The Perfect Match

Excuse me, hi.

You dropped your keys.

They were back there on the ground?

Yeah, just right over there

I'm a klutz. I'm so sorry. Thank you so much.

Holly.

Charlie.

Charlie Mac?

The photographer?

No way! I follow you on Instagram and Tumblr. Really?

I'm not a stalker, though.

No, no. I know a lot of stalkers.

You don't look like one of them.

Your photos, they're amazing.

Thank you, it's really just a hobby.

I'm an agent.

Listen, I hope you don't mind me saying this,

but you look way better in person.

So, my pictures suck?

No! I... I'm joking, I'm joking.

Thank you. Thank you.

So, hypothetically speaking...

Uh-huh. Right.

Say I might know somebody... Okay.

Who might want to do a photo shoot with you.

You might know somebody that might want to do a pho...

Well, this whole hypothetical situation, let's see...

They would have to stop by my studio,

and then, go on from there.

Give me some more of your high energy.

Just stay having fun with it.

That was amazing.

Great shoot.

Hey, check this out.

"Hashtag Throwback Thursday."

Uh-huh. Aw! Aw, that's cute!

Who would've thought this little boy

would turn out to be a porn director?

Wait, you're a porn director?

No, I'm not a porn director.

I just did it one time to pay for school.

Mmm! Leave Rick alone.

Where was that at?

That was in front of Charlie's grandmother's house, right?

Yeah, that was the day Charlie and Sherry moved into the neighborhood.

I can't believe that was 20 years ago.

Uh-huh. What was 20 years ago?

Here he is! You were 20 years ago. What up, man?

Charlie Mac is in the house. What's good?

My dawg, what up? You good?

Hey, guys, this is Fawn.

Uh, Fawn, this is everyone.

Hey, you know what, Fawn? I'm gonna move like this...

Oh. Hi, Fawn.

Well, Charlie and Fawn, this is Dana.

Charlie, uh, Dana is my friend

that I was telling you about.

The one that I invited here tonight, so you could meet her.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

So, it's "Fawn", like a baby deer?

No, like "Dawn", but with an "F."

We are so glad you could join us.

So glad. Speak for yourself.

Have we made a decision? Perfect timing, um...

Let's get everybody a round. Okay.

And I'll take a Manhattan. All right.

How's the wedding planning going? Great. New subject.

Okay. How's life at the agency?

Oh, we're kicking ass, man.

Things are going great. Tavaysha is killing it.

Uh, I just signed Fawn, here.

She's a big Vine star.

Say what? That's a thing?

Duh. It's like, YouTube star.

Okay, um, well now that everyone is here,

I would like to ask a question.

Here we go.

And as I always say, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

Well, before you ask your question,

let me ask you a question.

Did you ask NetNews if we're gonna get paid for all these surveys?

You work for NetNews? Mmm-hmm.

I have literally always wanted to be on there.

Oh, well, Ginger's a relationship columnist for them,

so here's your chance.

Uh, Ginger, you got some questions to ask?

Um, okay, um...

What is your deal breaker in a relationship?

Oh, that's simple.

I couldn't be with anyone who doesn't want a family.

Well, I couldn't be with anyone who doesn't give head.

Baby, I'm talking about family,

and you talking about giving head?

Oh, I'm not talking about giving it, honey.

I'm talking about getting it.

Okay, okay. Stop. Dana, what would yours be?

I would say, my deal breaker would be...

I don't know, I feel like relationships are so up and down,

that if two people really love each other and communicate,

there would be no deal breaker

I like that a lot.

Chuck, it's your turn.

Uh, I don't do relationships,

so I don't really have a deal breaker.

Oh, does Fawn know that?

Oh, I couldn't be with anyone who, like, doesn't work out.

No offense. You're talking to me?

I don't understand you.

I don't get it. I don't get why you don't do relationships.

Come on, are we doing this now?

Maybe that's our cue. I think I'm gonna go to the ladies' room.

I'm just, uh, gonna go take some pics out front.

You take some pics. You send me some pics.

You Snapchat me.

Why do you do it?

Do what?

Bring these little dinky girls around.

I mean, you've been doing it since high school, okay?

You're about to be 30 years old.

It's time to grow up. Doesn't it get old?

Nope, it stays right around 20.

Whack. It's not whack.

You know what? All I know is that you are not bringing

one of these little floozies to my wedding.

You're right, I'll bring two floozies to your wedding.

Hey, Victor, can I have a plus two?

You don't...

That is not funny, Chucky.

Oh!

You know I hate that name.

Gloves off now.

You don't want to take it there?

You're lucky I didn't call you something worse.

And if you keep it up, you're gonna end up with a plus zero.

Thank you!

Why would you even bring her,

if I told you that I was gonna bring Dana?

I'm not trying to date Dana.

Why not? Because she's your friend.

And you guys know my rules.

You and these fuckin' rules. Come on.

We gotta do the rules again?

All right, don't touch my camera,

don't wear heels in my house,

and don't be a friend of my friend,

'cause I won't date you.

That don't make no damn sense.

It makes perfect sense.

You guys know how I am with women.

As soon as I have sex with them,

it's like all of my interest magically disappears.

And I don't know what to do after that.

So, uh, you know, if you hook her up with me,

she's gonna end up hating you,

it'll destroy your friendship, and I don't want that.

Hmm.

You know what? Actually, that is probably

the most mature thing you've said in a long time.

You have a point.

Plus, I thought she'd be fugly,

like the rest of your friends.

Oh, man, you were doing so good!

Most of her friends are ugly!

Nate the Animal! What up, Charlie? My man.

The usual, please, sir. Let me get a Greek Goddess with cayenne...

And dark chocolate. Coming right up.

Wait, hold on, Nate. I'll have Sunny D with a shot of love, please.

Of course you will. Thank you.

Charlie, I'm starting to think

that us meeting at this juice truck

is your way of avoiding deep conversation with me.

I kinda feel a bit hurt.

Hi, sister. Hi, baby.

You never call me anymore.

I texted you yesterday.

That's so impersonal. That doesn't count.

The sound of a human voice,

it does things to our soul, to our heart.

Okay. Okay?

By the way...

I'm going to Mom and Dad's grave on Sunday,

and I think you should come.

I'll try. You need to start dealing

with your issues, Charlie.

I think that's why you have so many walls up.

You know, your heart is frozen

because of your emotional immaturity

and your unwillingness to accept

that you are deeply scared of love.

Charlie!

Hey, you. Uh...

Hi.

Tammi. Tammi. Tammi, looking good.

You look fantastic.

Then, why have you been avoiding me?

I'm not avoiding you.

I texted you, I called you...

Tammi. Let me stop you, right there.

It's... It's Tammi, right?

No, don't put the wall up.