Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

- (BELL RINGING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hello, hello. Good morning. Come along now.

Simon, no headphones. You'll get these back after school.

Betty, you're not Donald Duck! Put some pants on, please!

Okay. What's the first thing... - Okay, kids. Have fun at school!

- ...that pops into your head... - Bye, Dad!

- ...when I say Chip 'n Dale? - Hey, stop bumping me!

I'm willing to bet it's Thomas Chippendale,

the London-based cabinet maker from the 1700s.

Sick cabinet, Thomas!

But I bet the second thing that pops into your head are these guys.

But certainly, third would be those rascally cartoon chipmunks,

Chip 'n Dale, or should I say Chip and me?

And it all started the day we met,

when I had to join a new school in the middle of third grade.

Hello, potential new friends!

We have a new student today. Everyone, say hello to Dale.

Hello, everyone. Nice to meet you!

Uh...

I know.

- (SCREAMS) My eye! It's in my eye! - (KIDS SCREAMING)

- No, no, no, no. (SCREAMS) Get it out!

Uh... (CHUCKLES)

- It's a joke. See? I'm fine. - (KIDS SCREAMING)

- (CRYING) - Ew. You're weird.

By lunchtime, no one wanted anything to do with me.

So, I had to sit alone.

- (SIGHS) - Hey. Mind if I sit?

That pencil thing you did was hilarious! It was excellent comic timing.

- Really? I kind of wish I hadn't done it. - No way, man.

The biggest risk is not taking any risk at all.

You just didn't set up the joke right. I can help you if you want.

- The name's Chip. - I'm Dale.

So, do you watch Crispy Cow?

- Hey! That's my milk! - Hey! That's my milk!

- (BOTH LAUGH) Chip was so funny and thoughtful

- about everything. - So good!

And I never thought about anything. We were perfect together.

Friendship is rare Do you know what...

Come on! And even though,

- we were in the same grade... - Follow me!

...Chip was like the older brother I never had.

He introduced me to cheesy crust pizza and funny, old movies.

- (BOTH GRUNT) - (KIDS LAUGH)

By high school we were headlining the talent show.

And for our grand finale, The Amazing Dale will juggle everything!

Hey!

- Ow, ow, ow, ow. Ah! - (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

We knew we had something special. So, after graduation, we packed our bags

- and headed to California. - You're late! Come on!

Move, move, move! Here, catch!

- Nice one! Aw.

Hello, potential new friends!

Goodbye, eclectic group of bus passengers.

Oh, what if I did something like, "I'm into nuts."

Good, good. I love it. Great stuff.

Those first few months, we were flat broke,

but they were some of the best times of my life.

...when you're off, everyone knows. So be on, with Fresh-On Deodorant...

- (LAUGHS) Whoa! Whoa! - We look great.

And after landing a few small parts,

we finally got the call that would change everything.

(OVER TELEPHONE) Chip, Dale, how would you like your own show?

-Sometimes some crimes Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers.

- We had finally done it! - Go slipping

Our own TV show. - Through the cracks

It was about a group of little detectives...

-But these two, Gumshoes -...who would solve big crimes.

- There was the adventurer, Monterey Jack. - Are picking up the slack

The inventor, Gadget Hackwrench... - Ch... Ch... Ch... Chip 'n Dale!

- ...and Zipper, a fly. - Rescue Rangers

His things were, he was small and he couldn't speak,

- a double threat. - When there's danger

Ch... Ch... Ch... Chip 'n Dale!

And then there was Chip and I,

we were a classic odd couple with Chip as the logical straight man...

- Pass me that pipe. I've got an idea. - ...and me as the fun-loving goof.

- Right, what are you gonna do with it? - You're mine now. (SNICKERS)

Ah. (SLURPS) Birds! (CHUCKLES, GASPS) Why you little... Come here, you.

- (GASPS) No! - I guess the cat's in the bag.

- And cut. That's a wrap, folks. - (APPLAUSE)

Nice work, everyone! Great job!

And so, I just wanna thank all of you for the greatest three years of my life.

When I think back to where this all started,

me finding Dale sitting all alone in the cafeteria, so sad.

- Well, I wasn't that sad. - (ALL LAUGH)

That's funny.

But never in my wildest dreams did I think we'd be here now.

So, to you, Dale, my best friend, and to all of you.

- And to everyone who loves a short toast. - (CHUCKLES) Okay. Okay.

To many more seasons of the Rescue Rangers. Cheers!

- Cheers! - Cheers!

- Over here. Get together. - (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

- Everybody say, "Cha-cha-cha-cheese! - (LAUGHTER)

- One, two, tell me what you're... We were living the dream.

High on the hog, all night long, dancing the "Roger Rabbit,"

- with Roger Rabbit. Go, Roger. Go, Roger. Go, Roger.

- Go, Roger. Boy, what a party.

Oh, zipper.

Oh, yeah. I love this.

- I am into nuts! - (LAUGHTER)

- So good. Again, again. Those were some crazy fun times.

- I'm into nuts. - (LAUGHTER)

- So awesome. Super fun.

So fun.

Now, that we found love What are we gonna do with it

Hey, where'd you run off to, buddy? I saved you a piece of cake.

- What's that? - Okay.

I wasn't gonna show you this right now, but it just got delivered. So... Ta-da!

"Double-0 Dale"? That's hilarious. What is that?

It's wild, right? It's my new show. I'm gonna be a super spy.

Wh... what are you talking about?

Yeah, I'm really going for it. And just like you always say,

"The biggest risk is not taking any risk at all." (LAUGHS)

- Wait, you really have a new show? Yep!

Wh... why didn't you talk to me about it first?

We tell each other everything.

You've told me what you had for lunch the last 42 days.

Pineapple pizza and a diet Slice.

- Exactly. I don't know.

I just wanted to make sure the show was gonna happen first,

- before I got your hopes up. - My hopes up? What?

Yeah! It's good news for everyone. Check this out.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho

- (LAUGHS) - I just...

If you do this, they might cancel the show.

No, they won't do that. I mean, everyone knows you're the favorite.

And I'm just the guy who gets hit in the head

with a pipe each week. It's fine.

Okay, so, you're gonna risk all of Rescue Rangers

because I'm a little more popular than you?

Do you know how dumb that is?

Well, I am the dumb one.

- (SIGHS) I didn't mean it like that. - (SIGHS) I know. You never mean it.

Look, you're always acting like you saved me or something.

But when we were kids, we were in it together.

What are you talking about? We're still in it together.

I'm sorry, Chip. I'm just done being second banana.

But you're not second banana.

I'm a banana and you're just another banana.

- Two bananas. - (PHONE RINGING)

- Please, don't get that. - But it could be my agent, Dave Bolinari.

After everything I've done for you, do not pick up that phone.

- I'm sorry. - Dale, stop.

- We're not done talking. - I have to.

Do not. Do not do it.

I'm so sorry. Go for Dale.

Hey! Dave Bolinari.

Rescue Rangers was canceled that summer,

and Double-0 Dale was scrapped after the pilot.

Dale, you still there? - Yeah. Yeah, I'm here.

It wasn't anyone's fault in particular,

just one of those showbiz things.

But now, we're ready to bring it back.

Rescue Rangers 2.0! Starring me. Now in new and improved 3D.

Ladies and gentlemen... - Oh, wow. You hear that?

- ...are you ready for the star of the day? - Well, that's my cue to go.

This has been chapter one of Dale's Tales.

If you liked it, please don't forget to subscribe below.

You know him from The Disney Afternoon.

Please, welcome to the stage...

Gotta go, bye!

- ...Baloo! - Well, now.

Who here likes a little jazz music?

Look for the bare necessities

-The simple bare necessities -(SIGHS)

Pardon moi, Dale, but your followers, they believe the crowd is for you?

Of course they do, Lumiere. And pretty soon,

\that crowd is gonna be for me.

Yeah, Dale! I'm going to be up on that stage too, right beside you!

- Yes, Ugly Sonic. That's the spirit. - And they'll like me for who I am,

not like last time when the internet got one look at my human teeth,

and burned the place down. Okay, let's see here.

"Best wishes, Ugly Sonic." There you go, kid.

- (LAUGHS) - Oh, they're laughing at me. I know that.

You can't hurt my feelings if I'm in on the joke.

- Are you though? - Yes!

Anyway, now my luck has shifted.

I've been offered a new reality show where I do ride-alongs with the FBI.

It's called Ugly Sonic, Uglier Crimes.

- Really? A TV show? You? - Yeah, is that so difficult to believe.

Oh, uh... (CHUCKLES)

- I guess... not. - (UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)

- (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) - Yeah, you know what?

That's great. When one of us succeeds, we all succeed.

Baloo was part of the Disney Afternoon just like me.

Then he got The Jungle Book reboot and boom,

he's back on top. It happens that fast.

Bravo, Dale!

Your positivity is infectious. Oh, merci!

Oh, I really needed that cash.

You just gotta stay prepared. I'm keeping myself fit and you know,

my updated modern look?

Yes, Dale, your CG surgery was done very tastefully.

- You look amazing. - Well, thank you, Tigra.

- We should hang out sometime. - Nah.

- Meanly fast. - No offense,

but don't you think you'd have more fans here if Chip did these events with you?

Oh, Chip? Oh, that's interesting. I hadn't thought about him in a while.

I should give him a call. See how life's treating him.