Hong Kong West Side Stories (向西闻记)

After exchanging the rings,

Mr. Chan, you may now unveil the bride and kiss her.

Do you know how I got to this stage?

Just change your job!

Change my job?

You run a football betting tips website and I work in the field of insurance.

Exactly.

You’ve been working for years, but you still don't even have a car.

You’re eloquent, but I’m just a bit better than you.

I just learned that you're planning on changing jobs.

Why don't you work for me?

Fuck you!

An insurance agent is a proper job. I don't need to cheat others.

Fuck you too! Who says insurance agents don’t cheat?

You sweet talk people.

What do Chinese people like most?

Gambling. Taking risks.

Even when they lose,

they numb themselves as if they've won the process.

You’re still as ridiculous as ever.

Trust me.

Do you still believe there's hope in this society?

I just can’t get over myself.

Well, that's my strength.

Trust me and you’ll be saved.

My friend, Won,

spent an hour explaining to me

the most profitable job in Hong Kong is to con dumb-asses.

An even more advanced level is to con them out of money legally.

Outrageous, right?

What's even worse is that

I later heard from my girlfriend

that there are really jobs like this in this world.

Holy shit!

Hey!

So did you find Tofu?

Have you posted anything? Don't worry.

I'll help you post flyers after I finish this game.

I have.

Luckily, my friend has introduced me to a pet telepathist.

Sounds amazing. What's that?

Him? He's amazing.

I just sent him a photograph.

Then he could tell Tofu sneaked out because it was being playful.

I'm much relieved now.

I’ll see Tofu soon after it comes home.

What?

He can talk to a cat just by looking at its photo?

It's not talking,

but sensing it with his energy.

What kind of friend have you got there?

Friend? He’s not my friend.

I have to pay him.

Pay him? How much?

I paid him 5,000 dollars.

Five thousand dollars?

Yes.

Take a look.

Can you see?

When Tofu comes back,

I’ll pay him 2,000 dollars more to help Tofu not to poop around.

You gave 5,000 dollars to this dickhead?

What is that fucking energy?

Where's the phone?

-We should call the police. What-- -Chan Chun Bon.

Enough!

You’re not helping me to find Tofu and blaming me with swear words.

I didn't.

I said "fucking energy." The energy that costs 5,000 dollars!

That’s a swear word.

Did you even try to find Tofu?

You’re always playing games. What else do you know?

What the fuck? I said I’ll help you post the flyers

after the game, didn't I?

You don't trust me.

That's why you didn’t help me at all.

No, I just don’t trust this energy.

Chan Chun Bon.

I can't believe you haven't changed.

It’s grave that many people claim to be a pet telepathist.

It’s even graver that many people believe in sensing pets’ thoughts with energy.

A telepathist can even work through WhatsApp,

receive photographs from the owners,

sense the feeling and thoughts of the pets at a distance.

What's even more ridiculous is that even if the pets are dead,

a telepathist can still communicate via channeling.

It's pretty much the animal version of mediumship.

Because of that dickhead,

Flora broke up with me.

I was pissed off to be dumped without good reasons.

So I commented on those pet telepathists' Instagram.

I scolded them for cheating.

But what the fuck?

I became the one scolded instead.

In the end, I created a fake Instagram account

to pass as a pet telepathist and run my mouth for fun.

In the first two weeks, I talked to myself

pretending that I could communicate with the clients’ pets.

I wrote many thank-you letters to myself

and gave likes to the letters using other accounts.

It sounds complicated, right?

But so what?

Then I became popular on the pet forums.

When people’s pets aren't in good shape,

they come to me and give me lots of money.

What are you looking at?

Finally, I neither changed my job nor worked for Won.

I started cheating others anyway,

so I spent 3,000 dollars renting this small office

to run my pet telepathy business.

PET TELEPATHY SERVICE

LEARN TO BE A DOG FOR FUTURE BENEFITS

I only did it for revenge at first,

but later I found that I was really into it.

Hi, this is a pet telepathist.

How may I help you?

My red-eared slider has just died.

I’d like you to ask how it has been doing.

Do I need to come over?

I know nothing about pet telepathy.

But I'm sure that women with such a profile picture

are surely hot and sexy girls.

And that's common sense for men.

Yes, please.

Meeting you in person helps the process go easily and smoothly.

The fee will be more or less like this.

Let’s begin if you have no problems.

May I know if Turtle Keung is in heaven now?

Who is Turtle Keung?

He is a turtle.

All right.

During the process,

I hope you can have your eyes closed and keep quiet.

Otherwise, the magnetic field in this room will be affected

and I’ll lose the power to communicate with Turtle Keung.

Let’s begin.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Now I am starting to feel the energy of Turtle Keung.

I feel the power from Turtle Keung to me.

FEBRUARY 6, TUESDAY

I have sensed Turtle Keung.

Turtle Keung says that...

You always feel tired when you’re home

and that you often work out.

He doesn’t want you to be tired.

Really?

Turtle Keung also says

you always wear pink at home, is that right?

From Turtle Keung’s energy, I can feel a strong pink color.

Yes.

That’s great.

Now I’ll see

if Turtle Keung is in heaven.

Actually, owners whose pets have died just seek mental comfort.

Whether their pets can go to heaven is an easy question.

I can’t say that Turtle Keung

felt that it was full of sin in its last life,

so it couldn't get to heaven, and is now in hell, right?

But for no reason,

when I'm thinking about the relationship between turtle and heaven,

only three words pop up in my mind.

Hoi Tin Tong.

What are you laughing at?

I laugh...

because I can feel Turtle Keung’s happiness in heaven.

Let’s continue.

Turtle Keung says...

it is worried about you.

It feels that you’re very lonely.

It says that you have a boyfriend,

but it doesn’t like him.

And it says

that you don’t either.

Don’t worry.