The Big Swag (La Grosse Caisse)

WITH THE CASH ON THE RUN

Is everything all right? Did you see the match yesterday?

For ten years, ticket puncher Félix Pignol has been at station "La Rapée".

Colon, 0.49 hours, comma, the money truck.

Or the motorized wagon number 517 with the day's takings.

Of the 300 metro stations, on the way to the RATP cash office.

With 600 million in small change on board. Good.

The wagon was jokingly called "the big cash register", quotation marks.

And was converted into a moving vault.

Three cash collectors divided, third person plural.

The banknotes and coins over the steel drawers.

A cushy job.

La Rapée was the last station before the RATP cash desk.

Which was located 900 meters further on in an underground passage.

- Angélique, a grog? My treat. - I can't tonight.

Then you also don't know how it ends.

The ending gets extremely exciting. Hadley Chase will get a hell of a fright.

Tell that tomorrow, Mr Bourdin.

Bye, beauty.

She surely thinks she is a stewardess. She is gone again in no time.

She does that to keep me hanging on. But I am not falling for it.

I'll treat you to a grog, chief. Then I'll read from my detective novel.

- My wife is waiting for me. - Then I'll come along anyway.

- Another time. We have visitors. - They will surely like that.

Fine, since you ask so politely...

"A nice... catch".

Exclamation mark.

End.

"The five bags drifted toward Île Saint-Louis...

The fishing could begin. 600 million in small change.

A nice catch. End."

The money truck, a cheat, Miss Metro, station Arsenal, the catch...

Six months' work, 325 pages.

They can brace themselves.

Novel, detective story.

By Louis...

Bourdin.

An American name would be better.

Fleming, Hadley Chase...

Chandler. The best ones are already taken.

Novel. Detective novel by Louis... le Normand.

I have not read that one.

Great book.

That book is not worth anything.

- The nun did it. - Idiot.

No inappropriate remarks during work.

If you play the clown, nobody will care.

Poor soul. He gives orders, but cannot even write.

Sorry, the traffic in Paris is a disaster.

Then take the metro. Even Mrs Metro from 1959 does not have to keep arriving late.

Oh, Angélique. It was very busy at your window.

No trouble with your wrist, chief?

- I'll have you transferred, you know. - Thanks. That sounds good to me.

- I have something for you. - That was not necessary.

It's not chocolate. It's my detective novel.

It is finished.

- Odéon. - Change at Austerlitz.

Let's eat sauerkraut together.

- What is it called? - "The RATP robbery".

I have something for you. Catch.

- You should not have done that, Félix. - It is nothing. Do you like it?

Lilacs. Great.

- Pignol, is everything all right with your wife? - What business is it of yours?

Is the brood growing a bit? How many children do you have? Six or seven?

- If you are asked... - Exactly. Then I must know.

- Bastard. - You are completely.

You yourself started such a big family.

Quickly, there he is.

And the sauerkraut then, Angélique?

- I had arranged to meet my cousin. - Yes, she had forgotten that.

Just give me your book.

- Are you reading it tonight? - If I have the energy.

What do I care. I do not like sauerkraut.

- Until Saturday. - At ten o'clock.

- Tell me, who really wrote it? - I, of course.

- All alone? - Do you want a slap?

I would never have thought so. I read all night. Great.

Do you mean it? Did you really think it was that good?

I am telling you I did not close an eye.

Just keep walking.

Have you completely gone mad, Bourdin?

- What did you think of the battle at Arsenal? - Great.

- I would not have thought that of you, eh. - Great. I am astonished.

- Is something going to come of it? - There is your hole.

And that wonderful catch? Well thought out, isn't it?

I have imagination, you know. Make no mistake.

I feast my eyes without it showing.

- That such a thing has never been done. - Glad you said it.

That proves it is a true story.

And Pignol's face when he reads this...

He will be surprised.

Will it be released soon?

Stay on the line, madam.

Mr Gaston, I have Mr Mauriac for you on line three.

I would like to speak to Mr Ganimard.

Do you have an appointment?

Tell them I am a ticket puncher and that I have written a detective novel.

- There is a terrific robbery in it. - Mr Ganimard is unfortunately travelling.

Mr Simenon? Stay on the line, I will put you through right away.

And that gentleman from the Série Sombre... Marcel...

You're unlucky. Mr Dukamel is in the United States.

Good, then I will read a piece aloud. Then you will know what it is about.

"Pignol, ticket puncher at La Rapée,

saw, as every night, the wagon arrive.

The rolling vault carried the day's takings of 600 million.

The faithless employee had a sly smile on his face."

Tell me honestly, aren't you curious about the sequel?

Yes, leave it here, then you will hear from us. Incredible.

- Is Louis le Normand a pseudonym? - My stage name. What do you think of it?

In the Série Sombre only American names sell.

- I thought so. - Brigitte.

I have a manuscript here. They will laugh upstairs.

The author is a ticket puncher in the metro.

So what? A ticket puncher can have just as much talent as a bourgeois.

Good day, comrade-autodidact.

There we have the writer.

I heard you are going to win the Nobel Prize.

- I would like to read it sometime. - Then you have to learn to read first.

You're just a ticket puncher too.

Some ticket punchers want to move up.

You've really grown up. What's gotten into you?

- I am self-taught. - Self-what?

Poor boy. You do not even master French.

- Stop it already with your big words. - With you it is all just surface.

A self-taught person develops himself.

I thought your parents had done that.

Leave me alone. There is no hope left for you.

Who does he think he is? You no longer fit through the gate.

Just give him another cap, because...

So you have written a masterpiece?

- You seem taller than usual. - That is how I come across to people.

But you may speak to me informally, just like before.

We are all talking about you.

A loser like you writing detective stories...

- How was it at the publisher? - They were enthusiastic.

I knew it, you are becoming famous.

- Will it be released soon? - Soon we will be sitting in a Cadillac.

Will we have a drink later?

Quickly then, because I have an appointment with my publisher.

To sign.

Would you sign here?

But your name is Bourdin, right?

"Sir, unfortunately we must send your manuscript back."

Your subject is weak, the robbery unlikely.

"Therefore we cannot publish your work. Sincerely."

Unlikely.

Is 600 million perhaps unlikely?

Then come see for yourself.

And does the Seine not sometimes flow to Ile Saint-Louis?

It is an incredible time, after all.

Say, that little book of yours... I am astonished.

- It is still very unlikely. - What do you know about that?

- Are you all right? You seem out of sorts. - I am very well.

- I have changed publishers. - Why?

The Série Sombre was sold to the Americans.

I am now with Presses de la Cité, with Simenon.

- I changed the title. - Why?

Only American titles sell.

- "Métropolitain Story". - Great.

The title is very important. It grabs you or it does not. Do not make a mistake.

Les Presses de la Cité. Sign here.

I have just received a delivery from Hachette. Is your book not here yet?

They are going too far. Maybe because of the strikes.

I must go on. They are waiting for me.

Often it stays lying in a drawer.

That little book of his will surely come out with Sint-Juttemis.

Shall we bet?

Mr Writer. Will your bestseller be released or not?

Say, boss, that little book by Bourdin, we really fell for it.

Will it still be published or not? Angélique keeps talking about it.

Tell your publishers that you have 35,000 colleagues, with their families.

Will we have a drink later?

If the publishers do not want it, just say so.

Why would they not want it? It was great, after all?

It will be published.

Plon, sign here.

Is it over at last? You live very high up.

- Do you ever take the metro? - Of course.

Listen, this is really true.

- Every night at 0.45 on La Rapée... - I must finish my round.

Three minutes. I ask no more.

"Not far from the fishing line floated the loot.

Sullivan saw the first nylon bag, lit by the pale moonlight."

Trailing dots...

"The five bags drifted toward Ile Saint-Louis."

This became a miraculous haul: 600 million in small change.

"A fine haul. Full stop." The end.

Well, is that unlikely?

It really comes across. It looks like a fait divers in the newspaper.

They'd do a lot for that.

- A publisher? - No, crooks.

Everything. In order, except the beans.

Grated carrots, celeriac, pâté de campagne, green olives...

Did he spend a long time in prison?

- Five years. - Astonishing.

- Did he ever commit a robbery? - He has done all sorts of things.

I am going to eat a bite.

Enjoy your meal.

The mutton stew.

There is a big stain on your lapel.