8 Simple Rules

-You are watching C-span's continuous coverage of the longest..

..filibuster in senate history.

Rory; Would you change the channel?

-You're closer to the remote -I did it last time

Besides, you're in your prime.

Is that a bug on the Tv?

Yep!

-Isn't it bad to sit that close to the screen?

-Some people would pick up the bug and take it outside

-And some people build rockets and go to the moon

All right, all right I'll take care of it

-You missed him. -I put the fear of God in him

Hi everybody!

Hi!

I can't believe you, guys..

..you are in the exact positions you were..

..when I left this morning.

-Actually, grandpa had his hand in his pants..

..and Rory had his hand in his pants;

You're right! They are in the same position.

-Ah! I just love my new job at the 'Y'

The most rewarding thing that could happen to a life guard..

..happened to me today. This woman was swimming..

..across the pool, and all of a sudden..

..she started to gasp and wave her arms and yell:

"You look exactly like Pamela Anderson!"

-Maybe she meant you're a big, fake boobs

Kerry!

You know, I think we should all take a cue from Bridget

We could join the gym and get in shape.

-Wait, mom! My family can't join

I have friends there I like this job.

Why are you trying to ruin this for me?

-Why are you acting like you are embarrassed by us?

Oh, I'm not acting.

And the locker rooms are over here..

..you'll need to bring your own locks

-Oh, sweetie -Don't call me sweetie; I'm Miss Hennessy..

..and you are 'The Smiths'

Well, excuse me, Miss Hennessy.

Look, Bridget. I know this embarrasses you..

..but this is the closest 'Y' to our house..

..that has a family plan.

-And we also have a Jacuzzi and sauna..

..but old people shouldn't use a sauna..

..because it can raise your heart rate..

..and it gives everyone else in there the willies.

-Oh, really? This is my granddaughter!!

Dad!

-Bridget, I'm sorry. But I'm working more hours now..

..and I need a place for you, kids, to hang out when I'm not home

-We have that place; It's called: The living room

-All right, family, we are here to get healthy.

-Is this a smoking or non-smoking gym?

-Dad, I brought you here because I want you to be around..

..for a long, long time.

And the rest of you there's a lots of activities to choose from.

-Mom, I'm going to sit by the pool and read.

-Doesn't sound like exercise to me.

-Fine; I'll read with ankle weights on.

Try swimming that way too.

All right; What about you? 'Smart guy'.

-My eyes were drawn towards Yoga.

You? Yoga?

Oh, but honey, that's another 15 bucks extra.

Okay, I'll join a gang.

What the hell is all this?

What happened to medicine balls and punching bags?

-Actually, I think they keep them down the hall..

..in the room with the 'Stegosaurus' -Ahh

I'll see you after class.

-What did I do? What did I do? -Can I help you?!!

-Well, Yeah; I'm having a litle trouble turning this on

It's..Uhh-..Not quite like the one we got at The Olympic Training Center

- They're pretty confusing.. - Hmm.. -Press

And now, just put in: Your age and your weight

No peekies

- Is that too much for you? - It was too much when I sat down on it

-My name's Holly, and I'm at the front desk, if you need me.

Thank you, Holly

I'm going to feel that tomorrow

Bridget! Watch me!

Hey! Cut it out! Bridget!

Aren't you going to do something?

Yes, yes. I'm sorry; One sec'.

Okay; All the blond girls, out of the pool!!

Do you know what chlorine does to hair like ours?

It turns it greening. -

Yeah! That what I meant.

Hey! What about me?

Oh, Gosh; I didn't see you there.

It's gonna happen a lot to her.

-Hi; Excuse me, ladies. Howdy'

Nice mat! Blue.

Oh! You're good!

-Okay, Class; Let's get some of the kinks out ..

.. and start with: 'The Sun Salutation'

..and Up!

..and swan dive over

And now, let's move into 'The Downward Facing Dog'

..and let's drop into: 'Cobra'

..and 'Release'

..and 'Cobra'

..and 'Release'

..and 'Cobra'

..and 'Release'

Now let's move back into: 'Downward Facing Dog'

..and let's go into: 'Proud Warrior'

Are you Okay?

Are you having trouble with your 'Proud Warrior'?

Please; Go away.

Hey! How are The Red Wings, doing?

2 points out of first.

How are The Pistons, doing?

They won three in a row

-Hey; What do you think about that big trade_

-Fellows! I'm trying to work out here.

- Working up a sweat, Jim? - Oh yeah! No pain, no gain!

That Holly's a knockout, Huh?

I suppose; I hadn't really noticed.

Here she comes -Gotcha

Ah; That's quality workout humor

Hey; I'm Joe; Bad back, ulcer.

-Dave; Slipped disk; High blood pressure.

Jim; You name it; I got it.

-Bridget; They're copying your every move

They're, like your "Mini-me's"

-I know; I thought shaping eyebrows was fun..

..shaping minds is much cooler

-Yes; Your work with privileged blond children..

..is truly inspiring.

Thank you. Girls! This is my sister, Kerry.

But she's got red hair

Do you guys, like, have the same parents?

-Because our dad has a new wife and they have a baby-

And it's chinese

Is it like that?

Yes

-Come on! Hips, abs, and thighs is starting

You have to get up.

You're not helping.

-And there I was in Korea driving Ted Williams..

..'The Splendid Splinter', down to Seoul for a little R an R

Ha, ha, ha..ha

-Hey, Jim! How's the workout going?

-Ah, Great! I've figured exactly how much..

..weight I can lift before my back goes out.

She wants you.

-No, she doesn't; She's nice to everybody.

Of course I have been working out

- Hey! Class is ending. - Oh, Oh, Aerobics class.

'Hey! Check out the 'Hot Blonde'

'Oh, come on, guys! Let's show a little class here

-Oh! I think that's the new lifeguard

Hey! I wouldn't mind getting a little 'CPR' action from her, huh?

- I can't believe you punched a guy. - Right in the face.

- Dad; I don't approve. - I was defending..

..your daughter's honor

Against a man half my age.

His mistake was not staying down

Tell me about it!

I'm just so embarrassed;

Everyone at work in talking about me.

My boss yelled at me. You ruined my dream job.

-God! And now every knows you're related to the 'Smiths'

Uh, Bridget, look;

That environment is no place for a young girl to be working.

Oh, I know, I know, It's dangerous! Old men fight there.

-First rule of 'Old-men Fight Club': "We don' talk about Oldmen Fight Club".

-Bridget; You are not going back to that job.

-You're not my parent! You're my grandparent.

You're supposed to give me money and presents and be cute

-Cute! Cute? Do you know who you're talking to?

I was... Drove Ted Williams! I know!!