Bob Hearts Abishola

BOB HEARTS ABISHOLA#212 "We Don't Rat on Family" Closed Captioned

Previously onBob Hearts Abishola...

When you see Bob, tell him I'm happy for him.

I will.

He doesn't talkto me anymore.

Well, that might be because you hurt him very badly.

Yeah.

With his childhood friend.

Hang on. There are two sides to that story.

Oh. What is your side?

Well, I don't come off real good in that one, either.

Bob has to present himself to Abishola's family.

If they don't like him,

they can forbid the marriage.

So, you telling me if Bob

rubs some second cousin the wrong way,

you can't marry him?ABISHOLA: No.

I still can.KEMI:But she

can never return to Nigeria.

Or Texas.Huh?

I have family there.

Poor sock man.

He tries to give you a diamond ring,

and suddenly, he's proposing to a whole village.

It's not the whole village.

At most, it will be 200 people.

Excuse me, ma'am.

That is a beautiful ring.

Someone must love you very much to give you a ring like that.

Eh, I suppose so.

And do you have the same feelings towards him

that he has towards you?

Eh, I suppose so.

You love screwing with me, don't you? I do.

Need to get that?

Uh...

Oh, it's my mother.

I'll call her back later.

I could say hi.

That is whyI will call her back later.

We're getting married. I have to meet her eventually.

Why are you rushing?Enjoy this time

while you do not know her.

Are you worried about what she'll think of me?

Because I'll have you know,

I'm very charming.

I did not like youwhen I first met you.

But I wore you down. That's my specialty.

You are ridiculous.

Ridiculously charming.

Come on, call her back. Let me say hi.

All right.

But there will be otherfamily members in attendance

who will want to speakto you, as well.

That's fine. How many we talking?

Uncles, aunties,cousins, grandparents.

11 or 12.

Put the phone down.

What?Put it down.

I'm not ready.

You set me up.

Eh, I suppose so.

["Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola playing]

Hey, guys, am I pronouncing this right?

E nle ma?

Are you trying to respectfully greet

a female elder in my language?

Yes.Then no.

Was I close?

No.

All right, forget that. Traditionally,

I'm supposed to lie on the ground when I meet her family?

What if we meet in a bathroom?Oh,

Mr. Wheeler, if you meet them in a bathroom,

you have already done something terribly wrong.

It is also acceptable to bow,bending at the waist,

dropping your handsto your feet.

Yeah. Maybe if I did a little stretching first,

I could pull that off.

Mr. Wheeler,

why are you putting yourself through this?

Because it's tradition.

You got engaged while she was still married.

You have already stompedon tradition

like a burning bag of doo-dooleft at your doorstep

by local pranksters.

I keep telling you,

when you stomp on the feces, the neighborhood kids win.

And,

Mr. Wheeler,

your ignorancehas already gotten you this far.

Why stop now?KOFO:Goodwin is right.

Lean intoyour American naivete.

When you meet her mother,

wear a cowboy hatand a big belt buckle.

And say...

: "Howdy, ma'am."

Thanks for all your help.

Y'all come back, now, you hear?

You are very goodwith accents.

Much obliged, pardner.

Here you go, sweetie.

Tomorrow's Bride.

Oh, thank you.

Apparently,the brides of tomorrow

are all whiteand one Asian lady,

but you get the idea.

Ah,

you are finally planning the wedding.

I will send you a list of dates I still have open,

but act quickly.

This dress

would lookso beautiful on you.Oh.

Yes, it would.

But my mother would hate it.

Oh, also this one.

Oh, and this one.

Who cares what she thinks?

It's your day.

A wedding is all about the bride.

Maybe in America. In Nigeria,

it's all about the family.

The bride is lucky to be invited.

Mm-hmm.

The family uses the wedding

as a way to show off their wealth,

and your friends use it as a way to show off themselves.

Her first wedding was perfect.

Hundreds of guests,

all of them looking at me.

What about Abishola?

She saw me, too.

I remember being so upset about my dress.

Ugh. I hated it.So what? Everybody did.

But your mother loved it, and that is what's important.

Well, around here,

you don't have to worry about what anyone else wants.

They just go to weddings to get drunk

and hook up with some second cousin.

Mm-hmm.We have that, too.

It was a third cousin, and I was not drunk.

Oh.

That's an ugly dress.

Your mother would love it.

Hello, Bob.

E kaale,Uncle.

Are you okay?

Do you have a cramp?

No, I'm bowing in respect.

And cramping.

Abishola is at work, and Olu

"is at Bible study."

I did the quotes because she is actually getting

her "hair dyed."

That did not need the quotes.

I actually came to see you.

How wonderful.

Would you like some tea?

I also have some fun-sized candy bars

hidden around the apartment.

I'm okay.

Ah, suit yourself.

It's come to my attention

that I did not court Abishola

in the traditional Nigerian way.

You certainly did not.

Well,

for the wedding, I want to do it right,

and I was hoping you could help guide me

through the process.

It would be an honor for me to be an emissary

from my family to yours.

That's great. Now, I was hoping we could...Traditionally,

you would bow again, but don't worry about it.

Oh, thanks.

: You're really not going to bow.

Well, I guess that's why we are doing this.

Uh, I did a little research,

and I wrote my letter of intent

stating my case to marry your beautiful niece.

: I see your mission is to make me cry today.

Give it to me.

I took a few creative liberties,

but I think it's okay.Hmm.

Not if you're writing this letter to Satan.

Uh, give me a pen.

In the next paragraph,

you are asking permission to marry Abishola.

Was that not right?

It is not.

It must be from the perspective of your family

asking her family for permission.

What is this?

Oh, I used the flower as a metaphor.

Lovely. But no.

No.

What was the name

of your neighbor I threw a drink on at your first wedding?

Abeni.

No, the other one. She has a mustache.