BoJack Horseman

Sarah Lynn.

Sarah Lynn?

I don't have a lot to tell. She called me.

She sounded a little off. I...

So, I drove to the planetarium, and I found her passed out.

I called 911 right away, but it was too late.

I'm so sorry.

I did everything I could.

It's my fault. I'm a terrible mother.

No. It's no one's fault.

So, you don't know where Sarah Lynn got the heroin from?

-I have no idea. -Alrighty then.

That's the only question I had.

I mean, of course I knew she was doing a lot of drugs.

But that's who she was. Who I was.

It felt like we could keep partying forever

-and it wouldn't catch up with us. -Got it. Don't need any more information.

I was in a bad way.

And Sarah Lynn followed me down because she thought I was a safe place.

What have I done?

Just to be clear, the case is closed.

You can stop rambling.

I gotta make some changes in my life.

Starting now.

-I need help. Hello? Ah! -Checking in.

-Welcome to Pastiches Malibu! -Great.

I see you have the six-week package, so... a hundred thousand dollars, please!

A hundred thou-- Jesus!

Does every room come with a free bag full of $90,000?

-Can't put a price on clean living. -And yet somehow you found a way.

Before I take you to your room, could we get a selfie?

What? No.

Every client that comes here takes a picture with me.

Goes on the wall. Kind of a tradition...

I'm not in the mood. I look awful, first of all.

Johnny Depp did it, and he looked just as puffy and ghoulish as you do.

Hey, groundhog. I said no. Why don't you go see your own shadow

so I can get six more weeks of "Leave Me the Hell Alone"?

I'm so sorry, sir.

Thank you. Now if you'll kindly direct me to my room,

I would like to begin the process of healing,

so I can finally stop hurting the people around me, dipshit!

Oh.

So, when I went to the country club for Sheila's luncheon...

Yes. Let it out.

I had to wear the same suit I had just worn to Sandra's tea party.

-Yeah. - Oh.

I think of that as my rock bottom.

Denise, thank you for sharing your story. So brave.

Denise, we are powerless

-over our addictions -Uh-huh.

We have a saying in rehab, "Everyone takes a different road

to get to the same city, Soberopolis, USA."

Hold on a sec. What?

BoJack, maybe you could tell us when was the first time you drank?

When wasn't the first time I drank?

Am I right?

Your last day's tomorrow.

You think you're ready to go back into the world?

I do. I feel good, I feel clear.

You know, just because you cleaned the tobacco out of your teeth

don't mean it's your wedding day, pardon the expression.

I don't believe that is an expression.

I notice you tend to deflect whenever I ask you

about the source of your addiction.

I don't deflect. Hey, is that a new tie? Because I love it.

You understand a joke about deflection is still a deflection, right?

I came here to take responsibility for myself,

and all I keep hearing is, "It's not your fault,

you are powerless over your addiction."

-That is the first step. -And while we're at it, why 12 steps?

That is way too many. Nobody wants to do 12 of anything.

Did you see 12 Years a Slave

and think, "Twelve. That's a short number of years to be a slave"?

-You're deflecting again. -I'm here because I made choices.

Nobody made me drink.

My addiction didn't pull a knife on me

and say, "Hey, bub! Drink this alcohol, or I'm gonna strangle you.

After I put down this knife, which now seems unnecessary."

-We have a saying in the sober community. -No kidding.

"We want what our addictions want us to want,

in the same way that our future is just a house built from the materials

of our present on the blueprint that is our past."

See, usually the point of sayings is they illustrate complicated concepts

via straightforward allegory.

I really admire that your sayings don't do that.

If you don't wanna be here, you don't have to wait until tomorrow.

The gate code is 12, for the number of steps,

then my mom's birthday, which is March 4th, '56.

So, the gate code is one, two, three, four, five, six?

You can leave whenever you'd like. But is that really what you want?

No.

It's so beautiful.

And I know a lot about art

because my husband owns a Jackson Pollock.

My dad owns a signed picture of Kevin Pollak.

What about you, BoJack?

Did you grow up in a house with a lot of art?

Well, my parents practiced the art of being terrible parents.

BoJack, you can't joke your way through this.

Everyone else in this group is trying hard to be honest.

Really? Everyone's being honest?

Doug over here, who keeps dressing in a suit and tie

even though he's never getting his finance job back?

Oh! Savage!

And Joan Tripplehorn?

We all know you're just Jeanne Tripplehorn wearing fake glasses!

What? No!

I'm Jeanne's identical twin Joan.

Mm, Jeanne Tripplehorn. Not an alcoholic.

And that guy with the fake mustache is obviously actor Jay Hernandez

who's just here to do research for a role.

No. I'm a no "Hernandez."

Like I say, my name is Mario. Directed by Zack Snyder.

I'm addicted to pain pills from breaking too many bricks on my head.

BoJack's right! You all suck!

-Yeah, well, let's talk about Jameson. -Uh...

-I'd rather you not. -She would love to get sober

but still has her friend McCaitlyn sneak her water bottles

filled with vodka every visiting day.

Jameson?

-Um... -Have you been smuggling in alcohol?

How is this my fault? I blame water for being vodka-colored!

This is your fifth time in rehab.

-Maybe it's a sign it's not working, huh? -BoJack...

Everyone, just as a general rule,

if you're checking into rehab more than once,

either you're a lost cause...

...or this is just an industry that profits off of repeat customers,

so maybe they don't have your best interest at heart.

-Oh! -How's that for honest?

Mamma mia.

Hey, snitch! I only sneak in vodka

because I have to make it through six weeks of this bullshit.

I don't even need to be here.

My dad totally overreacted when he found me not breathing.

Yeah, it's always someone else's fault, right?

-You have no idea what I've been through. -I know everything you've been through.

I listen in group! Your mom died of cancer.

Your dad stuck you in boarding school and remarried.

And now there's a new baby and no one pays attention to you.

But it's not his fault you're drinking in rehab.

I was sober for most of last year

and he just waited for me to slip up so he could ship me here

so I wouldn't embarrass him and ruin his new perfect family--

Hey, if you don't wanna be here,

the gate code is one, two, three, four, five, six.

You could sneak out the upstairs window after midnight bed check

by tying your sheets into a rope

and nobody would notice you're gone until wake-up.

But... is that what you really want?

Ugh!

Holy sheet!

I've heard of being at the end of my rope...

but this is ridiculous!

Why would Sabrina run away like that?

Because I had to break it to her that you weren't going to be her new mommy,

international supermodel Cindy Crawfish!

When I was flying to Paris for Paris Fashion Week

and my private plane crashed into your backyard,

the one thing I never expected was to find someone so special.

Oh.

Aw!

Cut! That's a five, everyone!

So, look, you're doing everything great.

I'm loving your instincts, it's dead on, couldn't be better, perfect.

The one problem is the kiss got an "aw."

It's supposed to get an "Ooh!"

-Right? -I'm nervous, okay?

This is my first on-camera kiss, and it's with Cindy Crawfish.

You know how many guys would kill to be in your shoes?

What do I gotta do?

Kiss you on the lips myself to show you what a real kiss looks like?

Ha-ha-ha!

-No. I'll handle it. -Well, I sure as hell hope so.

Mm.

-Hey, what's in this orange juice? -Just a little extra punch.

Oh. No, no, I don't--

Trust me. It'll loosen you up.

The one thing I never expected...

was to find someone so special.

- Hmm! - Ooh!

Love it! Cut and scene!

Hey, no way, the party's just beginning. Let's do one more take!

You up for more acting, Cindy?

Well, if it's for the show.

Hey, Sharona, how 'bout some more of that OJ?

- Whoa! Ow. -Huh?

Holy sheet.

I've heard of being at the end of my rope, but this...

is very serious!

Jameson!

Don't cut the string that connects you to the kite that is you!

- What? -I don't know!

I was just trying to come up with one of those dumb rehab sayings!