Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Wait. No, wait.

I can do that better.

I can sing better than Alice Faye.

I swear to Christ I can.

Allie!

Allie!

Alice Graham, you get in this house

before I beat the living daylights out of you. Do you hear me?

You wait and see.

And if anybody doesn't like it,

- they can blow it out their ass. - Allie!

Alice! Alice!

For God's sakes, do something about that kid!

Turn that damn thing down!

I'm sorry, Don.

Now keep it off. You'll drive us deaf.

You want me to have a fight with him, huh?

How are we supposed to have a meaningful family relationship

when he's on the verge of killing you half the time?

And why do we have to have Mott The Hoople 24 hours a day?

Maybe if I had a Kitty Hanlon record...

A Kitty--

Am I lucky, hmm?

I don't know. I'm an okay sort of person.

How did I get such a smart-ass kid?

You got pregnant.

The mouth.

Oh, the mouth on him.

Honey, dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes.

Whatever you say. You're the cook.

Come on, help me clear up the table.

What are you doing on the floor, kid? Act like you got good sense.

Thanks a lot.

Harold wasn't home.

Good. You're just in time for some peach shortcake.

Why don't you let him finish his dinner first?

He doesn't want any more dinner.

But he wants that old sugar crap, don't he?

I hope this is good, now.

Alice, what the hell have you done to the coffee?

I didn't do anything to the coffee.

Doesn't it taste good?

It tastes like hell.

Mine tastes all right.

Oh, God, it's salty.

- You think that's supposed to be funny? - What do you mean?

You know damn well what I mean. What the hell did you do to the sugar?

- What? - Don't lie to me, boy.

It's not sugar. It's salt.

- Donald! - That's okay, boy.

That's okay. You run.

I'm going to save it for you. When you get back, you're going to drink it!

See how you like it.

Alice,

if you'd show a little respect around here, it just may rub off on him.

Socorro sucks!

Watch your head.

You're sure laying the money out for meat. Company coming?

No, my husband hates me.

I'm trying to get him to chase me around the bedroom.

Oh. I, uh...

Tommy, you want to give the thanks this evening?

No, thank you.

Father, make us truly humble and thankful

for these and all the other blessings.

We realize that all good things come from you.

In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

- Amen. - Amen.

I made the lamb the way you like it.

Is it good?

It's okay.

Mmm.

Irene Payson got back from Denver today.

Said she had a real good time.

She did? Well, what all did she do?

Well, let's see.

She went to visit her family.

Then she went to this mountain resort, and she did a whole lot of shopping.

- Do you like it? - I hate lamb.

What you watching?

I don't know.

I don't know.

No. We're going on to my place.

- Just for a nightcap. - Is it a movie?

Looks like one to me.

Is it any good?

- Look out... - I don't know. I just turned it on.

Ow!

Well, don't move.

You make me laugh.

Don't make it too tight. I got to be able to sit.

- Don't I know? I know. - All right, all right.

I thought he was going to kill Tommy this morning. I really did.

Yeah, I heard him yelling. He sure sounded mean.

Oh, he's not mean.

He's just-- You know, he gets so...

I don't know. He just gets so loud sometimes. You know?

Well, I sure couldn't live without some kind of man around the house.

- Oh, I could. - And neither could you.

- Oh, yes, I could, easy. - Oh, no, you couldn't.

- Oh, no, you couldn't. - Easy.

Could be just as happy if I never saw one again, ever.

Course, it might be different if I ever, you know...

- if I met a man like Robert Redford. - I'll bet it's different.

He wouldn't be the kind of man that would roll over and go to sleep

as soon as he's finished. I think he'd be very gentle.

Listen,

I wonder what kind of build he's got on him.

Did you ever see his feet?

Feet?

I heard that's supposed to be an indication.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, I saw a picture. They're huge!

Bea, wait a minute.

They're like this! Like this!

Shut up, you nut.

Hello. Yes.

This is his wife.

What?

Oh, no!

My Donald is dead.

Oh, God, forgive me.

You know, I still expect him to come home for dinner.

I know.

- Wait here, Harold. - Okay.

- Bye, Harold. - Bye, Allie.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Sure.

You want me to come in with you for a while?

No. I have to get used to it sometime. I might as well start now.

Thank you.

I'll be over in a while with dinner.

Thanks, Bea.

How much money is there left?

- Don't ask. - I'm asking.

Well, before the funeral, there was a little over 2000, but...

- What's left? - About a buck fifty-nine.

What are you going to do, Mom?

I don't know, pal. What are you going to do?

We're in this together, you know.

Well, you've got to be able to do something.

The only job I ever had was singing.