The Bag Man

You want to tell me what this is all about?

I mean, if you want me to protect this,

don't you want me to know what it is?

- No, I don't. - Okay.

- Can I ask you a question? - Go ahead.

In all due respect, why don't you just hire the FedEx?

Because I'm hiring you, Jack.

You want me to pick up this bag and bring it to you, and that's it?

I want to pay you an exorbitant amount of money

to get the bag and bring it to me.

I don't get it. Why me?

Jesus Christ. Look.

This is me.

This is you.

This is the money.

This is the bag.

You go and get the bag.

And now, Jack, this is vitally important.

You do not look in this bag. You do not open this bag.

You don't even take a little peek in this bag.

The contents of this bag are off-limits.

Understood?

Okay, I get it.

And you bring this bag to me.

And I give you the money.

Clear?

Yeah, hello.

How'd it go?

Your man, Bishop, tried to kill me.

Regardless, we stick to the plan.

What do you mean, "We stick to the plan"?

I'm telling you your man tried to whack me

and you're telling me you still want me to go

to this shitty motel in the middle of nowhere

and sit around and wait for you all night?

Oh, yes.

How do I know there's not somebody else waiting for me at the motel?

Jack, calm down.

I'm calm... I'm calling you from a payphone

because he shot the fucking cell phone out of my hand.

He put a fucking bullet in my hand...

You didn't look in the bag, did you?

No, I didn't look in the bag.

You stick to the plan.

Yes. We stick to the plan. Room 13.

Room 13.

Bishop, let's go.

You couldn't stick to the plan, could you?

No! You shoot a guy in the hand.

Come on.

Can I help you?

Yeah. I need a room, please.

Okay.

How long you'll be staying?

One night.

Just for one night? Okay. Yeah.

I'll need you to fill this out.

And I need to see a credit card.

I'll be paying in cash.

Excuse me?

I said, "I'll be paying in cash."

Okay.

I need you to fill out this card

and that'll be $65 plus tax.

What happened?

- What? - Your hand is bleeding.

Oh.

I got into a fight with my wife.

She stabbed me with a steak knife. She lunged at me.

Maybe you should go to a hospital and get that looked at.

No, I'm fine.

I can call 'em if you'd like.

No, it's all right. That's not necessary.

- It could be infected. - It's not.

Might be infected and not even know.

I said, "It's fine." Please.

Fill out this card.

And this one, too. Both of them.

- You're Bob Smith. - Yeah.

- From Pittsburgh? - Mmm-hmm.

You're gonna be in room number 6.

I want room 13, please.

- 13? - Yeah.

Not many people ask for room 13.

So it's available, yeah?

Was you asked to ask for that number?

Asked to ask?

- Were you? - I'm asking you.

Room 13.

It's my lucky number. I'm a contrarian, you know?

You're either a contrarian or you're a victim.

You'll be in room number 13.

That's not an interconnecting room.

Interconnecting?

You can't go from one room to the next

without going outside of the door.

Is that all right with you? I don't give a fuck.

All right! You'll be in room number 13. You can drive on down there.

Park by it if you'd like.

Hey!

Excuse me.

The phone in my room is dead.

The line is dead.

Oh, that's

because it's not turned on.

Could you turn it on, please?

Well, in order for me to turn on the phone

or any incidentals,

I'll need an impression of a major credit card.

I'll give you cash.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to need to see a credit card.

I just told you I'll give you some cash.

If you want to let me charge you for the telephone calls

I'm going to need to get an impression

of a credit card.

Even if you wanted to get extra towels,

I'm going to need to see that card.

I don't have a credit card.

Here's another $100.

That's $400 cash.

Here's another. Here's another $100.

Turn the phone on for me?

I can take the cash.

Okay.

Seeing as that you don't have a credit card.

And if you can just wait a minute,

I will write you a receipt and then I can turn on the phone.

You let me know if there's any trouble with the line

because we just had some work done on it.

I don't know why. It seemed okay to me.

They said otherwise the whole place could go up in smoke.

That's what they said.

- Your hand feeling any better? - Yes.

That's good.

Is there anything else that I can do to help you this evening?

No.

Have a good night.

Hey, man.

Got a match?

No.

Why not?

Why don't you have a match?

Hello?

Yes.

That's fine.

Yeah, that's fine. I'll be waiting.

Sorry to bother you. I was wondering

if you had a corkscrew I could borrow.

No.

Sorry to disturb you.

I said, "Wait here, bitch, till I get back."

How long are we going to stay in this place?

Until I do what I got to do!

I don't wanna be a part of this.

Shut your mouth and get your ass in there. I said I got business. Now, go!

To tell you the truth, Janet,

I'm more annoyed at myself than I am at you.

I like to think of myself as being a reasonably savvy

person who can appraise the value, the fabric if you will,

of the people who work for me.

Jesus Christ!

You'd think I'd have a goddamn notepad in this office, wouldn't ya?

Dragna, it was a mistake.

You know something? I don't like surprises. I never did.

I never really enjoyed that whole Pop Goes The Wease lthing.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I appreciate the unexpected.

And, in fact, I'd say I'm a connoisseur of the unexpected.

But I don't like surprises.

Do you understand the distinction I'm making here?

Yes.

But I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I don't...

Oh!

Eureka!

Dragna, I'm not a currency trader.

You asked me to sit in front of the screen

because Melinda was out with the flu.

Do you know how hard it is to get a mole in the Bank of Japan?

Even the yakuza couldn't do it. And you know why?

Because they're savages.

- I can't find a pen in this office. - Everybody was yelling.

I got confused. I pressed the buy button instead of the sell button.

Just before the Bank of Japan flooded the market

with Yen to weaken their currency.

Hmm.

The name I just wrote,

go see that guy.

He's the best plastic surgeon in New York.

And you could pick any nose you want.

Your old one.

Audrey Hepburn, Beyonce, Barbra Streisand.

Whatever the hell you want.

My plane's here so I'm off.

Janet, no more surprises, okay?

Hi. Could I stay here for a while? Please! Just until they leave.

Get up.

I said, "Get up"!

Please, I can't go out there.

- Get out. - He's crazy. He'll kill me.

Are you deaf? Get out!

They're out of their minds. Him and that midget.