Gilligan's Island

There's the plane. Ah-ha. The plane!

Oh, yeah. Let me see. Let me see.

'Oh, yeah. It is a plane.'

oh, oh. It's wrong way feldman!

He's come back..

- Wrong way! - Good to see you.

- Good to see you. - Oh, thanks, professor. Thanks.

Girls, why don't you fix wrong way something to eat?

- Okay. - Oh, alright.

What about help? Are they sending a boat?

You won't believe what a trip I had.

I had to crash. I was attacked by a giant eagle.

- An eagle. How dreadful. - Yeah.

I almost shot it down

until I saw it was one of ours... American.

Alright, alright, wrong way. But what about the rescue?

Boy, it took two months to get this plane off the ground.

- 'Two months?' - It was in a museum's cellar.

I had a double of a time gettin' it through the door.

The stairs were alright, but the door was narrow.

- Are they gonna send a boat? - So we can be rescued?

- Did you notify authorities? - Certainly not.

- Why would I do that? - So we can get off the island.

And leave this paradise?

You mean to say that nobody knows that you're here?

Oh, to tell the truth, I don't know where I am.

Then we're not gonna be rescued?

Of course, not. And you could be sure that nobody followed me.

I flew with my light off.

Tell me. Why did you come back here?

To get away from that horrid thing you call civilization.

You can have the modern world.

Rush, rush, rush. Push, push, push.

- I don't want no part of it. - But we wanna go home.

My boy, this is your home.

And it's gonna be mine... For the rest of my life.

Be reasonable, wrong way. You've gotta go back and get help.

I am not leaving this here island. We're better off here.

But wrong way, we're homesick, we miss the states.

What's there to miss?

All that hustle and bustle, the trains, the subways

the whistles, the noise, no privacy.

Ho ho. This is the life.

Earth, trees, grass, nature.

But when we get back, you can go live in yellow stone park.

I tried that already. Even the bears are civilized.

They wear boy scout uniforms. Put out fires.

But wrong way, we wanna go back. Won't you think about it?

There is nothing to think about.

You don't wanna eat pineapples and coconuts

for the rest of your life.

That's better than what I ate in New York.

What a restaurant that was!

They couldn't even get a simple order straight.

All I asked for was a plain t-bone steak.

- Steak? - 'Yeah, a t-bone.'

and what did they bring me, a fillet, that thick.

That thick?

I like mine well done, you see

and this was all red and juicy inside.

'So I sent it back. And they bring me another.'

this was well done alright.

But they put a lot of mushrooms and that bearnaise sauce.

And I couldn't even get the waitress' eye.

She was busy with some glutton with a French pastry tray.

'All that chocolate and custard and whipped cream.'

that thick?

All that pushin' shovin'.

I don't know what you wanna go back there for ever.

'Wrong way.' - 'Yeah.'

tell me about that steak again.

Thurston, I don't think we should.

Now, there's nothing wrong with the old fashioned bribe.

It's the only way I can get him to take us back.

I don't think it's gonna work. He's terribly honest.

Every man has his price.

If he rescues us, I'll promise him, one of our oil Wells.

You mean you'll give him one of our oil Wells?

I didn't say give.

I said promise to, there's a difference.

Don't worry about the old wolf of wall street.

- Good luck, darling. - You leave. I'll handle him.

I understand that you're really serious about not going back.

I'm sorry, ho well.

It's something you would know nothin' about.

It does not concern money.

No, no. You misjudge me. I've been doing a lot of thinking.

I don't even think about money anymore.

Why? Have we gone off the gold standard?

No, no, you're laughing at me. I agree with you completely.

I think the world's in a terrible mess.

And I don't wanna leave either.

- You must be kidding. - No, no, I mean it.

It's a good thing that you're not over there

now, with all that spendin' and buildin'.

Must be terrible.

Oh, with all the money wasted

on factories, buildings high-rise apartments.

Awful.

And the rents. The landlords just rakin' it in.

Ghastly!

And those flimsy new apartments in New York.

- They're so expensive. - I know, I know. I own one.

Oh, yes. I was surprised to find out

that your rents are the lowest in that whole area.

Me? I have the lowest rents.

You will be happy to know that your building

is the only one still under rent control.

Leave the others make the money, you have the peace of mind.

You couldn't stand it if you was there right now.

Why, the stock market's gone crazy.

People are makin' money hand over fist.

Land values are soarin', and the new tax cuts.

And the bank rates are goin' up. I tell you, that's a sickness.

Money, money, money.

Stop!

Have you no mercy?

'Musicals are even worse than the dramas.'

I've seen seven in New York.

There was one that was any good. It had this young girl in it.

- About your age. - Oh, yeah?

She even looked like you.

Maybe you know her. Debbie dorson.

- She was my roommate. - She's the toast of Broadway.

I met her back stage.

'Poor girl, with the reporters and photographers.'

I could've had that part if I was there.

Oh, you're lucky, you didn't. Poor kid. No time for herself.

'Rushin' around with the movie office'

'and the publicity stills and the interviews.'

'what kind of life is that for a young girl?'

That's alright, honey. You have a good cry.

I feel the same way about poor Debbie

facin' a life like that.

I tried talking to him too, but he's determined to stay here.

But one thing for sure, hasn't been good on the morale here.

Ginger hasn't stopped crying and Mr. Howell's threatening

to jump of his steamer trunk.

I could fly that plane. Wrong way taught me. Remember?

It's ignition, contact, choke, throttle, stick, flaps.

Say, that's worth a try.

Flaps, choke, throttle, stick, contact?

Never mind, gilligan.

You couldn't make it to the cockpit.

If there were only some reason wrong way had to go back.

Yes, a real good reason. Like an emergency or something.

Hey, that's it. A doctor!

'When I was in the Navy, we had to send to port for a doctor.'

maybe you've got something there.

I could pretend I was sick.

You won't have to pretend. You'll just mess it up.

I'll take care of this. You find wrong way while I get set.

There he is, something's wrong with him.

- Where does it hurt? - Right here, wrong way.

It might be your appendix or you've eaten wild radishes.

I think it's my appendix, wrong way.

- He needs a doctor. - Right, he needs an operation.

- We have to get a doctor. - Not necessary, I'll do it.

You can take out an appendix?

Of course, under battlefield conditions.

I've done it for my old friend, bucky Lorenzo.

- But I think I need a doctor. - That's what bucky said too.

But it come out beautifully.

Of course, I did make the incision a little too long

but that didn't bother old bucky.

He just wore his bathing suit a little higher up.

I feel great. You won't have to operate after all.

They all say that. Hold him down, gilligan.

What are you doing?

You'll be alright. Take it easy.

Idiot, there's nothing wrong with me.

Oh, yeah. We have to get you out of here.

Alright, gilligan, I'll be back. I gotta burn these instruments.

How can you operate without any anesthetic?

I'll do what I did for bucky. Hit him with a monkey wrench.

Oh, but, wrong way. You won't have to.

See, I feel great. Look, I'm dancing.

- Delirious, already. - I can run too. See?

I guess, now's the time.

Maybe it was the wild radishes, after all.

- How do you feel? - Fine.

Make this look good, gilligan. It might be our last chance.

- I'll do my best. - Remember the symptoms.

You've gotta make him think that you've got bola bola fever.

Dry mouth, stomach ache, dizziness, ringing ears

and sore head.

Oh, yeah. I hope it'll look bad enough.

Don't worry, gilligan. Just be yourself.