The Nanny

Oh, honey, are you gorgeous!

You look just like a virgin.

Here, I brought you some crackers

for your morning sickness.

So when are you and Danny gonna set a date already?

Oh, you know me,

always a bridal consultant, never a bride.

Right, Danny?

What can I say?

Well, how about, "Here's a ring. Pick a pattern?"

I'm serious.

We've been pre-engaged for three years already.

I'm sorry.

I should've said this sooner.

I wanted to do it some place nice.

Oh, wow.

All right. Here goes.

I've been thinking...

we should start seeing other people.

What? Since when you been thinking that?

Since I saw Heather Bibelow.

I can't believe you're telling me this.

What, were you stringing me along

because I'm your best salesgirl?

That's the other thing.

Heather needs a job.

You're firing me?

I can't believe I just wasted three years

of an ever-dwindling youth on you and this dump!

You can't fire me, Danny Imperiali.

I quit!

No. You fired me.

That way, I can collect unemployment.

Hello, I'm Fran Fine,

your Shades of the Orient cosmetics representative.

Oy, what a loser.

Hello, I'm Fran Fine...

Yes, come in. We've been expecting you.

Oh, you have?

You are here for the nanny position?

I could be.

Wow, this place is nicer

than my Uncle Jack's condo in Boca,

and, you know, he bought the model.

May I present your résumé to Mr. Sheffield?

Uh... résumé?

You know what?

Why don't you go get this Mr. Sheffield,

and I'll do the résumé presenting myself.

As you wish.

This ought to be good.

We're never gonna find an actress for this part.

Ann Miller passed. Gwen Verdon passed.

Ruby Keeler passed...

away, I believe.

What's she doing on this list?

Relax, darling.

You need a shiatsu.

Sorry to interrupt, sir.

I see you're working hard as always,

Miss Babcock.

Theater has always been a passion of mine.

Hmm.

I can't wait to see what you'll be mounting next.

Yes, Niles. What is it?

Sir, there is a new nanny waiting to be interviewed.

What happened to the old one?

Brighton staged another fake suicide.

Best one yet.

Spread-eagle on the marble

with a bit of catsup trickling from his ears.

We've got half the money people

in New York

coming to our backers' party,

and I will not have those children running loose!

Not that I don't love them as if they were my very own.

Mm-hmm.

I do.

Oh!

Oh...

Ah...

Ohh.

Do you have a pen?

Oh, forget it.

Brighton, you're losing your touch.

I'm Maxwell Sheffield.

This is my son,

the late Brighton Sheffield.

Wait. I know you.

Esquire magazine,

"New York's 10 most Eligible Widowers."

My condolences, by the way.

You read Esquire?

When they list

the 10 most eligible widowers, I do.

Hi. I'm Fran Fine.

Well, do come in.

Oh, boy, do you have gorgeous chachkas.

Ah... I beg your pardon.

Oh, you know, your bric-a-brac,

dust collectors.

Ah, the Rodin. Yes, well...

He was... He was well-known for his bronze chachkas.

May I see your résumé, please?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Crayon? Lipstick.

Of course, and what a lovely shade.

I hate her.

Now, Brighton, let's not be hasty.

Yeah, I haven't even sung "Climb Every Mountain" yet.

Miss Fine, you seem to have listed

the Queen Mother as a reference.

What? Let me see that.

Oh, no. That's not the Queen Mother.

That's my mother from Queens!

Hi, Daddy.

Oh, hello, sweetheart.

Maggie.

Hello, Father.

Oh, boy, are you gorgeous!

And look at that hair.

You see, now,

you cannot get color like that

from out of a bottle.

No way.

I'll be in my room doing my homework.

Really lights up a room, doesn't she?

You don't need personality when you're an heiress.

So, sweetheart,

how was therapy today, hmm?

Any, uh... any breakthroughs?

Dr. Borne and I did some regression.

She took me back through my childhood.

Must have been a quick trip.

Oh, you have no idea how complicated I am.

Therapy, huh?

It was a lot easier than talking to us directly.

All right. That's it.

Brighton, go to your room.

All right. Come on, Gracie.

Let's leave Father alone to hire someone else

to take care of his problem children.

Oh, you're a bitter little person, aren't you?

We're gonna get along fine.

I'm... I'm sorry you had to see that.

I'll show you out.

What'd I do?

One smart-ass remark from the kid,

and I don't get the job?

That's not fair.

As you can see, I need help here...

More help than can be provided

by a door-to-door cosmetics girl.

Niles?

Niles!

Oh, for God's sakes, I'll get it.

Sheffield residence.

No, honey, it's Fran.

Give me that.

It's the nanny agency.

Maxwell Sheffield here.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah. Right.

No, no. Monday is not acceptable.

Listen, I need a nanny this weekend.

Do you have any experience with children?

Are you kidding?

I practically raised my sister's two kids

when she was suing her chiropodist.

There has to be another agency.

Oh, please! I come from Flushing.

There is nothing these kids can throw at me

that I haven't seen before,

except maybe their trust funds.

All right. You're hired, but on a trial basis.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Sheffield!

Thank you so much. You won't regret it.

Somehow, I'm rather sure I will.

Niles will show you to your room.

Oh! The nanny gets to live here?

Is that a problem?

Oh, yeah. I'm sure I'm gonna miss being 29

and still living at home with my parents,

but, if it's best for the kids...

Twenty-nine.

Don't start with me, Niles.

Good morning, everyone!

Ooh, that Jacuzzi tub really knows

how to perk a girl up in the morning.