No Escape

Yes, I am happy for this opportunity.

And though some of my people may not understand

the benefit of this, I'm sure they will in Cardiff.

They are fortunate to have a leader with such resolve.

And now, let us stop talking business, Mr. Prime Minister,

and drink the first water from the plant.

- Thank you. - Yes.

Thank you.

I hope this is the first of many projects we can build.

We say the dragon of fortune has a long tail.

- To Cardiff. - To your new waterworks.

- It is our great honor. - And ours.

All of us at Cardiff are so fortunate to be doing business with you.

Yes. Thank you.

Mr. Prime Minister, thank you.

You sleeping?

- Sweetie, what's going on? - Beeze.

Would you look at this?

I mean... where did the energy come from suddenly?

Please. My God.

Are we there yet?

According to this, we only have eleven more soul-crushing hours.

Shit.

You know you have to put a dollar in the swear pot.

Guys. I left the swear pot back in Texas.

- Shit! How could I have been so stupid. - Dad. Dad!

Jack.

- Where's Bob? - Hey, what are you looking for?

- I can't find Bob. - Did you look underneath?

You're not supposed to say the S-H-I-T word.

- The what? Did you just spell that? - Yes.

No, you're not supposed to say it.

I'm allowed to say it under special emergency circumstances.

- Well, actually... - According to the rules...

- And it wasn't an emergency. - ...which I make up as I go along.

- Where did he go? - Sweetie, don't bother that woman.

- I still don't see him. - Okay.

- There you go. - Hello, Bob. Thank you.

- How are you? - Good.

What happened to your hand?

Got in a fight with a tiger.

- Really? - Really.

Don't worry, though.

He got it worse than I did.

What happened to your head?

Fell down a flight of stairs in Hong Kong.

Okay, honey, come on, sit down. Don't bother him. Okay?

- Sorry. Thank you. - Pleasure.

- What if we don't like it here? - Where we're going? I think we will.

What if this company goes belly-up too?

That's not gonna happen, because this company is a lot bigger than Daddy's company was.

And that's better, huh?

They promised us a car, right, babe?

Yeah, they did. But I don't...

So can you call someone?

Well, this phone's supposed to work internationally, but it's not.

I don't see anything. I think we're really starting strong here.

- Let's just grab one of these guys. - Yeah, yeah.

- Okay, thank you. Yep. - Wait. A word to the wise here.

These guys are a bunch of scam artists.

They just wear uniforms to look official, but they'll all rob you blind, I promise you.

There's an official taxi line outside. I'll show you where if you like. Come on.

- Great. Thank you. - Or you'll get ripped off.

Don't worry, big boy. Don't worry. Come over here. I'll show you.

Here you go.

- You forgot your bags. - No, this is it, kiddo.

I like to travel light. You know what I mean?

Well, that's convenient.

- Where are you from? - Austin, Texas.

- Expats? Who do you work for? - Cardiff.

I'm one of the engineers they brought in to revamp the waterworks.

You Cardiff boys, you go everywhere, don't you?

Where are you staying? The Imperial Lotus?

- Yeah, how'd you know? - Well, everyone does. I'm there.

I'll give you a lift, if you'd like. I'm meeting someone.

- Would you like that? - Yeah, that'd be great.

Be my pleasure. Be my pleasure.

- Hammond's the name. - Jack.

- Nice to meet you, Jack. - Nice to see you.

- Hi, I'm Annie. How are you? - Hello, Annie, how are you?

This is Lucy, Briegel.

- But you can call her Beeze. - Hello, Beeze.

- Do you like it here? - I love it.

I've been here 15 times.

- Wow! - That's a lot of times.

Yeah, it is a lot of times. Well, I just love it. I love the women.

They're always so eager to please, you know what I mean?

Okay. It's interesting,

I'm looking at our bags and I'm thinking that we're too many...

- No are you kidding? - ...pieces of luggage.

I think that we could maybe just get a taxi...

No, don't worry about these guys. They can fit everything on a moped.

It'll be great.

Okay, everybody, here's your ride, right here.

This is the man!

- Come on. - You're in safe hands here.

- I missed you. - Look at you!

There you go. Mind the leg. Mind the leg.

Good to see you. These good folks here, they need a lift.

Their ride didn't show up.

- Yes, okay. - Thanks.

But I need to ask you very important question.

Okay.

- Do you like Kenny Roger? - Kenny Rogers?

- Yes, of course. - Yes.

- Yes? - Yes. Yeah.

Because this is the Kenny Roger cab.

My God! I had no idea.

My name is Samnang Pichairongkramgiskerong.

- Jack. - Wow! I like your name.

Yeah? But all my friends call me... Kenny Roger.

- Kenny. - That's a little easier.

Because we look alike.

You do?

- Uncanny. - Separated at birth!

- Let's go. - Here we go.

- Let's go. Come on. - Here we go.

I've got the birds.

Hey, Kenny Rogers, you mind keeping your eye on the road a little bit?

Thank you.

- This one's on us, okay? - Okay. Thank you.

- All right. Be safe. - All right.

- You go check in. - Okay.

- This one's pretty. - Daddy, look, it's you.

- Wow! - It's your serious face.

I would have preferred a driver, but it's a nice welcome.

- Dad, this light doesn't work. - What do you mean it doesn't work?

I got Bob.

Okay. Nope, it doesn't work. You're right.

But I gotta say, I'm loving how unpredictable this hotel is.

- No, you're not. - Yes, I am.

Because a lot of places you turn on a switch, you know the light comes on.

Here, there's some, like, mystery. There's a little suspense.

Annie, speaking of a mystery, what is...

- What is this? - It's my rice cooker.

I know, but we're in Asia.

Don't you think they're gonna have some effective ways to cook rice?

This is my rice cooker.

Okay. Let's show 'em how we do it.

- Yeah! - Thank you.

- All right. - I wanna go swimming.

No, no, no, we can't go swimming. In fact, you gotta get ready for bed.

I'm not tired, and I really want to go swimming.

Okay, I'll make a deal with you guys. We'll start to wind the engines down.

You guys can sit here quietly and watch some TV.

We're not getting any channels.

- Did you...? - We're getting snow.

- Nothing's working! - All right, let's not be difficult.

Lucy's always been difficult. Since the day she was born, she's been very difficult.

- Dad. - Guys. Guys.

Dad, will you tell the story of how Lucy was born?

- Yeah. Sure. - You guys like that story, don't you?

Well, I gotta say, it was a difficult birth.

- I knew it! - Good difficult.

- Good difficult. - Do you want me to call about the television?

No, no, I will call. I will tell you the story. Hold on.

Not difficult! Not difficult!

The phone's not working.

- Okay, welcome to the Third World. - It's actually the Fourth World.

- Really? - That's what it said in the book.

- I didn't even know that existed. - Nor did I.

You didn't plug in the rice cooker. Could that have...

- No. - ...possibly shorted out everything?

You're a jerk.

- It's happening in the whole city. - What's happening?

There's no TV or Internet in the whole city?

I'm afraid not, sir.

Have you gotten any calls for me from Cardiff? Jack Dwyer.

- Are the phones working? - The phones are working, sir.

- Okay. - But we have no calls from Cardiff for you.

- No calls? - Maybe better luck in the morning.

Okay. Thank you.

All right, here we go. Here we go, here it comes.

Can I get a beer?

- Thank you. - Thank you!

Thank you!

- That was great. - Sitting over here all on your lonesome.

- You've got all jet-lagged, have you? - Yeah, I'm in a little bit of a fog.

- What about you? - Do I look like a guy who's jet-lagged?

- No. - No, no.

All that shit's in the mind, mate.

- It's all up here. - Yep. You're right, it is. Yeah.

Bullshit. Joe. Joe, two shots. Here you go.

I think I'm-- I'm just gonna stick with a beer.

No, it's not for you. It's for me.

Here we go.

Is that guy playing a Casio keyboard on top of a grand piano?

Welcome to Asia. You're gonna love it here.

- Really? - There's just so much to do.

Well, I don't know. Ten years ago I could not have pictured myself

dragging my family the other side of the world

to start over in some mid-management job.

At least you're making a good living. And... doing good.

Yeah.

I know the bill of goods those Cardiff boys sell you.

You got something against clean drinking water?

Apparently.

Maybe I do need a shot.

No, you don't. No, you don't. You got the kids upstairs.

So what did you do, anyway? In your better days.