Bud Abbott and Lou Costello in Hollywood

Oh, yes, Mr. Gable.

Shave and a manicure? Just one moment, please.

Jack and Harriet could take you this afternoon at 5.

Yes, Mr. Gable.

Mr. Gable. Bye.

Hollywood Shop, barbers to the stars.

Oh, Mr. Kavanaugh. Shave and a manicure?

Here or at the studio?

All right, we'll send Bert and Evelyn.

Oh, Mr. Kavanaugh, I saw the last picture you directed and...

Well, goodbye.

"We'll send Bert and Evelyn." What's the matter with Louise?

Ruthie, you know I've been wanting to do Mr. Kavanaugh for a long time.

Look, dream girl, just because he signed Claire Warren to a contract...

...doesn't mean he'll sign every cuticle carver in Hollywood.

He likes the way Evelyn does them, so Evelyn goes. Period.

Don't you start putting it on for me. Your roommate signed the contract, not you.

- Listen, I wouldn't try to be so... - Girls! Girls! Break it up.

Now, my shop is for haircutting, not for hair pulling.

I'm going to lunch. By the way, where are those two fatheads?

- Studying. Barber college. - Where?

In the supply room. I'll get them.

Now, just take it slow and easy, and don't get excited.

Now, the most important thing is to get the lather off the customer's face...

...without cutting him.

- I know. - Go ahead. That's very simple to do.

- Now, try it out. - Oh, I hope I do it good this time.

There's no reason why you shouldn't.

Take your time. Are you nervous? That's...

I don't know.

I'm making such a unsuccessful attempt at this all the time. I don't understand.

- I mean... Where did he go? - Well, what do you...? Just a minute.

Don't get excited. What do you expect?

You're buying my course on how to become a barber, right?

- But I could have done better. - You've only been here three years.

When I wanted to go to barber school, you didn't have to stop me from going.

The only thing I wanted from you was to go to barber school.

What can they teach you in school that I can't teach you here?

- At least I'd have got my fraternity pin. - Watch me closely this time.

Now, here. Here's what I want you to do. Now, just watch. There it is.

- Now... - He's squawking.

- Now, wait a minute. Stop that. - Stop squawking.

Please, you're doing enough damage.

Of course, you're going into a new semester, you know.

- A new what? - A new semester. That'll be $5 in advance.

Five dollars? Buzz, look. That's all I got, is $5.

- That'll be fi... - No!

- Now, please. - I got a date tonight with Ruthie.

No wonder your nerves are shot. Look at your hands, just look at your hands.

- Look at how nervous you are. - Cut it out.

- You're shaking my hand. - Am I doing that?

- Am I touching you? No, certainly not. - I'm nervous.

It's your nerves. Give me the $5. There.

- Watch me closely this time. - Hurry up, I wanna graduate.

Now, first of all, we lather it up. Notice it?

- Yeah. - Now we take the razor.

- That's the razor. You know that. - Yeah.

Yes. Now we take the razor.

Quiet, quiet, quiet. Now, just watch me closely.

- Are you watching? - Yeah, I was watching very close.

That's what I want you to do.

Look how simple it is, look. See that? There you are.

- Any way you want, just tear it off. - All right.

- Yeah, that's good. That's good. - Simple enough.

- That's very good. - That's up to you now.

Put some lather on there. I'll show you fancy stuff.

There's your razor. Go ahead.

- There you are. Go right ahead. - All right, it's my turn, right?

- All right. - Now it's yours.

- What are you doing? - Get my diploma ready. I'm gonna graduate.

- Just a minute, please. Are you...? - Nothing happened, huh?

I'll put more on and show you some more stuff.

- Are you handling that razor right? - Yeah, sure. I'm handling it good.

Boy, I had a lot of trouble with your brothers...

...but not with you.

- Ruthie, I gotta break the date. - What date?

- Don't you remember? June 22nd? - June 22nd.

I don't remember anything about a date.

Oh, yes. Don't you remember? I said I was gonna take you to the Palladium...

...and you said, "See me next year." Well, tonight, the year is up.

Abercrombie, you're so impulsive. But why do you have to break the date?

Well, because the $5 I was gonna use to take you and I out tonight...

...I gave to Buzz for my tuition.

Are you still falling for Buzz's racket?

Oh, no. He guaranteed to make me one of the biggest barbers in town.

- He gave me a lovely report card last week. - Report card?

Oh, he just wants your money.

No. He said that he would make me the biggest barber in town. You know what?

I'm gonna have chair number one... This chair right over here.

- And I'm gonna shave the toughest beards in town.

And then you're gonna be very proud of me.

Abercrombie, you're just being taken.

Look, the boss is out. You make Buzz let you shave the next customer.

Okay.

I wanna shave the next customer. I wanna show Ruthie how good I am.

Don't be a sucker. I'm saving you for the big time.

Let me shave the next customer, or I quit school right now.

All right. I don't wanna see all that good study go to waste.

Wait. Give me this. Take this. I shave the next customer.

- I'll show Ruthie how good... - All right. Take it easy.

My first customer.

- Daniel Boone, how's all your little baboons? - They're fi...

Hello, Mr. Ragland. This is Rags Ragland. I hardly recognized you.

Finished one of those backwoods pictures. I'll be glad to get this sagebrush off.

- Oh, I think it looks kind of cute. - I think you look kind of cute too.

I think you're cute too. My first customer.

I'm tired. I've been out in the woods working for four weeks.

- Relax. Take it easy. - Get a shave and some hot towels.

That's a nice head of hair you have there.

Lovely head of hair. It's a little long in spots though.

Look at that. See, I cut some off.

What's the matter? Hey, you must have been working too hard.

Your hair's gray on both sides. I ought to...

- That's a hat! - A hat.

Give me a shave and some hot towels.

- I wanna relax. Very tired. - Tired?

- Lay down and relax. - Yes.

Lay... No, relax. Will you...? Will you...?

- What's wrong with you? - I don't think I could get it out of high.

- Well, put it in first and let it stay there! - Well, I ain't got no license.

- How long you been driving? - Nine years.

- Look. - What's the matter?

Will you give me a shave and some hot towels? Get to it, will you!

Stay right there.

- What's the matter? - This belongs in the front.

- Oh, you're gonna eat? - No, I want...

- I don't wanna get the stuff all over me! - Okay.

Take it easy. Where are you?

Stay... Stay up... Where...? Will you...?

Come here. Get up. Get up.

Get up, come on. Now, take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy, now. Take it easy. You're working too hard.

Don't take off too much on the top, please.

- Will you get out of that chair! - All right.

- Now, give me a shave! - Well, get in.

I got you. Just take it easy. Take it easy.

Attaboy.

Looks like a tough beard.

Look.

Hey. What are you...? What are you doing?

- I'm shaving the man. - There's his head up there.

- Up where? - Up there.

What's the matter? Get out of the way.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Lay down, lay down, lay down. Don't wake up. Lay down.

- Hold that. - What are you doing?

- I don't wanna waste the stuff. - Very good.

Come on, take it easy. Please.

- Come on, come on, come on. - Take it easy.

Almost lost my first customer.

- Come on, I gotta rub it in. - Look!

Shave them off, don't rub them off!

- Get the man a hot towel, please. - Hot toddy?

A hot towel!

- Right. - Everything will be all right.

Go ahead!

- Well, what are you doing? - I wanna get one that's well-done.

All right, all right.

You silly-looking goon!

What's the idea of dropping that hot towel on my face?

It was burning my hands.

All right, all right, all right. Quiet. I'm sorry.

- Now, I got the razor and the smelling salts. - The what?

- The smelling salts. - What's that for?

I faint when I see the sight of blood.

Blood? Look, if you cut me...

...there's gonna be plenty of blood and it's all gonna be yours.

- Now, take it easy. - Yes, sir.

Don't get yourself nervous. Just take it easy.

Now, I think I got a little more lather on your face, my friend.

A little... A little more... More lather.

You're gonna like this shave.

Now...

Have some.

- Will you get this over with? - Yes, sir.

- Look, hurry up, will you, please? - Yes, sir.

What are you trying to do?

- You got a big nose. - Well, leave it there.

- How do you think I'm gonna smell? - The same as you always do.

- Oh, get it over with. - Yes, sir.

I'm gonna shave you real fast.

There you are. How's that?

- We're finished? - Yes, sir.

- All through? - Yes, sir.

Okay. Give me a mirror.

- A mirror. - A mirror. What size?

Well, six...

A mirror. I want to see myself. Give me a mirror!

Hurry up. Hurry up.

I think it's a very fine job.

- I look about 10 years younger. - I think so.

- It's very good. Thank you. - You're welcome.

He's a fine barber. Very good.

- There's Claire. Oh, hello, Claire. - Hello, boys. How are you?

What are you doing down here at the old joint? Slumming?

You're not coming back? You're still in pictures?

I'm taking Ruthie to lunch and rehearsal. Want to come?

We can't. We're on an emergency call. A very important shoeshine.

- Hello there. - Oh, hello.

- Wolf. - Hi, Mr. Wolf.