The Nanny

Concede, Brighton.

I've got you in two moves.

You're done.

Finished. Toast.

Sir, when it's time to choose

who pulls the plug on the life support,

go with the girls.

Ma, Jules is gonna be here in two minutes.

Would you stop futzing with my skirt?

Can you believe her? Stop it!

Oh, Miss Fine, she's a mother. She's just pulling it down.

She's my mother. She's hiking it up.

Oh, I get it.

Preparing the virgin for the big sacrifice, huh?

Yeah, if it was 1980. Ma!

Meanwhile, show some "de colla tessin".

Stop it, Ma.

I'm not some over-the-hill hussy,

desperate to...

Oh, how's this?

Now, aren't you glad I forced you to go to the Hadassah hoedown?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

She thought that you could meet the man of her dreams

hanging around gay bars.

Ma, I said Zabar's.

I'm getting you a Miracle-Ear.

Hurry up, Miss Fine.

You're not getting any younger.

I'm not the one that looks like Lily Munster.

Meanwhile, I just met the man a week ago.

It takes a while to form a relationship.

I don't even know if we're compatible.

You know, he's a doctor.

That explains why he's trying to remove her tonsils.

Oh, can you believe this?

Ever since The Beatles, I've wanted to meet

a sexy guy with an English accent.

Guess they're all at the Hadassah hoedown.

Meanwhile, you should've come.

There were a lot of nice girls there for you.

Big hair, lots of makeup, tight clothes...

Not my style, but he goes for that type.

Jules, before I forget, come for dinner Sunday.

I'll take the plastic off the couch.

That sounds delicious.

Laugh at his jokes.

She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens

'Til her boyfriend kicked her out

in one of those crushing scenes

What was she to do? Where was she to go?

She was out on her fanny

So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door

She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more

She had style! She had flair! She was there!

That's how she became the nanny!

Who would have guessed that the girl we've described

was just exactly what the doctor prescribed?

Now the father finds her beguiling

Watch out, C.C.!

And the kids are actually smiling

Such joie de vivre!

She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing

The nanny named Fran!

Oh, Maxwell, I can barely keep my eyes open.

I have got to get out of here.

C.C., do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes! Why?

Miss Fine.

No! Why?

She met a gentleman.

I... I... I mean, yes. Yes. Yes.

I'll stick with yes.

They spend every waking moment together.

It's just not...

Fair, sir?

What I was going to say before my...

Back off! Butler interrupted was

she's only just met the man.

It's all happening so fast.

That's why the lady is a tramp.

Coffee?

Yes. Please.

Knock, knock. Mr. Sheffield, you wanted to see me?

Ah, yes, Miss Fine, Grace's school telephoned.

Apparently, she's coming home

with a head full of chocolate cake.

Oh, don't worry. That'll come right out.

I'll just take her to my mother's Weight Watchers meeting.

Miss Fine, aren't you disturbed

that there's a boy in Grace's class

who's pummeling her with food every day?

No. Boys throw food to relieve sexual tension,

unlike girls, who just stuff their faces.

Please. That is such a fallacy.

Well, if you don't need me anymore,

Jules is taking me to a matinee.

Do you want me to bring you home some bonbons?

Thought so. Ah, the theater.

Well, that's something you don't get a lot of around here.

What are you going to see?

Oh, I forget the title.

It's got cleaning fluid in it, though.

Formula 409,

Comet, Lysol?

The Fantasticks? Yeah. That's it.

You want to meet him, Miss Babcock?

Oh, Nanny Fine, I'd love to meet the man

who's taking you away from Max...

A million...

Shell...

Oil.

Oh, nice save.

Well, I'll go get him. He's right outside.

He's playing chess with Brighton.

It's so cute the way he lets him win.

He's going to make a great father someday.

Wait a minute. If Nanny Fine's boyfriend is here,

who's in the chicken suit at the Padres game?

He's gorgeous.

Oh, cheer up.

Perhaps he brought a friend for you.

No.

C.C., MD.

M&M?

So, Jules. Had I known you were going to the theater,

I would have gotten you house seats.

I know the star. I know the producer.

I know the director. I know the theater owner.

I talk to God.

Jules, put that back in your pants.

I can't stand to see two grown men

fight about who's got the biggest connection.

Please, Sylvia, why... why don't you join us?

Oh, no. I... I just came over to see how Fran's date went.

Make like I'm not even here.

Are you sure we can't offer you something?

Oh, no, thank you.

I had a Yoplait this morning around 10:30.

Oh.

Such a big potato for such a little girl.

Look at the time.

They must be having a ball.

I'm going to go in the kitchen.

I need a meat to wash this down with.

I don't know about you guys, but I like Jules.

And he has yet to beat me in chess.

Oh, God, Brighton. He throws every game.

Do you see how easy it is to bond?

Well, I wouldn't get too attached to the bloke if I were you.

We all know Miss Fine's relationships eventually end in disaster.

He asked me to marry him!

Right on the money as always, sir.

That is so cool, Fran. Oh, my God!

Congratulations. I know!

I know. I can't believe it.

I'm so excited! I couldn't eat a...

Oh, kielbasa.

Sweet and sour cabbage. Hit me again.

Oh, such a big corn for such a little girl.

He asked you to marry him? Uh-huh.

You've barely known the man for two weeks.

What, you think it's so hard to believe

a man would fall in love with me that fast?

Yeah, Todd and I knew each other three minutes

before I got a pudding pack right in the eye.

There you go.

Look, you know nothing about this man.

All right, so he's a doctor.

Is he a specialist?

You ain't just whistling Dixie, baby.

Oh, God.

Oh, this is so exciting. So, can I be a bridesmaid?

I know the doctor asked me to marry him,

but I didn't say, "Yes."

This is delicious.

Why don't you grab a knife

and stick it straight through my heart?

That was great. She sounded just like...

Ma!

Ma, let go of my ankle!

You'd better run.

Brighton, is she taking off her shoe?

No, but she's going to hurl a corn.

Ma,

put down the vegetable

and no one gets hurt.

All right. Help me to understand.

Which was the biggest turn off?

The fact that Jules was gorgeous,

rich, or a doctor?

Did I mention he was Jewish?

Darling, I only say this because I love you.

You're a glorified cleaning girl.

This could be your last chance.

Oh, Ma, I didn't say, "No."

I just said I'd think about it.

Okay, I did.

You mean, "I do."