Tom, Dick And Harry

Waghmare... - Shame! Shame!

Shut down the police station

Shame on the policemen

Sir, the crowd is growing

Drive them away

Shut the doors. - How can we shut the doors

This is a police station. - Yes, that's the big problem

Doors of a police station can't be closed. What to do now?

They have a point, since you got posted to this police station...

...there's been a spurt in kidnappings.

You mean, I have a hand in this?

No sir, but the law is supposed to know everything. Why don't you say...

who's behind the kidnappings? - Your father

What! - No, my daddy perhaps. Look...

it's a crisis and we got to solve it. - Indeed

But I've no clue about who's behind these kidnappings

You're back? - What are you Jassi, a wrestler?

Every time I try to get close to you, you give me a flooring

You keep dreaming 24 hours of how to finger your wife...

...I keep you floored

Then how about you on top of me, that'd be fun

For thinking that you're a Dharmendra, I'll show you, just you wait.

What are you up to? - Where's the broom?

You won't find it

Why? - I hid it

Where's the stick? - You won't find it

I hid it where you won't find it

Will you force yourself upon me? - I shall

If you won't give in, then I will.

Strange, the ways of a man with his wife

Let go of me

Jassi, give me a yoghurt shake

Must you grab me whenever and wherever...

...you won't even let me breathe in peace

Cool

The maid

Groping the maid, in front of you?

But maybe, when you aren't around? - Shut up

Lady, I want my salary

Of course, I'll give it to you, why not, when do you want it?

Right now, or when you're leaving?

You settle with her later. First, collect the rent from the twosome

Okay, later. - Pronto

Say that

How many...

men...

there were? Mind-blowing! How many men were there

More?

Turban... beard... downstairs...

you mean the uncle downstairs, yes, we call him chief

Two... men... were there. Chief, there were two men Mind-blowing

Ahead?

What? Ok!

Yes, say that

What happened? Is it tough?

Give me something, man

Beast... dog... cat... buffalo... elephant... cow?

Pig, hippopotamus, giraffe ? Which beast is it?

Shut up, just shut up?

Forget it; now start again?

Piss? After 3 months of trying to watch this flick...

you want to go pissing now? No, it's something else?

Chop it off? And afterwards, piss? What... no?

Pissing, chopping, any connection?

Right, no connection

But explain it properly

Forget it, start again

Piss... chop that?

Pi and ss

Forget the rest

Take pi

Pi... then?

Lady, yes

And marry?

Couple... husband-wife, wife-husband?

At the wedding? Bride and groom... groom?

Groom it is

Groom? No, the previous, Pi?

Pi and groom

Pig!

Son

Son of a pig. Mind-blowing!

What's next?

Sons of pigs, there were only 2 of them...

...and you were a threesome, still you ran

You are a twosome

Some twosome you are, but I don't run...

...I collect the rent, then I go, get it?

I didn't get a word, what did he say?

House... money... 3000, rent? I'll handle this

Uncle Happy... happy in name but you're never happy

But no one will pay 3000 for this house...

...tell him, but you can't, can you?

1500, at the most. - Mind your end of the business

Look at the water seepage up there. - You expected whisky for 3000?

Hey, he said what?

And look at that view

Open the window and take in that old man, coughing forever

Stop talking nonsense

Watching him makes me imagine, how quickly I might be dead

I don't want to hear anything, I want my rent, 3000, all of it

If you can't pay, clear out. I'll find any number of tenants

I don't run a charity

What?

Pay me in cash, not sign language

How much is it?

500... thrice?

Only fifteen hundred? Where's the other 1500?

Happy uncle, instead of your 1500, a new box

Another box?

You'll enjoy, strawberry flavor

As if it's a box of strawberry ice cream that you're giving me

I don't want condoms. Better explain to him, you mutt...

I don't want boxes, I want cash, 3000

Box... doesn't want... cash?

Shame on you, Happy uncle

Men without wives appreciate it's importance...

the significance of which is lost on married men of your ilk

You know,

we've no cash and badly off, so, please make use of this

I'm tired of the use of it,

a kilo and a half, if I lose a month, how long can I keep up the use?

Next month, I want full rent, get it?

I swear on your mother, next month...

we'll pay the full amount. - Don't involve my mother, next month...

I want full rent, get it? - It's just a little problem

Next month, we'll pay 3000. - Only you have problems and I haven't?

Next month, full rent! - Please try to understand...

What's it man?

Damn... he... he's saying the same thing?

He's saying the same thing? You're saying the same thing?

Same thing, all along, what else? - Sorry uncle

Deaf mute morons, for months... - Yes next month, for sure

Why didn't you tell that before?

Sure, even if you said, how would I hear?

Good God! Another box? - What to do?

Just take a look...

there's more in here than the company stocks

What am I to do with it all? Make Christmas gifts to neighbors?

What's it Mummy?

Shut up and get back to your homework

Why give to neighbors, I'm still here, I'll use up all of it

By God Jassi, if you're with me, we'll create a world record in a week

Shut up, you're useless. I've had enough of you

Now I'll call Dipak. - Don't you dare! I'll slap you

You married me, now you want Dipak? - Control your brain

Dipak will be the new paying guest, he'll move in with the twosome

And he'll pay half the rent. - Really? But who is this Dipak?

Now get off, quick

Move

Are you blind, can't you see?

Forgive me, an impulse from behind propelled me forward to you

Have I hurt you somewhere?

Not your hands upon me

Not that I can get anything else up on you

What! - My mistake

Let's embrace and I'll say sorry

Insolent idiot

She's gone? She too is gone, I can't impress girls

It's a man. - What are you up to, mister?

That's a cultured voice. Can you tell me where Jassi Villa is?

Two hundred feet.

Mister, two hundred feet in this direction

Thanks. - Strange sort

Two... three... four... five

Forty, forty one, forty two, forty three

44... 45...

47... 48...

My bag... which count was I on? I've slipped up

So this way... most likely... yes

60, 61, 62, 63, 64

65, 66, 67

Get up

Hello

Mister... hey mister...

Sorry, it's a watchman

Mirror-mirror on the wall, who's the bad-man of all?

Soprano, you are the one

Soprano, to end up like you, a villain, vile yet able,

from which institute can I procure a certificate to begin with

No institute rears the great villain, it happens to be a god-gift

One must possess the matrix of the mind,

greed, destruction, betrayal...

...hunger for power are elements that must be innate,

in one crazy DNA.

But to stay in power there are rules

To become a great villain, you have to follow rules

Rule number One,

unlike Mogambo, be not happy at every turn of phrase

Rule number Two, be not Shakal,

do not merely caress your bald pate...

...use also the brain that lies beneath

Rule number Three, like Gabbar...

...never go jaywalking in jungles chewing tobacco

Tobacco kills

I keep these three great villains...

...so I may learn from their mistakes

The villain of today ought to be international

It is the time for globalization

The villain should rake it in dollars, pounds, euros