Taskmaster NZ

Ta-da!

Oh!

Nutsack!

Welcome one and all to the fifth episode of Taskmaster.

My name is Jeremy Wells, and I am the Taskmaster.

Earlier this year, I gave five comedians a set of tasks

to complete at a secret location.

They attempted to complete those tasks with guts, passion,

and quite often a completely undeserved sense of self-confidence.

No one knows how each other has done.

And tonight, I'll be watching what they did and judging how they did it.

After 10 brutal episodes, we'll crown a winner,

and they will receive this ―

my golden noggin,

as noble and stoic as the heads on the statues they pulled down for being racist.

Let's introduce our wonderful comedians tonight.

They are Angella Dravid

Brynley Stent

Guy Williams

Leigh Hart

and Madeleine Sami.

And I suppose I should also introduce my assistant,

the man who oversees task administration,

answers my phone and tells my children I love them for me.

It's Mr. Paul Williams.

I'd actually- right at the top of the show,

I'd like to make a quick apology, if that's ok.

This is unusual, but yes.

'Most rappers were told by their teachers that they would never amount to anything.

'I was the opposite.

'My teacher was adamant that I was going to make it as a professional rapper.'

'This was never my dream, but she quit her teaching job to become my manager.

'Mrs. Fitchett, I am so sorry I let you down.'

Aww.

Thanks for that, Paul, and off the back of that,

I'll be seeking an apology for you wasting our time.

I can actually do that now as well.

No, no, don't do that. No, no, no. Sit down. I don't need you to do it.

All right. Let's start things off, Paul, with a good old-fashioned prize task.

Tonight, each competitor has been asked to bring in something they own.

The person who brings in the best thing gets five points.

By the end of tonight's show, all those things will be owned by one person-

the person with the most points.

And what specifically were they asked to bring in tonight?

Tonight - the most beloved family heirloom.

I can't wait to see these priceless heirlooms.

Leigh, I believe you're up first.

My great grandfather, of course, was very learned,

and I inherited his whole library when he passed on.

Wow!

And that was ― Well, that's only a small part of it, actually.

But if Paul can just give me that...

It was only when I got home I realised that it's all foam-backed, most of it,

and there's not a lot of reading in there.

And did your parents bring you up reading these fake books?

Oh, we weren't allowed to touch them. I can see why now.

So, um... Hemingway. Oh, yeah, right

Angella, what did you bring in?

So when I was in- I, uh, got arrested, um...

and I was sentenced to stay in a bail hostel...

for two years, and my mum sent me a bra.

- Right. - So...

So this is...

This is the bra that my mum sent me when I was...

when I was doing time.

What was your mum thinking when she gave you a bra?

She was like, 'My daughter needs support.'

Brynley, what did you bring in for us?

So, when I was growing up, my Oma had a set of cake forks

in a beautiful little box.

- So that's them. - Aww.

That little note in there that she knew how much I loved them,

so she wrote in there,

'These are for Brynley,' so when she dies, they go to me.

- Wow! - Yeah.

Wow.

We might have to amend that to say,

'These are for whoever wins episode five of Taskmaster New Zealand.'

The funny thing is she's still alive, so I actually just borrowed them off her.

So I really need them back.

I bet she didn't realise that- given away on a half-arsed gameshow.

Madeleine, what did you bring in?

I drunkenly purchased this medallion picture of the Pink and White Terraces.

It's got considerable water damage there from a leak in my flat,

but I can't throw it away.

Did you ever go when they were around?

Yes, I did, actually. I got a special, a GrabOne, and, um...

in 1886.

God, it was ― it was fun.

Went out in the waka and saw the steam coming up and had a little soak,

and it was really lovely.

Guy Williams, what did you bring in for us?

Well, there's a photo of a horse that my dad owned, like, 4% of,

and it won the Wellington Cup.

- Mm! - So my dad

got this weird photo montage made.

Yeah, it looks like it's got a peg leg.

Yeah!

- No, that was- - Is that what it was famous for?

That was Pasta Post's great maneuver,

it ran with one leg that was very straight.

You said he won the Wellington Cup.

Yeah.

He came 10th.

- Still good. Still pretty good. - No.

I feel like you just swiped this from, like, an RSA somewhere.

No! No, that's a photo ― That's my dad.

He's holding the horse in a grey jacket.

That's Gazza. And it's the pride of our family. And I ―

Doesn't sound like it's the pride of your family.

I challenge Paul right now to say an heirloom

in our family that's better than this.

Can't do it.

This is the best our family's got. I think it's pretty good.

I don't. I'm gonna give you one point for it.

Just because the name Pasta Post.

- It's a shocking name. - So one point for you, Guy.

Two points for Leigh,

because I feel like you keep bringing in the same books week in, week out.

Well, I do, to be honest with you.

Brynley, I reckon three points for you, because those could be quite useful,

particularly if you don't go so well on this series,

and you have to go to Cash Converters to get $3 or $4.

How dare you?

Madeleine, I'll give you four points,

cuz yours is the only one with any artistic merit.

Thank you.

And five points for you, Angella,

because I'm terrified that you will attempt to murder me at some stage.

So, what does that make the standings, Paul?

Angella is currently in the lead, and the other four are currently not in the lead.

All that can change in just one task.

So, shall we look at one of them, then?

Let's crack into it. Here's a task, and this one involves an egg.

- Hello, Leigh. - Hola. Como estas?

An egg on a desk.

- Hello, Angella. - Hello.

- Hello, Guy. - Hello, Paul.

- Yum. - Do you like eggs?

Love eggs. Huge egg fan.

I wanna touch the egg before I read the task, but I'm gonna follow protocol here.

'Blow this egg the furtherest from the table.'

'Furtherest egg wins.'

'You have five minutes...'

'...or until the egg breaks.' Until the egg breaks?

Finish reading, please.

Ooh, I might not finish. You can't start the time until I stop reading.

That's quite an interest twist, eh? I screwed you there, didn't I?

'Your time starts now.'

Please read the rest of the task.

'Furtherest egg wins.

You have five minutes or until the egg breaks.'

Finish reading it, please.

No, I'm not gonna finish reading it.

- Wait, is it-? It's a raw egg. - Yeah.

How...? Ok.

Now, this is a very simple task ― blow the egg as far from the table as you can.

If the egg breaks, that's when we take a measurement.

Ok, so what's important probably here is you need to somehow

land the egg safely and softly. Am I right?

Yeah. It would probably need some sort of cushioning of some sort.

- Shall we get into it? - Let's get into it.

It's Guy time, baby.

All right. 'Your time starts...

'n...

'n-now!' All right, here we go.

Oh, well, that was fun See you later.

- Thank you, Guy. - Thank you.

Ok, so when you get the tasks, you know that they're filming you for television,

that's the whole idea.

The weird thing is watching that is I just blew it.

It broke, and then I just walked off.

- Yep. Well, how far did it go? - 22cm.

- I'm in the lead. - What, you're happy with that?

- He is in the lead. - You're happy with that.

I was actually gonna throw to an ad break,

but I don't think it's fair to the audience to leave them on that particular note.

I think that's unfair. What else have you got for me, Paul?

I've got two contestants who made the controversial decision to try.

Its Brynley and Angella.

- I might get a blow dryer. - Ok.

Yeah.

Well, I guess I can put it on the paper. Doesn't say that I can't.

This is gonna be tricky.

Yeah.

- Is that blowing it? - No!

But it doesn't say that I can’t touch it. It just says 'blow it the furtherest'.

- Hey. - One minute.

Oh!

Here we go.

Oh!

Don't go down the drain.

20 seconds.

Oh no!

Oh God.

How'd you find that?

Exhilarating? I don't know. Sorry.

Do you think moving it on a bit of paper is blowing it?

No, but, you know, sometimes my brain works, like, sometimes smart,

and then it just stops, and then the smart stops.