It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Everything looks good, Mr. Reynolds.

Your blood work is all normal.

Excellent. As expected, right?

Does look like your blood pressure's

- a little high, however. Um-- - Wait.

- I have high blood pressure? - Well, yes, but

that's consistent with your last visit.

We might want to put you on a low dose

- of blood pressure medication. - Oh... no.

Come on, Doc. Pills are for old men.

Well, we all get to a certain age where we need--

Do we? I don't.

So, no. I mean, you know, let-let's not...

Listen, I-I can see where you're headed with this.

Let's-let's not go there, okay?

If I wanted my blood pressure to be low, I would simply

command my body to make it low.

That's really not how chronic high blood pressure works.

Okay, well, it is how it works with Dennis Reynolds, okay?

And if I'm chronically having high blood pressure,

it's because I'm chronically suffering fools

who won't listen to me when I say that I can do things.

Uh, you know what, Doc? It's fi...

I'm gonna take control of this, okay?

Don't you worry about a thing

'cause Dennis Reynolds is gonna

figure this all out on his own.

There we go.

Blood pressure.

Pulse. Resting heart rate, syncs right to the phone.

And it records everything.

This is perfect.

Now I'll have proof I can smash in that stupid doctor's face.

- Yeah. - Oh, hey, Dennis.

Uh, a-are we above or below sea level?

- What? - Tell him about the family-style cooking.

Yeah, so we're doing

some family-style cooking now, and we got this,

like, industrial-grade pressure cooker.

- Mm. - Pretty badass, man,

but, you know, we got to make sure

we're above sea level just to be safe.

Well, we can't be below sea level.

Otherwise, we'd be underwater.

But if it's under sea level,

- it may explode. - That's our big worry.

That this sucker's gonna explode.

You can't take a pressure cooker under the sea.

It's not gonna explode.

Yeah, that's not how pressure cookers works.

- Yeah. - You're telling me that you can't bring

a pressure cooker onto a submarine?

How do they feed the entire U.S. Navy?

- They don't pressure-cook the shit, Mac. - Navy argument.

- Navy argument... - Stop! Stop! All of you, okay?

They have, like, a grill or something.

I'm calling mental health day.

Mental health day?

What kind of cuckoo shit is that?

It's a new thing. It's like a sick day

but for your brain, and if somebody calls it,

you have to give it to 'em, you can't ask any questions.

Are you calling that? Are you taking that for real?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm calling mental health day, okay?

- And I'm gonna drive out to the beach... - Ooh.

...and spend the entire day just staring at the ocean.

Isn't your car in the shop? I'm sorry.

That's, uh, not a question about mental health.

That's a question of logistics.

Ah, damn it. No, you're right.

Hey, Dennis, I'll come drive you.

I could use a beach day.

Oh, shit. You know what? This could be a good way

- to find out whether or not we're, uh, underwater. -

We can take the cooker there, yeah.

- We're gonna bring the cooker, too. - No. No.

Goddamn it! Do you hear that beeping?

- - That means stop. No!

This is my mental health day, and none of you

are a part of it. Goddamn it!

- -

Hi. How can I help you today?

Uh, yeah, I have a reservation under the name Reynolds.

- Okay, let me check that out for you. - All right.

Wow. That's a lot of typing you're having to do there.

- You writing a novel? - Oh, I'm sorry.

We have no more vehicles available in that class.

No, no, no, I made a reservation.

Sometimes our system double-books,

so that's our mistake, and we are happy

- to offer you a complimentary upgrade. - Okay.

This is the Tsuma EVS, a fully-electric car

with touch screen controls, automated steering

made right here in America.

Oh, these are awesome. I've seen these.

- These are really cool. - Mm-hmm.

Okay, yeah, no. I-I... I accept, and I'll take those keys.

- There are no keys. - Aha.

- There's an app. - Oh, right.

- An app. - Mm-hmm.

Boy, I got tell you, I... I, uh, I don't love that.

I, uh, have a lot of apps on my phone already,

and, uh, keys are sort of a system

that have existed for millennia.

I don't know why we're trying to fix that, but, uh,

yeah, no, now we got apps.

We got... we got apps for everything, right?

Even for things we already had things for.

- -

I guess, uh, since my blood pressure's going up,

really spiking here, I'm just gonna...

I'm gonna go with it. We're gonna download the app.

Right? What's one more app?

The phone is the key now. Simple.

This is nice. Smooth ride, it's quiet.

Try this automated steering thing.

Hey.

Hey!

That is awesome.

Time to kick this mental health day off

with some feel-good plant tonic.

My good friend, Mr. Kratom.

Uh, this stuff's gnarly as hell, though.

I need some... some kind of a mixer.

Uh, Tsuma, direct me to the nearest tea shop.

- - Rerouting to Teaspoon.

Holy shit.

Tsuma, play... Roxette.

- - Now playing Roxette,

-"Listen to Your Heart." -

["Listen to Your Heart" by Roxette playing]

That is so cool.

I'll just sit here and enjoy the ride, I guess.

This car's nailing it.

- Uh, one herbal tea, please. - Which flavor?

Flavor. Uh, I don't know. Jasmine?

Uh, sorry, I meant for the boba.

The little spheres

of, uh, tapioca and sugar?

The tea comes with boba.

Well, it doesn't

because I see the tea right there,

and I see the boba over there,

so why don't we just not combine 'em, yeah?

- - You know, so, I'll take the tea

without the covert diabetes delivery mechanism, please.

- - The system won't let me do that.

Okay. Yeah. No, fine.

One boba, please.

We'll call it a mental health day treat.

Self-care, right? Isn't that what people call it

whenever they need an excuse to do whatever the fuck they want?

- I don't know. - Yeah, I know. Of course you don't.

Of course you don't. One chewy sugar tea, please.

All right. Uh, you can scan the code.

Uh, why?

Because the code takes you to the app.

That's two apps today, yeah.

Got apps for everything, you know?

Even though I'm already talking to the person

that, uh, could just take my order right here,

but I got to download an app, right?

How about this?

I have cash, you have tea.

Why don't we just streamline things?

We don't take cash, though.

Yeah. How about cards? Take cards?

- Uh, yes. - Oh, great.

But there is a ten-dollar minimum.

There's no minimum on the app, though.

[laughs, inhales deeply through nose]

Sorry. It's, uh...

It's not your fault.

You know, you didn't create the system.

The system is just... It is what it is,

and, yeah, we're both victims here, so...

What?

Uh, nothing.

Two boba teas, please.

Ugh! Oh.

That is rough.

Oh.

- Ugh! Aah! -

It's so sweet.

Good, though. It's good.

- - What do you mean, "Key not found"?

Key not found? Th-There is no key.

- The key is my... -

...phone.

Where's my phone? Where's my phone?

- -

Goddamn it, where's my phone?

Ah, shit. Ugh! Yes. What?

- Hey, Dennis. Hey, man. - Hey. - Hey.

Hey, uh, real quick. You know that French dip