Ed

Oh, that one's gone!

Okey-dokey, gents.

That there is a perfect example

of how not to get an invite to pitch for the Santa Rosa Rockets.

So, who's our next victim?

Look at them boots!

Bill's gonna take this kid downtown.

Thanks.

Ow! Damn! (RADAR GUN BEEPING)

Lordy! Let me see that radar gun, son.

Holy torpedo, Batman!

I think we got a rocket arm.

Excuse me, uh, sir?

Hell of an arm. Thanks.

You ever play pro ball? Nope.

Semi-pro? Nope.

College? High school? Little League?

No.

Uh, kid, did anyone ever see you pitch?

Uh, my mom.

Oh, Speed! What did you let me sleep in for?

Today's the big day.

I love you, too, buddy,

but you got the worst breath on Planet Earth.

Hey, Speed, wanna help me get loose, huh?

Set?

Go.

Go get it.

Don't forget the paper.

All right, Daisy. All right.

I aim to please, ladies.

Bon appetit, Wilbur.

Wilbur?

Mornin', Charlotte. Where's Wilbur?

Wilbur! Mom, you didn't.

Come on, eat him, honey.

It's your big day. You need the protein.

I can't. I'm sorry.

Well, I can. Give me that.

I'm late anyway. I gotta go.

Deuce, think fast.

You're ready. Get outta here.

So, uh, no advice?

Work hard, son. Dad!

Jack.

Have fun.

Dad, it's baseball. How could I not have fun?

All right, I gotta go. You be good, huh?

Wanna get it one more time? Ready?

He's right. I'm ready.

I love you, Speed.

Come on, Meat!

Coop! Cooper! Cooper!

Jack "The Deuce" Cooper,

sure not having any fun out there.

Yikes!

Well, here comes a reason for Cooper to gag.

The only thing bigger than his hunk of chaw is his bat.

I am talking about Number 13, the leading batter in Class A,

Kurt "The Crush" Bunyon.

The Crush sports a .397 average, 22 homers...

and an attitude to match.

What the hell you lookin' at, taco?

What do you say now, Coop?

Cooper's been shaking off fastball signs all afternoon,

trying to get what we heard was a mean curveball over the plate.

Get him out!

But, from what I've seen,

it ain't mean, and it sure don't curve.

God's sakes! Tell me he ain't gonna throw the curve, Tip.

"He ain't gonna throw the curve, Tip."

Whoa! (SCREAMS)

Sorry.

Oh, no, no, no. Not your fault, Joe. Not your fault.

That scared the crap out of me.

The rookie's pitching today.

(ON TV) Baseball's a game...

Poor guy.

But in his minor league debut,

the pressure's causing a slight choking problem.

That proves it. He's a choke artist.

What are you doin' about it, Chubb, hmm?

Kirby, I'm working on it.

I'll tell you this much.

"Chokeitis" is a very delicate matter.

And only an idiot would be rubbing his nose in it.

Hey, tell me something I don't know.

Anyhoo, the reason I'm here.

What the hell is this?

Innovation, Chubb.

Dad bought him from the estate of a Mr. Mickey Mantle.

It'll put butts in the bleachers,

and that, my friend, is money in the bank.

Come on, you're not serious, are you?

Look at me, Chubb.

Chubb, do I look like I'm joking?

No, sir, I can...

I can see you got your thinking cap on.

It's just that the boys aren't gonna like it.

The boys aren't paying your salary.

Neither are you. Your old man is.

Hmm.

I'll catch up with you a little bit later.

Hey. Don't sweat the pitch, Jack.

Your luck's gonna change.

Before cut week?

Well, you're not the only guy wonderin' that.

Look at a guy like Carlton Fisk.

He couldn't even get arrested in Boston,

so he moves to Chicago, changes his number,

and where's he headed now?

That's right. Cooperstown.

Coop, Fisk ain't headed for Cooperstown because he changed his number.

The way you've been pitching,

the only thing you're ever gonna have in common

with the Hall of Fame is your name.

Now, here, pick this guy up tomorrow.

8:00 a.m. at the bus.

Well, why me?

Well, I guess it's your lucky day.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

I'm, uh, supposed to pick up a ballplayer.

Last row.

Hey! Hey, buddy, wake up!

Hey! (GROANING)

Wow! What a glove!

Ooh! No!

Huh?

This is some kind of a joke, right?

Just what I need, a monkey.

All right, very funny. I'm laughing. Ha-ha.

Can we go now?

All right, come on. Get in the truck.

All right, be a good boy. Now, get in the truck.

Come on. Get in the truck.

Fine, suit yourself. But it's a long walk home.

And you got some seriously short legs.

Hey. Hey! Stay. Stay! Stay!

Stay! Stay!

In the back. In the back.

No, no, no, no! You in the back!

In the back! Get in the back!

In the back!

Open the door.

Stop messin' around. I had a really bad day, okay?

Open the door.

All right.

Oh!

Open the door! Open it!

Oh, that's attractive.

Open the door.

Open the door!

Open it! Don't play with those.

Don't play with those! Come on! Don't...

No! No, no, no, no, no, no!

Please, no! Come on!

This is ridiculous.

Thank you. Oh.

I suppose you drive too.

Wait a minute. Hold on there.

Easy, easy! Hold your horses.

Slow down, rookie.

Oh, yeah!

Uh, fellas, I want you to meet Mickey Mantle's monkey.

Curious George! Cool!

I have read all your books.