It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Oh, where am I? Oh.

Oh.

Where am I?

Oy, I made it home.

Oh, God.

Oh. Oh.

Ah?

Where am I supposed to be?

Oh, shit, look.

Okay.

Get up.

Oh, I drank too much.

Ooh, got to piss. Got to piss. Got to pee.

Where's the toilet? Where's the toilet?

Ah, there it is.

Oh!

Okay, Frank.

Pull yourself together, get to the bar.

Okay...

Eh, eh. Eh.

Mm, mm. Mm.

Still got it.

All right, here we go. See what we're getting into today.

It's only a backup. You're gonna be fine.

If everybody sticks to the tasks that I've carefully tailored

for each of you, then you're gonna be great.

Everything's gonna work out. Oh, shit.

Frank, do you know what's happening?

Mm, play it cool, play it cool.

Ah, Dennis, I know what's happening.

Ah! My God. So what?

Well, if we were just asking if everybody knows what's going on,

I just want to say that I do. I wasn't asking.

We're not. That's not what's going on. He didn't.

He didn't ask that. That's not the thing.

I wasn't. All right, you know what?

Let's just... let's go over the blueprint, okay?

Yeah, the blueprint. I want everybody to map out their positions. Specifically...

All right, here's your chance to catch up.

Look at the blueprint. Listen to the vain one.

He knows the deal. What's his name again?

Is it Damon? No. Delroy.

No. DeMarcus. Why can't I think of his name today?

Shuke. I-I think he just explained the plan.

So I think we're good.

Yeah. Frank, you ready to run us all through it again?

Shit. Deflect! Deflect!

Shut up, bird!

Don't ask him to run us back through it.

He knows the plan. All right, good.

So we're good. Let's-let's do it.

Yeah. Frank... Let's do it.

Nice save, Frankie.

Like, your timing is...

: You're so funny every time.

Frank, what? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where you going, man?

You got to stay back here on the walkie in case of an emergency.

Right, yeah, emergency.

Right, okay, and you have your walkie, right?

No.

Yes. Great. All right.

All right, let's do it.

We'll be in touch.

Ah, shit!

Got to get home. Got to get that walkie.

Starving.

Oh, what's that?

Pondy. Ha-ha!

"Let's party."

Ha! Sorry, Pondy. Can't.

Old tits. He's saying I'm old.

Goddamn it, Pondy's the coolest.

L... O... M?

Yeah, "M." Stupid phone!

L... O... L.

(horn honking, tires squealing, loud thudding)

Ah, shit! Probably Asians.

Oh, walkie, walkie, walkie, walkie. Where?

Where the hell did I put that thing?

Where the hell is it? Ah, shit.

I'll get... There it is. Okay, got it. I'm here.

Keep the line clear, you idiot. Over.

Roger that.

Stop talking! Over.

Well, well, well.

Goddamn it!

I hate this slimy bastard.

Where's the rent, Frank?

In my pocket where it's gonna stay until you fix the plumbing.

You're playing games with me, Frank.

I don't like games.

You know what I like?

This sandwich.

It's snake meat.

Snake meat?

Huh. Is that what you people eat?

Yeah, snake meat.

I hope you choke on that and die, you piece of shit.

You slime ball bastard!

Oh. Oh, shit!

He is choking.

You son of a bitch!

Frank?

You're dying, you bastard.

Look at me. You're dying.

Give me that goddamn thing!

Snake meat, huh? Hmm.

Mmm, mmm. Mmm!

Oh, went down the wrong pipe.

Now I'm choking.

(groans, guttural gurgles)

Light's going out.

I don't want to die looking at you, you savage!

Shit! Ooh, shit.

I'm checking out.

Somebody throw me in the trash.

Where am I?

Where am I?! Oh!

Am I dead? Huh?

Am I in hell?!

No.

I died and went to heaven.

Oh, come to Papa. Let me have 'em.

Rest up now. You're in the hospital.

Everything's okay.

Mr. Reynolds, you're a very lucky man.

If it weren't for that choking fit,

we would have never been able to run tests, and...

We found something. You have a very serious disease,

but fortunately, we caught it just in time.

There's a malignant tumor on your front lobe...

Oh, look at those Winnebagos.

Shabooya roll call!

I would like to take a ride down the Grand Canyon

in those honeys.

Which sadly means, we might have to remove it.

Huh? DENNIS (over walkie-talkie): Frank!

Frank, come in. Over. Oh, shit, I got to go.

Sir, sir. You shouldn't be running anywhere.

Your condition may be terminal. Out of my way!

Wait, please, sir, whatever you do, don't...

Frank, Frank, come in. Over.

I'm on my way.

Aw, shit. I need a ride.

I'll bet Pondy will pick me up.

Party mobile's here!

Thanks for the ride, Pondy!

Hop in, Frank.

Aw, goddamn it, Pondy's the coolest.

It's official, Frank. I divorced that cheatin' bitch.

Yeah. I mean, I cheated on her, too.

But who's keeping score, right?

Anyhoo, I got a nest egg to blow so that whore can't touch it.

Let's rage!

Hey. Here. Take an aspirin.

That ain't aspirin.

It ain't aspirin.

Does Frankenstein want to come out and play?

I'm sorry, Pondy. No drugs for me today.

I need to keep my wits about me. Lame!

More for me. CHARLIE (over walkie): Frank!

We're outside the bakery on 6th Street. Where the hell are you?

Pondy, I need the car. Solo.

Roger dodger.

I'll just drop myself off at the roller rink, you know?

Get some strange. Hop in, baby.

Pondy is the coolest.

Oh. Dumb bird got a boot on her car.

You're right, I'm wrong, okay?!

Get in the car. God. Where the hell have you been?

Don't blame him. He's not the one

who got a goddamn boot on his car.

Whose car is this, anyway? Ponderosa's.

Pondero... Aw, we're all over the place, man! What?

What are we doing in this car? No, no, no, no, no. We're good, we're good, okay?

Except why aren't we moving yet, Frank?

Okay. All right. We're good. Let's huddle up, you guys.

Let's review the plan. Okay, listen.

Pay attention. Okay, so, Frank,

you're on guard dog duty.

Dee, Charlie, and I are gonna distract the guard.

Mac is tossing the rug over the barbed wire and sneaking in.

Yeah? I'm still lost.

Uh, one problem. We're gonna need

a new rug because I threw it clean over. What?

Oh. God... Oh, Jesus, dude!

How'd this happen? All you had to do was drape it on the barbed wire

and-and climb over the fence. I'm too strong.

I'm sorry, Dennis. "Too strong." Okay, well, you know what,

don't apologize to me. Apologize to everybody else

that you let down. All right, we don't have time for apologies.

What's plan "B" here? Does anyone know?

There is no goddamn plan "B." I don't know.

All right, Mac, you got to find some other way over that fence.