren't you hot?

You're sweating.

You're right, my shirt is soaked.

Mind if I take it off?

I'll mind if you don't.

Excuse me.

Are we ready to roll?

-Ready? Now add some flour. -Sure.

Okay, here we go.

Whoa!

-Sorry. -I want to touch it, too.

Whisking egg whites takes lots of muscle.

I prefer to do it by hand.

It gives the tart more heart. Give it a try.

-It was me! -Me!

I'm sorry.

Darn, she's fast.

I'm sorry. Are you all right?

It's fine, I saw it coming.

It was an accident.

It's any man's dream job, being groped by women.

You think I'm living the dream?

Look at this!

Ever get your nipples scratched by long nails,

and tortured in every way?

Do you need to talk about nipple wounds so loudly?

We shouldn't be talking about such painful things.

Let's eat if everyone has arrived.

Future's not here.

You're right. Where's Future?

Future Cheung, the butcher's son?

He's too big now for this type of gathering.

Future might have been arrogant,

but you can't deny that he was born to live off women.

He's made women happy since he was a boy.

Chen.

Fat Ping. The ribs are great today. Want some?

Just call me Ping.

Whatever, Fat Ping.

Some pig liver?

They're plump like you.

-Forget it. -Wait.

Fat Ping, don't get mad.

Cheung Chen never lies.

I tell it like it is.

Leave me alone.

Miss Ping.

Yo, what's up?

Did you get a perm?

It's so pretty.

I'm calling you Cutie Ping from now on.

Such a sweet boy. Here, go buy some candy.

Thanks, Cutie Ping.

You never lie, huh?

You're a lying brat.

At the time, Future was very popular with the ladies.

Wait for me.

You're late again.

Who are you? Where's Miss Mei?

I'm Mei.

Is that really you, Miss Mei?

You're so pretty today.

I didn't recognize you.

Even the meanest class captains succumbed to his charm.

You're late again. I'm gonna take you to the headmaster.

Captain, that will ruin my future.

Please just let me in.

I promise to study hard,

find a good job,

and marry you someday.

Now that you have a bike, you won't be late again.

What are you two up to?

You're always late, your grades and attitude are poor.

Now you've conned a girl into buying you a bike.

Enough is enough. You're expelled.

Ms. Chow, you look like you lost weight--

Don't even think about it. It won't work on me.

I noticed your boyfriend doesn't pick you up anymore.

That's none of your business.

I've been reading about accelerated human development.

I want to grow up fast so that I can protect you.

I was reading about it all night and woke up late today.

Did you figure out how to grow up faster?

I read the wrong book.

Accelerated Development in Animals.

Your body calls out to be protected.

Students, teachers, the principal, the chancellor,

even the janitors were wrapped around his fingers.

But it didn't stop there.

Once he graduated, he got a job at a top club called Heaven,

and continued his service to womankind.

-Future. -Future.

-Future. -Future.

-Beautiful. -Future.

For you.

Thank you.

What about me?

How could I forget about you?