8 Simple Rules

I am so glad I don't dress to be popular anymore. I am so over that stupid

high school stuff. And by the way, that shirt, very five minutes ago.

Well, if anyone knows what's very five minutes ago, it's you.

Please, the only reason you're popular is because I went out with Kyle,

which made him popular. And then I dumped him and you got him on the rebound

which made you popular. Then I had a deep relationship with Donny Doyle...

probably the most meaningful two weeks of my entire life totally

taking me out of the loop, creating a popularity vacuum and 'voila!!.

What's that supposed to mean? -I'm not sure. It's French. But magicians do it, too.

Bridget, I am not popular just because you let me be!

Oh, God, I've seen this delusion building for weeks.

I'm sorry. I was just walking down the hall and thought I heard a chick fight.

-Leave! -Get lost! -Okay.

I guess now isn't a good time to tell you who's on 'high school scandal

dot com's' new hot list. -Ranking girls by how hot they are is insulting,

demeaning and mean spirited. -Yeah, yeah, yeah… am I back on the list?

No. Kerry, on the other hand, is number seven.

Already? Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!

That makes you happy? -No. That makes me hot!

Who the hell's number six? -Hurry up, kids. You'll be late for school!

I made waffles.

I thought you made waffles. -Well, if I told you it was cereal,

you'd still be upstairs goofing off.

Your Dad will be home with the milk in a minute.

I'll get it. Come on, girls! Let's go!.

Hello? Yeah, this is Mrs. Hennessy.

God, you are so jealous. -Oh,please… I debuted at number two on 'The Hot List'.

Yeah, but she didn't have to do the things you did to get on it. -Rory!

Mom!

Mom?

-My… my keys! Where are my keys!? -Mom?

-Oh my God! -Mom? -Mom!

No, I…

Well, if the Monsignor wants to speak,

that's fine, but, listen...

no, just, could you please just

do what it is that's done, okay?

Please?

Thank you.

-Rory! -There's no milk.

Where's your sister? -She won't come down.

Okay, I should go talk to her. I'm gonna…

Rory, will you please not keep your shoes on the stairs.

Those are Dad's.

Okay.

That's gonna be your grandma. -I'll get it.

Honey, go put a pot of coffee on, okay?

-Go on. -Honey! Honey!

-Mom! -Sweetie. My sweetie.

I know... I know.

My baby girl. Baby.

-Honey. -Dad.

Catie... Catie, I'm so sorry, sweetheart.

He was such a good man, a good husband, a good father.

He was. He was.

So, Daddy, did you, did you guys, come on the same flight together?

-Yep. -Well, I would have thought...

Honey, we're your parents first. -And bitterly divorced couple, second. -Dad.

We are not divorced. We're separated.

All I know is I'm washing my own clothes and making my own bed once a week.

You know your sister would have come if she could.

I know. She called from Nepal.

Nepal. Your sister.

Honey, Kerry, go get Bridget.

She should be around her family right now.

So, I, can I get you something Dad?

I just made a pot of coffee. You want… -I'd love some. Yeah. -Okay.

Cate, Cate, let me get it. Come on, now. Come on.

You sit down. Can I get you something?

Yeah. Yesterday would be nice.

-Bridg'? -What?

Gramm and Gramps are here. -Is Dad with them?

-No. -Then I really don't give a damn.

He was supposed to be back in ten minutes.

He was running a stupid errand. He was supposed to be back.

And he was taking us to school.

Remember when we were little..

..Mom and Dad used to go out and we wouldn't want them to,

and they'd say, 'What do you know about Mommies and Daddies?

And we would say, They always come back.

-Unless they collapse in aisle three of the stupid grocery store.

Yeah.

I just… I just can't believe this.

Have you spoken with anyone from the church?

Yeah, Mom. Father Fitzpatrick stopped by.

You know, I've always taken great comfort from the church.

Yes, I know. But right now, God and I aren't exactly on speaking terms.

Well, he'll be there for you when you're ready.

Do you have any of those blue and pink packets they use now instead of sugar?

Sure… yes. You know, I do, Dad. Go. Rory, go get him…

Can't you just use the regular sugar? -No.

Blood sugar's a little high so I'm just cutting down on the sweets.

You had a chocolate chip cookie on the plane. -I'm not a fanatic about it.

I'm just cutting down. -You see?

That's why I tell you to carry the packets when you're out.

-Ma!, Could we just not talk about artificial sweeteners right now?

-I'm sorry, dear. -No, I'll just drink it plain. Rory... Rory, forget it.

No, no, no, no, Dad. Rory, go ahead and get them!. It's gonna be…

No, no… I'll drink it plain. It's okay. -For the love of God! ... I will get it!.

So, I remember he was looking for his keys, and I was looking for my backpack.

Then I remembered I left it upstairs, which is really weird because I never do that.

But, you were downstairs. Did he say anything?

What do you mean? -Well, before he left.

I mean, you were talking to him. What were you talking about?

I don't know. -How could you not remember?

Kerry! Stop! Would you just stop it!

I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure it all out.

I'm sorry. God! This is so messed up!

He was a great man. -Yes, he was.

I really loved him. -He loved you too, Fred.

Fred, there's my mom. I really have to go and check on my mom.

-Hey. -Hey. -Hey. -That was a beautiful service.

Nice casket. Mahogany, right? 'Cause I love mahogany.

Reminds me of a Pub I used to go to… huge mahogany bar.

Come to think of it, they used to carry me out of there, too.

Look it, I loved your dad. He was a better man than me.

I know what you're thinking, 'Who isn't?

And you're right. He was the finest person I'd ever met.

Why the hell couldn't I open with that?

No. Not again. -Cate! -What?

Oh God. -He was a... -A great man?

-He was. -Yes.

You know, Catie, I've got this, fantasy dinner for

the people I'm gonna dine with my first night in heaven.

-Really? -Yeah. You see, my parents are one and two..

..then there's, Jesus. But he's as much a political choice as any if you get my drift.

Then there's Joe DiMaggio and Mother Theresa, but, you know,

since Paul's passing, Mother Theresa's getting the boot.

-Fred, thank you. -Yeah.