The Iliza Shlesinger Sketch Show

- - What up? This is gonna be sick.

Sam, are you ready to get hurt?

- Hell, yeah! Born ready. -

Sammy's gonna ring the doorbell of her ex-boyfriend,

even though she knows his new girlfriend lives there right now.

It's gonna be sick.

- Yeah! -

- Let's get it! - Yeah!

Hey. What are you doing here?

I am still single, and last week,

I made a fake Instagram account to stalk your girlfriend,

and she's prettier than me!

What the...

Oh, my God! That hurt my heart so bad!

Let's see that again in slow-mo.

I'm still single...

- No! - No, no! Who cares?

- It's okay! - You're everything!

- - You--

You're gonna find someone. You're gonna be good, and you know what?

Smol, dude, you're smol.

- I'm smol. - And rare.

- And rare. - Yeah!

- Smol and rare! - Yeah!

- -

- - Meet the Shlesingers.

Seemingly normal newlyweds on the outside,

but with a twist,

once you step inside their home.

No. She is not like other wives.

- - Look alive!

When we first started dating, she was this...

How do you say it?

Uh, girl?

But, since we got married...

it's like she's my bro, and my wife.

She's my husband-wife.

- - Brothers.

Yeah.

Husband Wife...

an all-new docu-series

on ISC.

All right.

Let's get you jerked off so you're not horny at dinner.

- Come on. - All right.

From their unconventional marriage dynamic...

- Whoa! Put your butt away! -

No one's trying to see that.

...to their unexpected sleeping challenges.

Yeah.

Sharing a bed with her is a whole thing.

- - You didn't flush!

This big. Do you see that?

That's the size of a full-grown bass.

That's my girl.

I love you.

Don't you flush that.

Bass dump!

- You want some fruit punch? - Sure.

- - Oh!

See how they attempt to navigate life...

- as a normal couple... - Oh...

...in a society

that shuns their lifestyle.

- -

Oh, it got foamy.

ISC's Husband Wife.

- -

- Come on. - No,

- come on, I... - Come on.

You feel that?

- Yeah. - That's our dinner.

- -

Tuesday at one-ish on ISC.

- You wanna feel the chicken? -

- And you have a chicken. -

- - You may be wondering,

"Do I need a catheter?"

And the answer is,

maybe.

Why not stick one in and see how you like it?

- - I'm Ellen Plebles, and this is week two

of the Ripped Fat Dudes workout.

A four-week program I designed

to keep you in the best shape you can be

as an adult male who eats peanut butter sandwiches in between meals.

Let's meet some of our trainers.

This is Joe.

He's my advanced Ripped Fat Dude.

Notice Joe's pecs are puffy.

Nebulous, shapeless.

They're almost a full A cup.

Joe, tell everyone how you maintain that Ripped Fat Dude shape.

Well, I used to play baseball, I ate waffles

- three to four times a day. - Nice, Joe.

- - Now let's blast through

five grown-man push-ups slowly. Hit it.

- - I want you to notice Joe's form.

See how he keeps it wide.

That way, he's guaranteed to get a jacked armpit, covered in stretch marks.

This is the perfect workout to do

at your niece's christening or in the parking lot of any Best Buy.

And when you're done, make sure to chug down

one to two full-calorie Monster Energy drinks.

Nice job, Joe.

Three...

two...

one.

Rest.

I always like to incorporate

- - an excruciatingly slow bicep curl

into every workout I do. Why?

Because it does not burn any calories.

That way, you can get a ripped shoulder

with a generous layer of fat covering it.

And that's how we're going to maintain that Ripped Fat Dude Physique.

Remember, the Ripped Fat Dude workout plan is all about adding bulk

without any definition.

You wanna look like a potato that's been squeezed by thumbs.

We're talking Matt Damon in between movies,

or Russell Crowe at his absolute peak.

Make sure to down a 64-ounce

Hot Sweat at every meal.

Active recovery.

I'm Ellen Plebles.

I'll see you Ripped Fat Dudes around.

And by around, I mean hanging out doing nothing

on the perimeter of every MMA gym in South Boston.

Let's get it.

- -

We're here at Rick's Snake Farm. Shit's about to get real messed up

- because I brought my friend, Liz... - Hi.

...who wasn't invited

because she and Sammy are kind of on the outs right now,

since Liz dropped out last minute to Sammy's 35th in Palm Springs,

but I'm pretty sure Liz still paid for the room.

- I did. - So Sammy has no reason to still be upset.

Either way, I did not text Sammy to let her know Liz was coming.

- You didn't tell her? - Let's do this.

I'd rather not.

What's up? I'm Sammy Nashville,

and we're at Rick's Snake Pit.

- We're gonna go get some snakes-- - Hey, Sammy!

Hi, Liz.

Hi.

I brought Liz.

I can see that.

- What did you do? - What?

- Let's talk. - Okay.

- The show at my expense! - What's wrong with you?

What do you mean what's wrong with me?

- This is my show! - I get it, I get it!

- She is a bitch-- - But whatever, she's our friend--

You guys, I'm standing, like,

three feet away!

It was a sick-ass stunt that hurt everyone involved, even me.

Next time, on Female Jackass,

Stef's gonna tell me that everyone thinks I'm kind of a bitch.

But the truth is, if they just took a second to get to know me,

they'd see that I'm actually really shy.

She was the greatest star in the world.

I love you!

I'm your biggest fan!

One of the greatest songwriters in history.

Your album is triple platinum,

- you've got 14 Grammys, -

sold out world tour.

You're the only artist to perform alongside her own hologram.

Tell me, how did this all start?

It was a long time ago...