Le Majordome

Mr. Attorney General, you have the floor for your requisitions.

It is a sordid crime, gentlemen of the jury, sordid,

and committed under abominable conditions that you are called upon to judge in complete serenity.

The confessions of a murderer crushed by the evidence dictate your verdict

that everyone is waiting for, including the accused.

And which is entirely contained in article 12 of the penal code, this bible of honest people.

Every person condemned to death shall have his head cut off.

Gentlemen of the jury, may no scruple trouble you.

Apply the law without remorse or weakness.

Let that head fall, justice will be done and society will be grateful to you.

I would have liked to find in Mérindol mitigating circumstances that would have reassured me.

Alas, I am still looking for mitigating circumstances.

Mérindol raise your head. Come on, a little courage.

Look me in the face. Yes, that is indeed the face of a murderer easy to identify.

It bears all the stigmas of a hereditary infamy.

Hereditary...

But then then, gentlemen of the jury, it means that he was born a murderer.

It means that from all eternity, he was destined for crime.

He could not escape his miserable fate. It was written.

His eyes empty of all feeling, his protruding ears,

that abject mouth, so many mitigating circumstances.

No, gentlemen of the jury, I do not want that head-there, let him keep it.

- Ah there there at last... - What, ah there there at last?

The assize court with monsieur de Roissac used to be a slaughterhouse.

Today, it is the defense round-point.

It is not me saying it, it is Maître Maurice.

stone at monsieur de Roissac, on the contrary.

I have always been against the death penalty. But

a head from time to time, for the principle, reassures.

You are an ingrate monsieur Massicard, or an unconscious man.

For more than 20 years, my master has never stopped feeding the guillotine.

One only has to browse through this guest book, a true anthology of selected pieces.

No no, do not touch it.

What a record! That-one.

That-one, remember?

Until the last moment, he believed he would get away with it, the innocent man.

Those-ones are those who benefited from presidential pardon. Wonderful those three-ones.

That morning-there, I had accompanied my master by special favor.

They were...

Following.

In accordance with the law, decides by absolute majority to condemn Jules Marcel Mérindol

to 10 years of imprisonment.

An armchair.

Léopold, I am a finished man.

No, monsieur attorney general, nothing is ever finished. Man is a constant.

Yes yes, I know what I say. Finished. 10 years of forced labour, a shame.

If it had fallen on me, only a year ago.

One must not throw away the handle after the axe. Monsieur will do better next time.

No Léopold, no, I can no longer requisition.

Thank you.

I arrive at the palace full of good intentions, certain of getting the maximum.

I launch into my requisition. At the beginning, everything goes best in the world.

Right away, I ask for death, as a precaution, an insurance against myself.

- And then at the very last moment crack, I crack. - Curious, extremely curious.

I say to myself: « You are not going to do that. » But yes, I do it.

An irresistible force pushes me to it.

I cannot help asking for mitigating circumstances.

- You were doing so well. - Last night, I read you my notes.

Last night, the head was in the bag.

And today...

I hope not to relive tonight the nightmare that agitated me last night.

Terrible! I dreamt that you were leaving me Léopold.

Me, leave monsieur? But to go where? Unthinkable.

You were returning to Londres, your former master was happy to take you back.

Since that is certain, I will never return to Londres.

- Do you no longer love Angleterre? - I am not an ingrate.

Angleterre has showered me with gifts but I have nothing more to hope from it.

I have brought back from Londres all it could give me.

Beautiful black ties, striped trousers and the sense of dignity.

Confess it then Léopold, do you regret Lord Parkinson?

I valued Lord Parkinson. You monsieur, it is different, I admire you.

- Come now do not talk nonsense. - I admire you, I envy you.

I would even dare to say that I love you, if that word did not imply a suspicious familiarity.

Lord Parkinson taught me the art of serving. You taught me the

beauties of the law by associating me with your work. Thank you, monsieur.

By offering me the penal code for my birthday, you enriched my mind.

Exhilarating work. One gets to know man and his 1001 possibilities.

Murder, theft with or without breaking in, with or without scaling,

fraud, fraudulent bankruptcies,

armed attack, pimping,

prostitution, indecency, what do I know...

One discovers the world as it is. What a marvel. Rest your head on the pillow.

Good evening monsieur. Good night monsieur.

- You are not going to leave me like this? - Yes monsieur, like every Wednesday.

Like every Wednesday. But where in the world are you going every Wednesday?

- Where duty calls me. - I am not asking you for confidence,

But this evening, exceptionally, Léopold, do not leave me.

I feel that they are going to come. Do not leave me alone with them.

- But no monsieur, they will not come back. - Yes, they will come back, they will avenge themselves.

Pretext to keep me. You run no risk. Take these drops, you will calm down.

- Ah, I do not want to stay alone! - A little courage, monsieur.

I promise not to come back late.

At least, promise me to telephone me.

I will telephone you, monsieur, at exactly 23:00.

If I do not answer, it is because they are there and I will no longer be there.

Be reasonable. Try to sleep.

Léopold.

Sir?

- Farewell Léopold. - Goodbye monsieur.

See you later, sir.

- Good evening, miss Arlette. - Good evening, Mr. Léopold.

- Is there a lot of people in there? - Full to bursting.

Perfect.

Mr. Léopold.

Mr. Léopold, this is Lucette, my number 2.

I brought her because she made another scene with my number 5.

- Later. - I would like to know...

No questions, your turn.

The first ones to arrive.

- Sit down. - Let the slut in, that is fine.

I beg you, get rid of this object. Carrying a prohibited weapon, article 42 of the penal code.

- 42, that is for the newbies. - I am listening.

Each in turn, first witness.

- Present. - Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth.

A man's word.

Of course, as usual, you will comply with a decision that is final.

- Okay. - Des Orfevres.

I am listening. Quick and short.

We were in Saint-Trop grilling an entrecote by the edge of the vat.

By overthinking, we end up finding a little quiet job:

a take from the Miramar safe, 12 million without getting wet.

Please speak properly. I am translating.

Your gibberish.

You took 12 million from the safe of a hotel, to be divided into three equal shares.

- In order? - In order.

- And then? - And then? That slut...

Sorry. That unscrupulous partner...

I understand. He ran off with the till. In order.

In order. We found him hidden at his polka's... Sorry, at the matrimonial home.

- Did you recover the money? - He had cracked the fruit bowl a little.

- In French, please. - There were 10 million left, cash.

And what became of the other two million?

Dad's alimony.

Dad's? You never had any.

Do you have a defense to present?

I do not need to defend myself, Mr. Léopold. Only, I felt the cops coming.

So I split to save the haul. Proof: they searched our hideout.

Sorry, I mean our little nest, and they found nothing. And thanks to whom?

- They ought to raise a statue to me, there. - A statue? A war memorial.

A statue, exactly. But there is no justice.

No justice?

But that is precisely the one you have a date with.

- If I were not holding myself back. - A little restraint, please.

Anything to add?

You have the floor.

I am going to tell you something good, Mr. Léopold.

The underworld must set an example or it is the end of the great era.

I ask for the maximum 12 million is worth a tombstone.

It is a serious matter and it calls for reflection.

Judgment in 8 days.

Then we will have him on our backs for 8 days.

The hearing is closed, you are free.

Mr. Leopold, this is the 5th time we have come here for consultation so we thought...

Mr. Léopold, I am in on it. It is a trifecta.

Gentlemen, you are mistaken. I am not a hired judge.

Do us a favor, come on. It is not much, of course, but it comes from the heart.

Do not insist or I am going to get angry.

Take back your property if I may put it that way.

- Since they say it comes from the heart. - A flagrant bribe.

- Article 81. - What are we going to do with that?

Send it to the social works of the judiciary. Gentlemen, this way to the exit.

Do you want me to tell you what you are? A saint, you are a saint.

That is the word I was looking for.

Aren't you ashamed? Fresh banknotes all hot. Allergic to money, that is something.

- Are you Crésus or what to refuse cash? - No question, will you!

In Londres, you were less sectarian. At Lord Parkinson's, you did not spit on tips.

Not tips, gratuities, nuance. And then in Londres I could allow myself

a few weaknesses, I still did not know who I was.

Who you were? You were mine, I was yours, we belonged to each other, no problem.

- Whereas now... - Whereas now?

We no longer belong to each other. You come once a week for summit conferences

then you disappear into Grand Paris. Hello, good evening.

I do not count. An object of last resort. That's true.

If I were asked about you, I would not even know what you do.

Nor where you go, nor how, nor why, nor with whom.

I said no questions.

You are the suspense man, Fantomas. So I am nothing more to you?

You are what you have become.

- One cannot be without having been. - Still. I am still marketable.

Look at me like before.

I look at you like before, but I see you like after.

Since Londres, a lot of water has flowed under the Mirabeau bridge.

- For me Londres was yesterday. - And yesterday was when?

Count. You, me, do the math.

- It is still within our prices. - You are a nice girl, my little Arlette.

In Londres, we made future plans. I told myself, I will grow old with him.

Be half satisfied, your plan has partly come true. To the old story.

All the same, you should have taken their cash. It is a bit silly to refuse.

That is inconceivable.

Will you tell me what all that trouble you take for them is for? All that work?

I do not work, Arlette. I judge sovereignly. I arbitrate, I advise.

I watch over the application of all laws. Natural law, written law, oral law

always changing in their eternal permanence.

- Bring in the next one. - You have become so arrogant.

The next one. But come in, my little one, do not be afraid.

The door.

Sit down. This is the first time you have come.

Yes, Mr. Judge.

I am listening.

- It's not for me, it's for my brother. - And why didn't he come himself?