Claire-ity - First Season

Did you have a trip planned sweetheart?

No, not exactly

We have talked about this Claire.

When?

When did we talk about this?

Where are you going?

We've been over this.

I'm done,

I'm moving out.

What?! Right now?

You can't leave, we are in therapy for God sake!

Just like you wanted.

People don't change Claire, not unless they have to.

I have to, you dont.

I'm growing, you're not.

Of course I'm not growing, I'm a size two!

You don't listen Claire, you don't see me.

You've created this alternate reality that I am not a part of.

Ever since you got back from that retreat

You've been acting strange

Chester.

Chester!

Where will you go?

I'm staying with Deborah

Deborah?

Are you on something?

She has a guest house

So that's what this is about? Deborah? Tree hugging

granola grandma?

She is my friend.

I'm your friend sweetheart!

I'm sorry Claire I didn't want it to end this way.

Well you're not taking the Jag, or the BMW

Or the other BMW

Or the Landy or the Camero or the Benz.

You'll be back when you realize what you're missing!

Chester,

Chester!

What?

She is picking you up?! Are you kidding me?

Trunk!

She is picking you up?!

Who are you?

- Back off Claire! - What have you done to him?

- Do not touch my car! - Who are you people?

Touch the car? God, a homeless person wouldn't crap

in this thing!

Claire screams

Get in the car Chester

Claire screams

Not the gnome!

Not the gnome!

You bastard!

- Go go go go - Get in, get in.

Get in the car!

Wait wait wait wait

Claire cries

I'm going to kill you!

I'm going to come after you!

Peace out!

You bastard!

Of course homeless crap in the car. They do it

all the time.

Sometimes tough love is the only way.

She has got this ridiculous thing about control

And gnomes!

And gnomes! She killed the fuck out of my gnome!

She is like a terrorist you know? All that violence.

Wow, I am learning so much from you.

it's such a turn on.

Hey, words are sacred, just say what you want!

Just ask the Universe!

God, I really want...

Yes

I really, really want.

To be free!

How free?

Free bird fucking free!

Free as the wind blows.

Free at last, free at last high-golly mighty free at last.

Like that black radical guy in the 60's.

Martin Luther King!

No! Not the boxing promoter.

No, no thats Don King. MLK is the civil rights activist.

Larry King! Love Larry King.

God! I mean those suspenders.

How cool is that guy?

Where is Dad going? And who is Deborah?

He's uh

We're-

Did he just leave you?

No!

He is just taking a little break

It was kinda my idea.

Oh, you're idea? Really? Okay.

Wait! was that Deborah the cashier from Pavillions?

Claire sighs

Um I think they're-

Having sex?

No, God no.

Yeah that's it just pretend it's not happening.

Did you smell her?

Hippies have that smell! You know?

Mom! That's messed up.

But it's true!

Okay, its a lifestyle.

I mean that's how you know they're hippies.

And you know your father and his aversion to smells.

He'll be back by the weekend.

Okay, we will see how that goes.

Yes we will.

Yes we can!

Don't ever say that in this house.

Thank you

What is that music?

How's life in virtual reality?

Don't be a wise ass.

Nobody likes a cocky Jesus.

This is a state of the art VR guided meditation and-

What is that music?

What is it guiding you towards Ms. Claire?

Peace, peace of mind my little latin companion.

Serenity

Will you turn that shit off?!

Oh, hey.

That music, my God what is that?

Pranic Shama, it's supposed to help center me.

How does anything that shreaky center you?

Sounds like you're strangling squirrels in there.

Really? Cause it was kinda working until...

You know...

Now.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Well maybe try some jazz

Thank you, Claire.

For what?

You know, letting me stay here.

Your mother was a very dear friend and I loved her

very much.

And I know that you had your differences but-

Yeah poor mom, and I'm sorry about you know

I heard about your husband shacking up with that

hottie cashier.

Hot?

She's not hot.

Not hot, no, no, no.

I'm the hot one.

That's got to really suck big dicks.

Yeah... and I'm so glad you haven't lost all

your teeth yet.

You know, a lot of meth heads lose their teeth, somtimes a

year after they stop.

Oh no, really?

Google it.

Attitude is everything, and dinner is at 7.

You need to eat you skinny little creature.

Bitch.

Little bitch.

Oh! Hey!