Mademoiselle de Maupin (Madamigella di Maupin)

A traveler who came back from Paris brought some unbelievable news.

They say that the people hate us. And that we should be worried.

Maybe we just need to marry one of the daughter to lawyer to be safe.

They say that they'll behead us soon.

Here we are.

There's too much fuss in Paris.

Anyway, before these voices reach my stablemen, I whipped them up.

Please, Marquis.

Bravo, well done. You did great.

Oh, I am so honored. Thank you for your attention to us, poor comedians!

Could I also have the privilege to push you?

May I?

Dare, Oscar, dare!

Maybe I'll start to like you.

The only way to destroy the monarchy is to get rich.

Think it over, what could the noble offer to the king?

There's only their fidelity and nothing more. - Excuse me!

Meanwhile, we offer money them at reasonable rates

and swallow their kingdom slowly.

Excuse me!

Sir... I'd like to talk to you!

- To me? - Yes. - Talk.

Did you acquaint your niece about my wedding intention?

Well, not yet dear Oscar. What's the haste?

But I love her.

There. It's him. Oscar.

The man my uncle wishes to marry me with.

Did he talk you about him?

No... but since he's very rich and not noble...

these are two things on his side.

If you add to these the fact that he's stupid... it gets perfect.

Look at them.

I'd give my life to learn what men tell each other when amongst them.

Maybe the same they tell to us.

They reveal their dreams.

Dreams? With those faces?

I assure you, he whom is free doesn't need to dream.

I've always thought of a dark side in the life of every man.

Something ignoble that they leave in the antechamber when they visit us.

Do you know what they do and where they go after leaving our halls?

At his funeral, all his lovers behind the coffin.

And I thought: It's a pity, such pretty women now unapproachable.

Oh, not 'cause of the pain, but 'cause of the disease of their friend.

He died of 'mal francese'...

You know that there are places

where they make love with girls without knowing them.

Without engaging first.

They are called perdition places.

No! I'll never marry a man without knowing him first.

Instead you'll know your husband later on.

It has always been like this, for our mothers and grandmothers.

Poor grandmother! Only after the marriage realized that her husband couldn't love her.

She was beautiful!

- No, she was horrible. - I don't think so.

This man is my grandfather. An extravagant man!

Ladies! Lady Magdeleine!

Lady Graziosa! Listen to these blows!

What are these?

- Push me, push me! - Right away marchioness.

Stay calm!

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

I wouldn't say so sir, cause if these noises are not thunders,

it's likely that our enemies are bombarding us.

Listen!

These are cannons, believe me. I can distinguish a cannon from a thunder.

If these are cannons, then it's war for sure.

At least something would happen.

And You could show your devotion by dying for us.

I knew it. They're shooting from that side.

- Exactly from the border line. - So we are invaded. - It's obvious.

Aren't you happy? Let the kings kill each other.

When they'll be deteriorated, we'll come to power.

But don't worry, the church will conserve its privileges.

Our relentless enemy, the queen Carlotta, has declared war to us.

The country has been invaded.

Go hide, abandon the villas and the castles.

Go, hurry up!

Stop.

Stop.

What's happening?

It's a war.

You must abandon the villa right away.

That's what happens when women hold the throne.

I've built this house brick after brick.

And of course that slutty Carlotte won't make me move out.

I will buy all the enemy's army in cash.

Do as you wish, but save the women.

The invaders are guided by mercenaries and use violence against all beings with human semblance.

They don't disdain even the men.

What are you waiting for? Didn't you hear? We must abandon the house immediately.

Magdeleine, Graziosa!

Ah, here you are! Run to your rooms.

Run, hurry up! There's no time to loose.

Where are the priests? The priests!?

Where are the priests?

That way! Stay calm.

They should have respect for the old ladies.

Do you believe that you are desirable as a man?

Remember Oscar, a man is always handsome.

Understand it? Always!

- In another occasion this would have comforted me. - Come on, let's go.

We'll take refuge in the cloister, under the protection of our holy mother - the church.

How dare you show yourselves in knickers in my presence?

We gave our clothes to your granddaughters, as you ordered us... but, what should we do?

Pray brothers, pray!

Go away now, go!

Where are my granddaughters? Magdeleine? Graziosa?

Uncle!

Here we are, uncle!

- We're ready! - Perfect.

Clerics are neutral, neither men nor women.

Besides, mercenaries are good catholics: at least they should respect the priests.

There's no time to loose. Let's hurry!

Did you fall asleep?

Come on, let's go. Hurry! Quickly!

Into the saddle!

Excuse us, sir.

Astride, Graziosa!

Do you want to be spotted as a woman?!

I have to tell you another thing.

If they stop you, or interrogate you,

try to answer harshly, ungracefully, as if you were men.

Say dirty words.

- I don't know any. - That's the result of a refined education.

Stay calm.

The mercenaries!

Help!

Help!

Leave me!

Leave me! I'm almost engaged.

Well done. Farewell to the wedding!

Pass forwards. Pass!

Go straight to the cloister!

Goodbye uncle!

You won't do this service to me.

You were not expecting the artillery, huh?

Charging!

Come on!

Forwards Graziosa!

Look how big the world is!

Behind those mountains there are cities, the love...

While we know nothing.

You know Graziosa, the world hides many secrets,

and I'll discover them.

- What do you mean? - I'm not coming in!

You can't do this!

What better occasion? Nobody will recognize me dressed as a man.

- Farewell. - But...

Farewell.

Magdeleine!

Call me again!

Magdeleine, come back.

Nobody will call me again with this name. Farewell!

The king is calling for you. The fatherland is in danger.

The king makes the drums sound.

Run close to our flag. Enlist yourselves if you're fed up with your wives.

He who leaves his wife for the king doesn't sin.

What better occasion! Enlist yourselves.

You're wasting your breath, captain. You're loosing your time.

Let the sergeant do it. At least he enlists because of starvation.

Here's another one.

Damn it. We missed again. First we caught a nun, and now a priest.

But he's a child. How old are you?

Eighteen.

- So young and already priest! - Priests are born, it's a vocation.

So, while the church can have 20-year-old priests,

the army must make war with decrepit soldiers.

Enlist him.

- Who? Me? - Yes. You, of course. Let him have the medical examination.

- No! - Come here! - It's against the rules.

We don't have to see you naked.

We've seen so many of that, now we do it by heart.

- Very skinny, huh! - What about me, all skin and bones?

Hush!

Perfect teeth.

In case of a siege, he can chew shoes as if they were cookies.

- How many? - Three.

Perfect sight.

Any suggestions?

No one.

Now let's see if you're familiar with weapons.

Sir lieutenant.

Look.

Come on, show me your right hand.

Priestly hand.

Move the index finger.

This way!

Perfect.

I pronounce him able and enrolled. Able and enrolled!

You, lower the hat!

Go straight!

What are you staring at?!

Heads up.

The king will be very satisfied when he'll learn

how spontaneously and enthusiastically you answered at his call.

And now sons... Let's go to war!

The are 60000 invaders. Let the hunting begin!

And we're just 15?!

Don't be afraid, guys. I'm here with you.

- Who's he? What does he want? - He's nuts.