What We Do in the Shadows

So it's 6:00 p.m. in the nighttime, which is when I wake up.

This is always really scary part for me.

Yes! Nighttime.

So, now I'm going to wake up my flatmates.

I really love living in a flatting situation.

Wake up! Wake up, everyone!

I like to hang out with other vampires.

I like the company.

Awaken!

Awakey-wakey!

I just really like having a good time with my friends.

Deacon, hi!

Hey, Deacon.

How was your night, last night?

I transformed into a dog and had sex.

Cool!

We're gonna have a little flat meeting in the kitchen

in about 15 minutes, okay?

- Okay. - Okay.

- Should I close this? - Yes.

Vladislav?

Oh!

Sorry! Sorry!

What?

- Hey. - What time is it?

Um... We're going to have a flat meeting in about 10 minutes.

Twenty.

Okay. Is there...

So, we're in Petyr's room.

I'm just going to wake him up.

Petyr?

Petyr?

Petyr, wake up.

Hey, listen.

We're just having a flat meeting upstairs in about 10 minutes.

You don't have to come,

but I thought I'd extend an invitation to you just in case.

Um...

There's a lot of stuff on the floor down here, Petyr.

Like this, it seems... I don't...

Oh, it's a spinal column. Yuck.

And I was thinking,

maybe I should just bring a broom down here for you

if you wanted to sweep up some of the skeletons.

I don't know. You know, maybe...

Okay.

I got you this chicken.

Is Petyr coming?

Should we be worried?

Petyr's 8,000 years old.

We're not going to have Petyr at the meeting.

Okay, so I wanted to have a quick chat

about flat responsibilities

because, guys, I think that we're not all pulling our weight here.

We're not just pointing the finger at you, Deacon.

You're a cool guy, but you're not

pulling your weight in the flat.

Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm cool.

No, that's not the point though.

- You missed it. - No, I know, I know.

Yeah, it's not a flat meeting about how cool you are.

I do my flat chores.

- No, you don't! - Yes, I do.

No, you don't. This is why we're having the flat meeting.

The point is, Deacon,

that you have not done the dishes for five years.

Vladislav is right.

It's unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes

all over this bench like that.

I'm so embarrassed when people come over here.

What does it matter? You bring them over, you kill them!

Yeah.

Vampires don't do dishes.

Deacon's like the rebellious young vampire.

He's always doing crazy things, saying crazy things.

He's just like the young bad boy of the group.

Okay, so

one day I was selling my wares,

and I walked past this old creepy castle,

and I look at it and think,

"Very old and creepy."

And then this creature flies at me.

It dragged me back to this dark dungeon

and bit into my neck.

And just at the point of death,

this creature forced me to suck its foul blood,

and then it opened its wings like this

and hovered above me, screeching,

"Now you are vampire."

And it was Petyr.

And we're still friends today.

Vlad, you were great.

You put out the recycling, which was really cool.

And the other day, I dragged a man's body down the hallway

and noticed that there was no dust.

Like, I kind of... I kind of swept the hallway.

Vladislav is just like this older vampire

who grew up in the medieval times.

And to be living this long

and to have seen the things that he's seen

and still kind of have it together...

Ow!

I mean, hats off to him.

Bloody hell!

Sorry!

He's a really great guy.

A bit of a pervert.

He has some pretty old ideas about things.

- But we should get some slaves. - Yes.

When I first became a vampire,

I was quite tyrannical.

I was known for, uh, torturing a lot of people.

This is my torture chamber.

I don't come in here often anymore.

I tended to torture when I was in a bad place.

My thing was I would poke someone with implements.

I was known as Vladislav the Poker.

It's been like this the whole time, okay?

Viago is a little pedantic.

The washing and the rubbish, I did that.

Deacon, on dishes, and it's still hasn't moved in five years.

He was an 18th century dandy,

so he can be very fussy.

He nags and nags.

Went in the lounge the other day,

and there was blood all over my nice antique couch.

Which one, the red one?

Well, it's red now, yeah.

If you're going to eat a victim on my nice clean couch,

put down some newspaper on the floor and some towels.

It's not hard to do.

We're vampires. We don't put down towels.

Some vampires do.

Well, not serious ones.

When you get four vampires in a flat,

obviously there's going to be a lot of tension.

There's tension in any flatting situation.

It's settled then. We'll all do our jobs,

starting with a certain Deacon...

I will do my dishes!

Good, then do them!

This is bullshit.

I became a vampire when I was 16,

and that is why I always look 16.

In those days, of course,

life was tough for a 16-year-old.

Vampires have had a pretty bad rep.

We're not these mopey old creatures who live in castles.

Well, some... Most of us are. A lot are.

But there are also those of us

who like to flat together

in really small countries, like New Zealand.

I was a Nazi vampire.

After the war, which the Nazis lost...

I don't know if you know that the Nazis lost that war.

If you were a Nazi, after the war...

And if you were a vampire...

And if you were a Nazi vampire,

no way.

I was out of there.

Ja, I came to this country for love.

Uh... There was a girl, human girl,

and I thought she was fantastic.

She was absolutely amazing.

I was smitten.

Her family emigrated to New Zealand.

And I thought,

"You know what? To hell with it. I'm going to go."

"I'm going to chase her and tell her how I feel."

I told my servant Phillip,

"Send me to New Zealand."

He put the wrong postage on my coffin,

so the whole journey took about 18 months.

And when I got here, she had found someone else.

She had fallen in love

and she was married.

She gave me this before she left.

There she is.

That's me. I put myself in there, too.

She told me it was pure silver.

Unfortunately, we vampires cannot wear silver.

Yeah.

That's about as long as I can wear that.

Tonight, we are going out into Wellington Central.

It is important that we look good.

Yeah, it's really good, yeah. Like it.

One of the unfortunate things about not having a reflection

is that you don't know exactly what you look like.

Whoo!

Look, a ghost cup floating all by itself.

We can give each other feedback

and help each other out until we're looking great.

Yes, some of our clothes are from victims.

You might bite someone and then

you think, "Ooh, those are some nice pants."

- Should I wear these? - No. Change it.

When you are a vampire, you become very sexy.

We are trying to attract victims to us.

Not sure about the waistcoat.

I go for a look which I call, "Dead But Delicious."