The Curse

Standard!

Standard!

Come and get your Standard! Standard, sir?

Standard! Biggest gold heist of the century!

Oh, thank you very much, sir.

Standard! Come and get your Standard!

Biggest gold heist of the century!

"The Metropolitan Police are this morning investigating

"what is believed to be one of the biggest armed robberies of all time."

"They are searching for a blue van which was seen in the area at the time

"and is believed to be connected..."

"Police say there's no real evidence to go on.

"The robbery was not captured on camera

"and is believed to have been meticulously planned by a professional gang."

"..believed to be one of the biggest armed robberies..."

"..among items stolen from the east London storage facility..."

REPORTER SPEAKS SPANISH

..a professional job, and we suspect ex-military.

..reported to be 7,000 gold bars.

"The robbery has been described..." 'It was surreal.

'Like watching ourselves in a movie.

'The whole world talking about us,

'painting pictures of dangerous criminals specializing in armed robbery.'

"We will very much be ensuring that these criminals are brought to justice."

"We will bring the full force of the law down on upon them for the crimes they have carried out."

All right, boys.

First things first, couple of loose ends to tie up. Yeah.

Phil, you're in charge of the getaway vehicle. What, lick of paint, change the reg?

Destroy it. Destroy it, obviously, as well. I was about to say that, Clive.

Mick, are you... Do you wanna do that with me? Yeah, consider me there, mate.

Alberto, me old mucker! HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

JOE LAUGHS Your job... Yeah?

..is to make sure your brother-in-law keeps his mouth shut.

The filth are gonna be right up his arse. You need to make sure it's clean.

Yeah. Def...

I-In sort of, in what way clean?

It means make sure Sidney doesn't rat.

Right. Sorry. Got ya. It was all the arse stuff, it threw me off!

JOE LAUGHS Yeah. Got ya.

You boys have done very well.

Very well indeed! Thank you! Thank you.

But there's a lot of work left to do.

It's just the beginning. Yeah, it's just the beginning.

Really? Cos I felt like it was more like the end,

just because we've already got everything we needed, I thought.

I can see how you're feeling, Alberto.

If you wanna take the money and run, there's no shame in that.

No shame in that whatsoever.

Leave us to deal with the gold. There's a good few grand in there.

You can take it, leave the dirty work to us.

Easier for ya. Yeah, I mean... Could I? Cos that'd be...

Absolutely. Yeah? Yeah.

We can do an even split.

You take the money, we take the gold.

If I'm honest, that's a huge relief because I'm not really built for all this,

so thank you very much. Absolutely. We can do an even split. A-A-A-Aye!

I'm gonna have to tell you to hold your horse here, pal.

We need to talk about this decision amongst us, as friends.

How much is that gold worth?

That's a piece of gold. That's a ring.

How much is the ring worth? 200 quid?

So you go one... BOTH: Two, three, four, five...

That's a grand. Joey... All right! HE LAUGHS HEARTILY

D'you know what? We can make a decision on who takes the gold...

..after the evidence is destroyed. Sleep on it.

Tomorrow night we meet back here. Back here tomorrow night.

What sort of time you thinking? Seven.

Of course. In the meantime,

keep your heads down. Yep. No talking to each other.

In the case of Mick and Phil, are we allowed to talk while we're in the van together?

Is that permitted? Obviously because it'll be quite complicated if we can't have a chat.

He was joking.

I'm not joking. What have I told you about asking stupid questions?

Looks like they came in and exited through the main door.

The CCTV was turned off,

it may be just bad luck, but it got me thinking about the possibility of an inside job.

There's a few things that don't really add up here, Guv.

Well, that's only ifs and maybes, innit, Thread?

This is what's happening. Me and the boys are gonna go round and do a synchronized smash down

on everyone in the area who's got armed robbery on their records.

Well, just before we do that, I think it might be worth doing a recreation with the guards.

Go through everything that happened,

where everyone was.

A reconstruction. What do you mean?

Like a school play?

It can be quite useful to see everyone's movements.

For example, how the robbers were able to get in through the main door without having to force it.

OK, fine.

But if that doesn't work, I want every armed robber on my desk first thing Monday morning.

Are we clear? Yeah.

Fuck!

"Our main story is still the biggest gold heist in history last night,

"where a number of gold bars, thought to be worth £30 million

"were stolen from a storage compound in east London." 30 million?

Did you hear that? 30 million.

That's a lot more than what Clive said it was worth.

He must not have realised. That, or he's pulling down our pants.

He's not gonna pull down the pants of someone that he respects, his right-hand man,

someone that's part of the Firm.

What, Joey? No, me! Everyone knows I'm part of the Firm, Mick!

Let me be clear here, mate. I don't need no help pulling my pants down.

I can pull my pants down on my own.

You tell Clive, he's coming for my pants, have a big breakfast, son!

And bring an army with ya, cos you'll need 'em!

Mick, breathe for a bit.

Where the fuck are we? It's a little place Big Mick likes to call...

..the middle of nowhere.

This thing is gonna go up like a dragon's arse hole.

So, what, is this gonna blow up or just burn out?

Phil, Phil, please, mate. What?

Just show a little patience, please.

Ah, I love 'em.

I get some of my best thinking done looking into the flames of a fire.

How long is this gonna take? Hours, mate. I ain't got a time.

Hours? Hours, mate! It takes as long as it takes.

That was really loud.

Don't worry, mate. There's no prying ears here. We're in the middle of nowhere.

We might as well be on the moon.

Right, where have you stashed the car?

Pardon me? Why is that my responsibility? You're in charge of transport, boy.

You didn't think about stashing a car to get home? It's not my job to think!

I really worry about what's going on in your head.

That's not fair! You're grouchy, you're being out of order.

I'm not listening to you when you're like this! We're in the fucking moors!

I know we're in the... And also, our A to Z's in there, so now we don't know where we're going.

Great! That's from the library, so that's a fine!

Well, do you wanna get it? No, it's on fire now, you plum!

If we just take the cash, we can be out of here. We don't need the gold.

Well, you've stolen it now, darling. You've done the hard part.

But I didn't know what I was stealing, did I?

It could be from the Royal Treasury for all we know. That's like killing a swan.

People get hung for that sort of thing. No-one gets hung for killing a swan.

I wish I'd never got involved in this. We were happy enough before all this.

Were we? Well...

30 million pound that gold's worth.

30! Sidney, shut up! "Biggest Gold Heist of the Century!" Great!

There's a cafe full of people! They think we're ex-military because it was so well organized.

Maybe I should be in the military. Or MI5.

I could get one of those James Bond exploding pens that blows yer hand off.

Sidney, stop running your mouth. Just shut up, Sidney.

You two need to calm down. Look, they haven't got anything on us.

BELL RINGS "Highly organized."

"Highly organized" they call us. Well, me technically, because it was my job, wasn't it?

Fuck, it's Saunders! It's Saunders!

Saunders! Don't! Put it in the bin!

What are you doing?

Albert!

Albert, get up! Why do I have to be out?

You have to be up here running a cafe like normal! Great(!)

Why does he get to hide? Tash, I'm gonna stay down here.

Ssh! Don't tell him I'm here.

Morning, Natasha, love. You all right? Yeah!

Good. Yeah.

I'm noticing you had a bit of salmon on the menu today.

Me and Albert just, erm, love it. Oh, I love a bit of salmon.

Where's Albert? Here I am.

Running my cafe, as usual! How you doing, Albert?

Yeah, good. Classic day at the cafe, really! Good, good, good.

What can we get ya, Inspector? Just the usual, please, Tash. Soft egg, Alb.

Yep. Got ya. Yeah. I'll just go and do that now, then!

So, how's it going? Not bad, Tash.

Got me work cut out, as you can see, today.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I heard about that one.

Any leads? Fuck all at the moment, girl.

But mark my words, Tash,

we'll get 'em.

Good.

You had any suspicious-looking characters in here over the past few weeks?

Actually, yeah.

Erm... A couple of days ago, actually.

There was some really suspicious-looking people.

Suspicious how, Tash?

Oh, erm...

..talking quietly.

Some of them were wearing sunglasses.

Sunglasses? Yeah.

Anything else, Tash? Accents. Some of 'em had accents.

Funny accents? Yeah. There you go. Softest egg in the East End for ya!

Even tucked in an extra sausage for you there.

Oh, did you want a sauce? Brown sauce. Brown sauce!

Absolutely incredible choice.

You always have brown sauce. I actually always have brown sauce, as well. I love the stuff.

Er, yeah, I have it with, like,

even just, obviously fry-ups and that,

but even fish and chips some...

Well, not with the fish. That wouldn't really work, would it? Not for me. Nah, same here.

There we go.

Brown sauce? Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry!

What's wrong with me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ah, God! HE LAUGHS

Here we go. I-Is that enough for ya? That's lovely. Yeah. Here we go.

What do I owe you, son? Oh, no, don't...

Yeah, no. Don't offend me! It's on the house!

Yeah, your money's no good here.

Be lucky. Cheers, Chief! All right.

You can do it, mate.

Out the way! Fucking ridiculous! It's a dance, mate!

You gotta smile, you gotta own it! Own it!

Are you going to London, mate?

So degrading! We should just steal a car, get home.