Sex Appeal

Don't do that, Tony.

Tony, you know I don't like French kissing.

That's dirty.

Sorry, Audrey.

No hickeys, Tony.

Jeez. Come on.

Tony, no. Tony.

Come on, Audrey. I just want to touch 'em.

Please?

Okay, just for a little while,

but I'm not going all the way.

All right.

Tony, no.

Please, just let me touch 'em.

Okay, just a little.

- Tony. - Audrey.

- That tickles. - Audrey.

Stop. Tony.

You're going to make me pee.

- Pee? - Woman: Tony, hurry.

Oh, Jesus. Hurry. Get dressed.

Let's go.

Tony: Uh...

hi, everybody.

Ma, Dad, this is Audrey.

Audrey, this is my ma and dad.

Hi, Audrey. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Cannelloni.

How come you're sitting in the dark today?

Uh...

we were-- we were watching the moon.

Tony: Yeah. Yeah.

In here? There's no moon out tonight.

Is there a moon out, Joe?

Louise, will you take it easy?

There's a moon out there.

You get any?

Audrey, is there anything I can get you, a drink or something?

No, Dad. We were just about to leave.

What's this?

That's mine, Mom.

Sorry. I been looking all over the house for it.

Christina, how many times have I told you

to please pick up after yourself?

Anybody want coffee in here? Joe?

Yes, dear.

No, thanks, Mom.

Come on, Audrey. I'll drive you home.

I'm going to walk.

What do you mean, walk home?

You can't leave me like this.

It's not my problem.

When can I see you again?

Tony Cannelloni, if I never see you again,

it'll be too soon.

Oh, Audrey,

aren't you forgetting something?

Ah, what's the matter, big brother?

You know, I heard cold showers do wonders.

Nice day, isn't it?

Was until you opened you big mouth.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Tony! Tony!

- Good morning. - Morning.

Good morning, Daphne.

Cannelloni, you are five minutes late.

Sorry.

Sure.

Nice day, isn't it?

Yeah, right.

Hey, that's a no-no. Come on.

- Let's go. Come on. -

Weirdo.

Nice day, isn't it?

Sure. Come on, honey.

Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable

in a hotel room or something?

Oh, honey, why waste your money?

Besides, when I get through with you,

you'll think you're in heaven.

But first, money, please.

Oh, yeah.

Here you go.

Oh, butterfingers me.

Could you?

Yeah, sure.

See, honey? Just like heaven.

- - Louise: Tony.

Are you going to be in there all day?

I'll be out in a minute, Ma.

Tony.

Yeah, Ma.

We're ready to sit down to dinner.

Okay, okay. Jeez.

I got a surprise for you, Tony.

I invited Deborah to dinner.

Tony has this obsession with hygiene.

He's always in the bathroom.

Well, cleanliness is next to godliness,

I always say, Mrs. Cannelloni.

- Hi, Deborah. - Hi, Tony.

Well, Tony, did you have a nice day?

Don't ask.

Tony, I got the tickets.

What tickets?

I told Deborah you love birds.

So I got tickets to the Audubon Society lecture tonight.

It's all about the mating

of the African speckle hawk.

Christina: I think you're confused, Mom.

Tony didn't say "birds." He said "chicks."

Chicks, ducks, penguins, same thing.

Christina: Um...

no, Tony promised to help me

with my-- study for my business exam.

Yeah, yeah. I did?

Well, Tony can help you tomorrow night.

Deborah went to a lot of--

Joe: But, Louise, I need the car tonight.

Oh, that's all right, Mr. Cannelloni.

We can use mine.

Joe: Ahem.

Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful feast,

for the antipasto salad,

for the chicken Parmesan

with Louise's famous sauce,

um...

the side linguini with the--

smothered in a green pesto sauce,

and for dessert--

what's for dessert, Louise?

You're on a diet, remember?

Scratch the dessert.

Amen.

Excuse me, but...

What's the matter, Deborah?

...well, I forgot...

What got into her?

Maybe you should have made dessert.

Sauce.

What did you say to her?

That you had V.D.

Which one?

Is this yours?

No.

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