You People

- - Bro, remember Obama?

I do not. Who's that?

Asshole. You do. Cut it out, man.

- Barack Obama. Just hit me. - Of course.

Barack Hussein, which by the way is the coldest middle name in the game.

It's like if my middle name was Gambino Crime Family.

- It's just gangster. Come on, man. -

- I mean, he smoked Newports. - Newports.

What else you gonna say?

The president of the United States was smoking Newports.

I'm like, this is my guy.

Bro, has to be.

He's smoking the preferred cigarette of crackheads across the globe.

That's what I love about Barack, is like, he's become such an icon.

He's kind of like Jesus.

Like, he could just be whatever version of him you want him to be.

- Hmm. - My Barack does gay stuff sometimes.

- - Only when on coke.

You know what I'm saying?

He don't do a lot of coke, just, like, a little bit off the nail.

And just only when it's, like, special occasions.

Like a real big win.

He's like, "I'mma do coke and a little bit of gay stuff."

Does your Barack do coke to excuse his gay stuff?

- Of course. - Right.

Then he just has an out at the end to go, like, "I was on coke. It was fine."

- Yeah. - Okay.

But really he just woke up that day wanting to do some stuff.

- "Gonna do gay stuff." - Yeah.

- "Let me get a bump." - Yeah.

- -

Yo, yo, yo! Welcome to The Mo and E-Z Show.

I'm Mo, and to my left is my favorite Jew with nothing to do, my boy E-Z.

It was a better time, in general.

- 2014, bro. Just a good year. - Unbelievable.

- Meek Mill was with Nicki. - Mm-hmm.

Bobby Shmurda came out and went in.

- - You had the Ice Bucket, uh, Challenge.

- Yes, yes. - What was that, ALS?

Dude, ALS is the most paid disease of all time.

- - ALS made more than LeBron that year.

- ALS is on the boat with Jay and Beyoncé. - For sure.

They're like, "Let me tell you what it's like to be rich."

The BLM movement, though, is so serious right now.

It's everywhere, for sure.

This feels like they got the same people who did marketing for Cuties and kale.

- - They're Blackening everything.

Black iCarly, Black Wonder Years,

which is set in the same time period,

and it's like, bro, I don't wanna watch Black Kevin Arnold

gets sprayed by a hose for a half an hour every friggin' Friday.

Yeah, I feel like once a Black person won a gold medal for swimming,

it was pretty much a wrap on race relations.

Yo, I saw a dude fencing in the Olympics, a Black dude, this past Olympics.

- I was like, "Man, too much." - You're like, "Over the line."

- Over the line. Back up. -

Like, when they took the Confederate flags out of NASCAR,

I was like, "Nah, let 'em have that."

You take too much too fast, they be out looking for meat.

- - You know what I'm saying?

- Please be seated. - Oh, my God.

That was standing up for 45 minutes.

- That was, like, the longest one. - Shh!

So we just finished widduy, the confession,

which we do in the plural.

- We take responsibility… -

Mom, why do I have to wear this dress,

and he gets to dress like he's at Summer Jam?

…lives were created, but these…

Ezra, where's your yarmulke?

Oh, shit. Left it in the car.

Okay. Honey, I'm not square, okay?

Nobody thinks I'm square. Everyone thinks I'm cool.

- I'm hip. -

People think I'm a very youthful person.

"I get it." You know, you're expressing yourself with these illustrations.

Graffiti all over your body. Okay, fine.

But it is Yom Kippur, goddamn it.

First of all, can you please stop saying "I get it" and using air quotes?

And second of all, when someone says, "I'm cool. I get it,"

they never are cool, and they never get it.

- You shouldn't have to say that. - That's not true.

You won't be able to be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Bubby, I love you so much, respectfully,

but I'll be dead.

I don't give a shit where I'm buried, respectfully.

You can take my ashes, and you can flush them down the urinal

at Dodger Stadium, respectfully.

Oh, so now you're disrespecting the Dodgers?

I wanna be buried next to Rihanna.

- Rihanna? - Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna scrape those tattoos off myself,

and I'm gonna bury you in a double-wide coffin with me.

- Okay, how about that? - Sounds good.

Sounds good.

…their children to bed…

Thanks for that. I appreciate it.

You look like a dad who lost his kid at Coachella.

You look like the principal of a Hebrew school version of Hogwarts.

You look like a young Hulk Hogan.

I have a question. What do you and the rabbi talk about in the car

on the way to the rabbinical witch outlet store?

Is it a lot of music? Or is there heavy conversation?

Hi.

- Ezra! - Hey, how are ya?

- How are ya? - How old are you?

I'm… I'm 35 now.

Got a girlfriend?

No.

You say that so cavalier, like it's a bad thing.

You don't like getting pussy?

Well, hearing the word pussy come out of your mouth

does make me question whether or not I like it.

It's 2022!

Maybe the kid enjoys smoking the Hebrew Nationals.

I know you're trying to be progressive, but it's coming off crazy homophobic.

But it's… it's good to see you. And, uh, stay… stay alive.

- Hey, hey, bud, bud. - Hey, Doc.

Hi, how's your penis?

Uh, I think it's… I think it's good.

- Yeah, uh, listen, uh, come with me. - I think...

Let's go to the bathroom, and, uh, we'll take a look, okay?

- I'm good. - No, no, it's fine. It's fine.

Don't… don't worry. Uh, it's on the house.

There's not gonna be a charge.

- No, it's not the price that concerns me. - Oh.

- It's more the concept. - I see.

- You sure? We can go... - Doctor!

My teeth are getting crooked again.

Uh-huh. If you open your mouth real wide.

- Ezzy. - Uh-huh.

I want you to be chill right now.

- But Kim Glassman is over there. - Mm-hmm.

And she is totally checking you out.

- Right now, okay? - Uh-huh.

And she just completed her doctorate at Harvard,

and she is crazy lit.

Right over there. You see her?

Yeah, she just... and she saw you point at her.

- She didn't see. - Yeah, she 100% percent saw.

She's got it here, here, the whole nine yards.

Yeah, you like her body and her mind.

- I do. I do. - Okay.

Yeah, I think, um, my old orthodontist

just did some really weird sexual shit with me just now.

Who? Oh, Dr. Green?

- Yeah, Dr. Green. - Oh, yeah, he's in a lot of trouble.

- He's in trouble? - Yeah, he's in a lot of trouble.

- Yeah. - Okay, so that's like a thing?

Uh, well, he hasn't been convicted.

Totally. In the four seconds I spoke with him,

he tried to pull me in the bathroom and look at my dick,

so I'm just gonna say I might support the accusers on this one.

I will say that there is a legal system,

and you have to have respect for the legal system, Ezzy.

- Okay. - Yeah.

You're backing him on this one. All right, okay.

Well, you know…

Innocent until proven guilty. I believe in that. I'm sure you do too.

- Correct, and I think I'm gonna bounce. - Right?

- This has been a lot for one Yom Kippur. - Honey. I love you.

- I love you. You look great. Okay. - I love my baby boy.

So, um, your mom says you work in finance?

Yes, I'm a broker.

Well, that's, like, gotta be so exciting, working with so much money all the time.

Yeah, it's not really my dream job.

Well, what is?

You're gonna laugh if I tell you.

- - Oh, God.

You're not, like, a Reiki instructor, are you?

No. No, my homie and I, we have a podcast.

Seriously?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, what's it about?

The culture.

What culture?

You know, the culture.

Music, fashion, sports.

I mean, you're a Jew from West LA. What do you know about the culture?

Maybe deli culture, but…

Hmm.

- - Mm-hmm.

That's a good one.

Honestly, I'm starting to think

I'm never gonna meet a woman who understands me.

Bruh, you have got to stop being so thirsty, man.

It's disgusting!

I don't think I've heard of a man ever

who wanted to be in a relationship so badly besides Drake.

And I'm talking Views Drake.

I feel like Views Drake.

I feel like I'm alone on a building in Toronto

dangling my legs off,

wondering what it's like to feel companionship.

That's the space I'm in.

Well, I need you to dig deep down in that little Jewish body of yours