Hexed

*[Divine Thing by Soup Dragons playing]

* YOU ARE THE ONE SUPREME BEING *

* JUST DRESSED TO KILL

* AND FULFILL JUST ANY DREAM *

* YOU ARE THE ONE HEART'S DESIRE *

* ALL HIPS AND LIPS

* MADE TO TRICK JUST ANY FOOL *

* I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT YOU WERE AN ANGEL *

* 'CAUSE YOU'RE A SWEET, SWEET, SWEET *

* DIVINE THING

* BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

* THAT YOU WERE THE DEVIL

* DRESSED LIKE A SWEET, SWEET, SWEET *

* DIVINE THING

* YOU LACK THE ONE THING THAT IS DEVOTION *

* NOT ALWAYS THERE, IN YOUR HAIR *

* IN A DAZE

* JUST TOO MIXED UP IN YOUR OWN EMOTION *

* YOUR VANITY

* WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR GREATEST THING *

* I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT YOU WERE AN ANGEL *

* 'CAUSE YOU'RE A SWEET, SWEET, SWEET *

* DIVINE THING

* BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

* THAT YOU WERE THE DEVIL

* DRESSED LIKE A SWEET, SWEET, SWEET *

* DIVINE THING *

[people chattering in Japanese]

*

MMM. MMM.

MMM.

GIN AND TONIC, PLEASE.

ANOTHER GINGER ALE.

AND HURRY, BEFORE THEY REALIZE MONKEYS COULD DO THIS JOB.

GET PAID WITH SCRAPS.

PARDON ME, FRIEND. DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER?

I SINCERELY HOPE NOT.

I'M--I'M VICTOR THUMMELL, V.P. OF MORTGAGES.

OH. THANK YOU.

OH, THAT'S CUTE.

YOU'RE CUTE. HAVE A TREAT.

MMM.

*

MIGHT I INQUIRE

WHY YOU'RE CRYING?

THIS IS THE FIRST NEW YEAR'S EVE I'VE SPENT ON MY OWN,

SINCE MY DIVORCE.

OH.

I WAS MARRIED TO A MAN WHO USED TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DIRT.

LORD, I MISS HIM SO.

CEASE THOSE TEARS. AND COME JOIN THE PARTY.

LEST PEOPLE THINK I COULDN'T FIND A DATE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE.

*[Moon River by Andy Williams playing]

* MOON RIVER

* WIDER THAN A MILE

* I'M CROSSING YOU IN STYLE SOME DAY *

* OH, DREAM MAKER

* YOU HEART BREAKER *

A THOROUGHBRED OWNER FROM ENGLAND!

I THOUGHT ONLY DRUNKEN LOSERS WOULD BE AT TONIGHT'S PARTY.

IF YOU THOUGHT THAT, WHY DID YOU COME?

TO MEET SOMEBODY.

HERE'S TO RUNNING WITH THE IN-CROWD IN THE NEW YEAR.

OH! OH, MY GOD. OH.

I'M SORRY. OH.

OH.

YES, IT'S...

IT'S--IT'S ALL RIGHT.

OH.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME, SIR.

THERE'S A PHONE CALL FOR YOU AT THE FRONT DESK.

GLORIA, WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO INTERFERE?

YOU'RE LATE, AND THERE'S AN EMERGENCY.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

THIS GUY'S CREDIT CARD WON'T CLEAR AND HE IS REALLY PISSED.

MATTHEW, I WANT THAT LINCOLN RETURNED TO ME RIGHT NOW.

IT WAS A MISTAKE, LETTING YOU BORROW IT.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT GODDAMNED TIME.

YOU'RE USING THE ACCESS CODE FOR VISA INSTEAD OF AMERICAN EXPRESS.

WHAT KIND OF ASS-BACKWARD HOTEL ARE YOU RUNNIN' HERE?

WELL, MY APOLOGIES, SIR, BUT THIS LITTLE LADY HERE, SHE'S JUST--

SHE'S JUST LEARNING THE ROPES.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE FROM LEXINGTON, SON.

BORN AND RAISED.

WELL, HAPPY NEW YEAR, BOY.

AND RIGHT BACK AT YA.

HI.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHERE AM I GOING, GLORIA?

I AM NOT SPENDING ANOTHER NEW YEAR'S EVE BEHIND THIS DESK.

I AM GOING TO BE DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY

WITH THE REST OF NORTH AMERICA.

HOLIDAY PALACE.

MATTHEW!

ASSISTANT MANAGER FOR YOU.

SIMON.

YOU HAVE THE NIGHT OFF. WHY ARE YOU CALLING HERE?

JUST CHECKING IN.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING A WHITE DINNER JACKET?

I HAVE GOT YOU BY THE BALLS THIS TIME,

YOU ENTRY-LEVEL PIECE OF SHIT. YEAH.

I'VE HEARD ALL ABOUT THE, UH, LITTLE GAMES YOU PLAY WHILE I'M NOT AROUND.

SIMON-- NO.

NO. YOU WILL GO SEE MR. LEVINE.

MATTHEW.

YOU KNOW, YOU REMIND ME OF MY OWN SON.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT.

MY OWN SON IS A PUTZ.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

MIDNIGHT.

JESUS.

THE FIREWORKS JUST GAVE ME A FLASHBACK TO VIETNAM.

YOU WERE IN VIETNAM? NO.

BUT THERE ARE A LOT OF MOVIES.

LISTEN.

WE'VE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM BEFORE.

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK TO WORK?

FAREWELL, LOSER.

I WASN'T LET GO, SIMON.

LEVINE DIDN'T FIRE YOU?

SHIT! WHY ARE THE JEWISH PEOPLE ALWAYS SO FORGIVING?

YOU'RE A PITIFUL FUCK, WELSH.

I'VE HATED GUYS LIKE YOU ALL MY LIFE.

HETEROSEXUALS?

WHAT A DICK.

SIR, YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHO IS ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.

SIMON, I AM NOT IN THE MOOD TO GUESS.

JUST TELL ME.

I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT. FRANCE.

GO ON, TAKE A SHOT. IT WON'T KILL YOU.

SHE'S ON LINE 2.

I'M CALLING IT A NIGHT. ANY MESSAGES FOR ME?

I'M IN 796.

NO, SIR. NO MESSAGES FOR YOU.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU CHECKED ME IN THIS MORNING.

YOU WORK HERE.

YOU WORK...

HEY. HEY, HE WORKS HERE.

OH, MY GOD, MATTHEW.

DON'T SAY IT, PLEASE.

OK, I'M SORRY. OK. JUST DON'T SAY IT.

LOOK, SHE'S EVERYWHERE.

I LIKE MEN WHO DARE TO BE DIFFERENT.

I LIKE MEN WHO KNOW HOW TO PLAY.

I LIKE MEN WHO AREN'T AFRAID TO TAKE RISKS.

I LIKE MEN TO BE INDIFFERENT.

INDIFFERENCE.

FOR THOSE WHO COULD CARE LESS.

FROM PIERRE KATZ.

GOD, I WISH I SAW A FACE LIKE THAT IN THE MIRROR.

TRUST ME. I'VE SEEN WHAT HEXINA LOOKS LIKE IN THE MORNING.

IT'S GROTESQUE.

YOU'VE SLEPT WITH HEXINA?

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LIE TO ME?

IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I HAPPEN TO KNOW...

EVERY TIME YOU SEE A CELEBRITY ON T.V...

...A LOT OF VERY, VERY FAMOUS PEOPLE.

...YOU SAY YOU KNOW THEM.

YES, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW YOU, RIGHT?

YEAH. LISTEN. WELL, YOU KNOW, IT--IT JUST SO HAPPENS

THAT HEXINA'S BODY USED TO BE MY OLD MAILING ADDRESS.

BOOM. SHH.

HEY, LEVINE NEEDS US.

YOU, TOO, NEEDLE-DICK.

INCREDIBLE AS IT MAY SEEM,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN IMPORTANT GUEST HERE TOMORROW.

THE FASHION MODEL FROM EUROPE. VELVEETA.

HEXINA.

HEXINA. ALL RIGHT, HEXINA.

NOW, YOU PEOPLE ARE THE ONLY ONES I'M TELLING.

THE WOMAN WISHES TO KEEP HER VISIT TO THIS COUNTRY A SECRET.

...HERE!

THAT'S WHY SHE PICKED THIS HOTEL.

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT WHO STAYS HERE.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON?

WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU, THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS OR SOMETHING? WHAT IS IT?

WELL, SIR, UM, MATTHEW WAS JUST TELLING ME THAT--

THAT HE USED TO DATE HEXINA.

OH, REALLY? AND HITLER OWNED A DELI.

MATTHEW, COME ON.

COME ON. IT WAS SUCH A COINCIDENCE.

I MEAN, WHY--WHY ARE YOU FAILING TO SEE THE HUMOR IN THIS?

WHY?

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN AT THIS HOTEL FOR 12 YEARS, GLORIA.

SINCE I WAS 18.

AND--AND I'VE JUST ALLOWED MYSELF TO BECOME

LIKE A PERMANENT FIXTURE HERE.

BESIDES, IT'S NOT A VERY GOOD FEELING BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

I KNOW.