8 Simple Rules

<<< Previously on 8 simple rules. -Yeah, this is Mrs. Hennessy.

Mom?

-My my keys! Where are my keys? -Mom? -Oh my God!

This wasn't supposed to happen, Mom.

Not now. Not now.

Not at forty-six.

-He was supposed to be back in ten minutes.

He was running a stupid errand. He was supposed to be back..

..and he was taking us to school.

#8 SIMPLE RULES#

-It was a day I’ll never forget. It was just me and the 'Splendid Splinter.'

I drove him around the entire base. -Wow.

Hand me those pliers, son.

Hey, what happened to the mitt there?

Did you punch something? -No.

I burned it on a casserole dish.

Okay.

Did you know the bathroom is the most important room in the house?

It is. It's the only place a man can find complete solitude.

-What about women? -Pssh women.

Women just don't get it.

Oh, they go in and they do their, well,

you know bathroom stuff, but us men, it's our sanctuary.

Now the women, they’re more communal.

They go to the bathroom together.

Do you believe that? Together!

You know, us men, we’re solitary beasts.

Yeah, we like our alone time.

And we sure as heck wouldn’t pick this wallpaper.

-Actually this kinda was my dad's real office.

If he had a deadline he'd be in here for hours.

Every once in awhile, Mom would knock on the door to make sure he ‘didn't fall in'.

You see?, Your dad got it.

Yeah, it used to be a man's home was his castle,

and slowly women just took it away and took it away

and we’re down to this one little room.

Well, it's all yours now.

-Yeah? -Yeah, certainly.

It only stands to reason.

I'm kinda mad at him, Gramps.

-Yeah, I know. I know, Rory. It's okay.

It’s a lot to try to make sense of.

Hand me those needle-nose pliers.

Hey, guys oh, that’s so sweet.

Um, can I just change in here.

-Mom, Fred Doyle is planning on having dinner with Dad and Jesus in heaven?

-Come on. It's a nice thought.

-Yeah, but Dad spent three years avoiding the Doyles' family barbecue.

How's he gonna get out of that one?

-I mean, Dad's a terrible liar and Jesus is gonna be sitting like, right there.

-Yeah, and Fred going on about the differences

between electric and gas powered weed whackers.

Like Jesus isn't gonna wanna back out of that dinner.

I'm so proud of you guys.

I can’t imagine going through a day like this without you kids.

-Maybe if Dad had looked in the drawer and saw the batteries

he wouldn't have gone to the store and then.

Kerry, Care Bear,

don't drive yourself crazy going over and over everything.

No one can control what happened.

God, Mom, you are so strong.

-Oh, no, trust me I fall apart when nobody’s looking.

-The last words I said to Dad was ‘I hate you.

Oh, honey.

-He wouldn't let me borrow his stupid car and I said, ‘I hate you.'

I had my Dad, and the last words I ever said to him were 'I hate you.

-Oh, baby, I think those were the first words you said to him also.

It's okay.

He knew how much you loved him no question.

My last words were an insult, too.

He was wearing his Michigan sweatshirt with chinos,

and I said there weren't enough queer eyes in all of San Francisco to help him.

Well, I sent him to the store for milk.

So, the last thing he heard out of me was ‘blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.'

You know what his last words were to me?

-What? -'Hasta la vista, baby.'

Such a cornball.

You know, he would say anything. He didn’t care how silly he was.

He just wanted to make us laugh.

I am really gonna miss that.

So, somebody’s gonna have to take up the cornball slack around here.

I vote Rory.

You know what I'm gonna miss about Dad?

Those bogus pancakes he used to make.

God, it was like eating Tupperware covers. -They were so awful.

-Pancake mix and water, how do you mess that up?

-Well, if they’re so terrible why’d you eat them?

Same reason you did.

It made him happy.

You hear that, Dad? Our secret's out.

I never ate the pancakes.

Oh, come here, honies, Come here.

Oh, I love you.

I love you.

Gramp? -Yeah?

What was your dad like?

Well, my dad, well, you’re great-granddad, was a businessman.

He owned a haberdashery. -Habi.. what?

A men’s store. He sold suits and hats.

-Baseball hats? -No.

No, not baseball hats. Bowlers, fedoras, derbies.

You know, beautiful hats that you tipped at young ladies

and wore over your heart when they played the National Anthem.

Yeah; Hats were the cornerstone of civilization.

Only savages didn't wear hats.

Were you close with your dad?

Eh, it was a different time.

My dad wasn't always a a happy man.

They said it was because of his job. It didn't fit.

A man’s job has to fit his spirit.

Now, your dad's job was a perfect fit for his spirit.

-I don't know, he was always so mad when he was writing.

Rory, do you know what I do now?

-Gram says eat, sleep and drink and drive without your glasses.

You gotta love her.

Rory, I build birdhouses.

And while I'm building them I'm banging my knuckles, and cutting my hands

and cussing, and throwing things.

Then about a month later some beautiful finch or waxwing moves in

and I don't give a second thought to all the cuts and scrapes.

That was my process.

The same with your dad.

It's what he had to do to get to the good stuff.

You know, had to bang his knuckles and whatnot.

It’s what you’re doing right now.

I'm not following you.

Well, you’re upset with your dad for dying.

And it's okay to slam a door, or you know,

cry, and get angry,

burn your hand on a casserole.

That's your process.

Do you know anything about plastering?

-Well, I know a little. Why?

Yeah, I think we can handle that.

Rory, did your dad ever tell you that he loved you?

Yeah, tons. -And did you tell him?

Yeah. All the time.

Well, the closest my dad and I ever came was when I returned from Korea.

You know, when I met Ted Williams.

He said he missed me.

-What'd you say? -I said I missed him, too.

And then we shook hands from about three feet away.

I think we both felt you know, the same way about the love stuff.

But it sure would’ve been nice if one of us just said it out loud.

-Gramp -Yeah.

How are you with broken lamps?

No.