8 Simple Rules

Good Morning.

Hey; Welcome to the 'Club'.

What Club?

The 'To hell with everyone

let's sleep till noon, Club'

Want to go out for breakfast

and make fun of the losers having lunch?

For your information

I worked all night at the hospital.

Oh; Right. You're new

Trust me; Eventually the need to justify

sleeping the day away leaves entirely.

Uh-

Well, well. Look who's finally awake.

I was up all night studying.

I was talking to Cate.

Right; She's not even dressed.

No. Look, I was working at the-

Oh! Forget it!

Well, we finally have some food in the house.

Why do you have to be one of the nurses

working the graveyard shift?

Honey; It's not politically correct to say that

when you're talking about a hospital.

Okay; Then, why do you have to be

one of the "healthcare providers"

working the graveyard shift?

Well, with all the cutbacks

I just feel like it's risky

to give up any rotations.

Mom; You're no fun anymore.

I'm fun!

Why just yesterday I made those English-muffin pizzas

Yeah, you're a regular 'Moms gone wild'

Look...

You guys think I like working this much?

I'm really torn up about this.

Well, don't stress, 'Baby girl'

you got two strong men here to help carry the load

Right, Rory?

Yk(You know) I actually do need somebody

to give Kerry a driving lesson

Oh, well

Rory can handle that.

Oh, come on, Cate. Do I have to?

I mean, Kerry is mean

I've never seen such raw, naked hostility since...

Well, Yk. The Korean war?

No. Your mother.

Listen; Kerry's brand of intimidation

May work on Billy goat gruff over there

But she don't scare me!

Hey! What are you guys talking about?

Nothing! Hey! You look nice today.

Mom; Rachel's coming over.

Rachel? Rachel Sharp?

Yeah! What's it to you?

Nothing. It's just she hasn't been over in a real long time.

I know. She says she feels like a third wheel with me and Kyle.

It's not fun.

I don't know how many times I've been with a guy and a girl

and thy look at me like 'What are you doing here?

It sucks, especially when the chick's my girlfriend.

Rachel deserves a guy who appreciates her.

Uhhhhh -ohh -whoa!

Just saying... I'm going out with Missy. Remember?

Yeah; But who can resist an older woman with experience?

I can. It gets easier every day.

I said I'm not interested in Rachel

Grandpa; Can you help me with my homework?

I have to memorize the "Amendments of the Constitution"

Oh, that's smart

Get someone who was there when they were written.

I just hope Jenna doesn't drive Rachel over

She's so annoying, selfish, superficial,

Obsessed with her looks and how many guys like her

Talks endlessly about things nobody really cares about

Who wants to be around someone like that?

And that, Rory, is why me and the guys

put in the 'Fifth Amendment'

Can you look me in the eyes and say that?

If I bend my knees.

You so love Rachel; I know I'm right -No, you'r...-

Ok, you're right. -I am?

I can't explain it. She's sort of my perfect woman

She's nice, smart, pretty even though she doesn't know it

which makes her even prettier.

God; That's what mom always says about me.

Yeah; But I mean it.

Oh, God; You won't say anything to her, will you?

No. Why would I?

Promise!

Look; It would embarrass you, it would embarrass her

and, frankly, I'm more than a little grossed out by it.

Thanks.

Out!

Door!

Rach; You want a laugh?

Bridget; Danielle called.

Oh, she's so annoying, selfish, superficial-

Obsessed with her looks, with boys

talks to much, etc, etc

How did you know?

Bridget; When you point your finger at someone

there's three pointing back at you. See?

No, grandpa. No one's pointing at you.

No, no, no. What I'm saying is...

when you point your finger at someone

there are three fingers pointing back at you

Go on! Try it!

Hey! It works.

Well; Yeah; Now that all three of you are pointing at me.

Nahh...you don't- Oh forget it!

Mom; Rachel's on her way over

Oh honey; Don't you think it's a little late for visitors?

No. It's not.

Ohh... uhhh..

Look; Now that I have you all here

I have some very important to discuss

This came in the mail today

It's a receipt for a deposit

that your father put down on the cabin at the lake

He made the reservation over a year ago.

Dad loved the cabin at the lake -Yeah

It's the first year without him.

Yeah; And this is difficult for me

Eh, with all the extra hours that I'm taking at the hospital

I just don't think that we should spend

your spring break at the cabin

And I know this is gonna bring up a lot of emotions

So I'd like to suggest a vote

'Yes' or 'No' -No -No -No

... anonymously.

Okay; Let's do it that way now.

Remember those car rides to the cabin?

No radio allowed

Yeah; Dad getting all rustic. Ew!

Dad singing "I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger"

All the way.

Would you rather it was "100 bottles of beer on the wall"?

Yes. Anything shorter.

Look, you guys. Is this okay with you? I mean-

Yes -Yes -Yes

Could I just finish my sentence?

I mean the cabin at the lake

it is a long-standing Hennessy family tradition

And I just really think we should take the time

to think about this, to be sure.

No -No -No

Okay. As long as you know

It's the end of an era

So, in the spirit of moving on

can Bridget and I go to the 'Maeve Festival'?

What's that?

It's a celebration of the 'Celtic Goddess Maeve'

which, of course is very significant

to someone named "Hennessy".

She means, me. Tons of guys think I'm a 'Goodness'

Anyway, its a 3_day cultural gathering

to embrace the oneness of humanity.

You said there'd be rock bands.

Oh, no, no, no. You are not going to a Rock_Festival.

Damn straight; Tell'm about Woodstock, Cate. -Dad!

C.J.'s mom went to Woodstock

and did a lot of silly things ...

In a lot of different tents.

My ears are burning

Is someone talking about me?

Free love, my ass. He's never stopped costing us.

Okay, but the 'Maeve Festival' is more than a 'Rock Festival'

It's a spiritual event.

It just attracts a bad element.

Ooh, bad element? Maybe I'll go.

Don't help us

Aunt Cate; I'll tell you what

What don't I chaperone these two and you can pay me?

C.J.; Taco/Burrito conversation...

...'Nachos' (Not yours)

You're just jealous because you can't go

And I've been to more festivals than I cant count

I've met 'Bruce Springsteen'

'Bob Dylan', 'Neil Young'

I've dropped some pretty heavy names

I'm gonna pause and let you pick them up

Mom; Give us one good reason why you don't want us there.

Oh; Actually, I'll give you 3...

'Sex', 'Drugs', and 'Rock & Roll'. -Sold!

Well, why can't we go, if C.J. gets to go?

Because I said so!

"Burrito Finito"! - Ha, ha, ha, ha.....

Oh!

Mom; This isn't fair.

I said no another word.

Mom; There's something you should know

Since dad left, the music's gonna out of our lives

and we thought we could recapture that music

by going to the Maeve Festival

Oh, Bridg'

That's the most moving crock I've ever heard

What? What happened?