Should I Marry A Murderer?

Imagine you fall in love with someone who made you feel accepted,

wanted,

seen.

Who made you feel whole

and loved and just special.

And you are just so happy.

And then they say to you,

"I've done a horrible, horrible thing."

It is the remote, rugged edge of the Highlands

that held the darkest sinister secret for years.

Something so vile it flips your entire world upside down.

Mountain rescue teams search

for a man who's been missing for more than a week.

There was not a single trace of him alive ever again.

He's effectively disappeared into thin air.

To remain in love,

you have to keep this secret that you know is gonna destroy you.

But if you reveal it, then you destroy everything.

What would you do?

["Don't Delete the Kisses" by Wolf Alice plays]

In 2020, I thought I had my life sussed.

I'm 29 years old,

and I've been with my long-term partner for eight years.

We had good wages,

and we had our first home.

We even got a dog.

So, everything I'd hoped for had come true at this point.

I just assumed we'd be getting married and we'd be having children

and following suit with what our parents had done.

I met Caroline at medical school in Edinburgh,

and we became very close friends.

She is fiercely intelligent,

high-achieving.

She's got a photographic memory, so medicine came very easily.

In her final year at university, she got a new boyfriend.

They were together until their late twenties,

then it all fell to pieces.

Me and my partner had a horrible breakup.

He admits to a terrible betrayal,

and you realize all of those seven, eight years have been a lie.

The end of her relationship was like a thermonuclear bomb had gone off,

and everything just fell to pieces very rapidly.

It completely ripped my heart out, and it was all for nothing.

I felt so lonely,

and I wanted to find someone who didn't want to change me,

and someone who would want to start a life together with marriage

and with the prospect of children.

Morning, Glasgow!

I was working as a pathologist in Glasgow.

We are the doctors that determine the cause of death.

But a mortuary isn't exactly the place to meet the man of your dreams.

So I did what everyone does and I get Tinder.

What could possibly go wrong?

So you're making your profile…

…and I realized that a lot of these men

spent way more time looking in the mirror than I did.

Then I was like, "I'm really struggling here."

Glasgow, even though it's a city, is not a huge city.

That's why you've just got to set your radius far.

Just take in most of Scotland.

You know, cast your net wide.

And let's just see what happens.

And then I saw this gamekeeper pop up.

I was just hit by men in kilts.

It said, "Six-foot-four Highlander."

"Lonely contractor looking for someone to keep him warm

on the cold nights on the farm."

And I thought, "Oof."

He had a hunting agency,

and he had pictures of up in the hills.

It's that sort of idea of a man who is like,

if Armageddon came, he could fix anything,

he could hunt anything.

Like a man's man, you know?

And I was like, "Yes."

It pops up and goes, "You have a match."

So that's when I fired my number over,

and I was like… You know.

He immediately messaged me.

So I was like, "Go on, son." He's got balls. He's gone for it.

- -

He said, "Would you like to come meet me at the farm?"

"We could go for a drive in the hills."

And I was like, "That'll be an experience."

And then I phoned my friend Carla.

And she was like, "You're driving an hour and a half. What if it goes wrong?"

I was like, "I'll be fine. If nothing else, it'll be a laugh."

She said, "What if he's a murderer?"

I was like, "Come on, get a grip, that won't happen."

"He won't be a bad man."

It was an hour and a half drive, hour fifteen.

"What am I doing?"

Right? "But I've committed now."

You're driving into the beautiful Highlands.

He said, "Then there'll be a wee exit on the right

with a wee small sign that says Auch Estate."

"And that's where I stay."

And you look down into the Auch Estate.

And it's got what we call Munros, which are like mountains in Scotland.

You're driving into this magical place.

He was 6'4". He looked like a real man.

That sounds silly, but like an outdoorsy man.

And he had that smell of smoke and sweat and a bit of aftershave.

And he had quite a deep voice.

And I was like, "Ooh!" Nervous. Um…

So, it was like, "Hi." "Hi."

"Cool." "Nice."

"Great weather." "Lovely."

"You live here? This is-- This is where you stay?"

I said, "Do you own this?"

And he's like, "No, no, no." I was like, "Oh. Shit."

He said, "Ready for a day in the hills?" I was like, "Yes, please."

And you come up to a ravine or a river crossing.

He said, "Wanna do it?" I said, "You sure? How do I do this?"

He said, "First gear, keep it steady."

-I stay in first? - Yeah.

Whoo! Fun! Wow.

And I was like, "Can I sing in the car?" He's like, "Yes."

I said, "Sure?" He said, "Why wouldn't you?"

My last partner told me I was sometimes too much.

I'd been banned from singing in the car. I was never allowed to.

Whereas this guy was like, "I just want you to be you."

He was belting it out.

And he's doing all the wee high voices.

And he's doing wee dance moves.

I thought, "This guy's an absolute goofball."

"But he's alive and he's going with it. He's so relaxed."

And I felt so happy.

He said, "Would you like to see me again?" I was like, "Yes."

I said, "Would you like to see me again?" He was like, "Well, yes."

And I was like, "Okay, when?"

He said, "Tomorrow?" I was like, "Done."

After our first date, things moved quite fast.

Because he was far away and it wasn't down the road,

you'd have to commit and go for the weekend.

Sweaty.

I'm going from the cold mortuary

to a farmer's cottage with big homemade meals and dogs.

He was fun and he had banter.

And he got my silly puns, right?

I was falling for him, hook, line, and sinker.

Hey.

Farmers have a very "work hard, play hard" lifestyle.

So when they then get together, oh, they get together.

- -

And then you've got a shed, right, with a big-ass speaker, with bass.

And they can just rock up in their trucks.

- -

And then he would look out and he'd go,

"Right…" "…out, quad bikes, let's go."

I'd say, "I'm exhausted, I don't wanna go."

He said, "Trust me, it'll be special."

- -

The views were really unreal.

It was just us. Us against the universe.

- Need my pants. -Get your clothes on, lad.

Ha, ha!

Oh, yeah.

Here I am standing in the middle of this Scottish Highland estate.

And it's like you own the place.

That was when I realized I loved him and I felt loved.

He seemed proud to have me there.

And I think that made me feel really special.

Can we stop?

They seemed infatuated with each other.

There were lots of pictures of them enmeshed on social media.

Cuddled up on hillsides, kissing.

I thought it was unlikely that she'd suddenly stumbled upon

the best man ever.

Everyone knew that she'd recently been out of a very challenging relationship.