The Neighborhood

Earthquake!

Earthquake, earthquake!

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Are you okay, baby?

Uh, I think so.

Okay. Oh.Where's Dad?

Earthquake! Earthquake!

It's an earthquake!

Stay calm. Stay calm. Everything's okay.

I gathered all our essentials.

I got a air mattress. Cell phones.

I got my dream journal.

You remembered your dream journal,

but you forgot your pants?

Oh, hey.

Good morning, everybody.

Are you, are you guys okay?

Other than this coffee being a little bitter, we're fine.

Where's Malcolm and Marty?

They're fine.

They don't get out of bed for anything under a 5.8.

I can't believe you guys are so calm about this.

My heart is beating out of my chest.

Girl, we grew up here.

We ain't new to this. We true to this.

I mean, the only reason I got out of bed is

to see which neighbor slept naked.

And I was right, it was Dave. Yeah.

All right, so, what do we do now?

We pitch a tent so we don't have to sleep inside tonight?

Dave, I don't think a guy that's wearing a welcome mat

for pants should be talking about pitching tents.

Well, thanks so much for coming on such short notice, Jackie.

I mean, these cracks look pretty nasty.

For the owner of Tina-licious Cakes? No problem.

I accept cash, credit and red velvet cupcakes.

Well, there's not much to do.

I mean, this house is rock-solid, you know?

Well, technically, that's not a part of the house.

Well, I'm just hoping for a big enough aftershock

So I can finally get my open concept kitchen.

Ha. I wouldn't bet on it.

I mean, we rode out the big one in '94

with no problem.

This house is like me.

They just don't build 'em like this anymore.

You know?

Calvin, the Lord has spoken,

and He said it's time to remodel.

Even the Bible got a New Testament.

Oh.

So, which color would you like for our new walls?

I like this one.

Well, that's the color it is now.

Exactly.

Come on, baby, let's take this as an opportunity

to just update some things.

Okay, you know what? We'll get an 85-inch TV.

It'll hide all the cracks.

Nice try. No.

Oh, hey, you two.

Are my babies okay?

Yeah, we're all right.

Our house did get a little bit of damage,

but we're not worried.

We're renters.

Uh, speaking of,

there is a-a hole in the wall

that looks like somebody flew a drone into it,

but it was definitely from the earthquake.

Well, this is a pretty big job.

Uh, you might want to check into a hotel.

We'll stay at our hotel.

What do you mean, "your hotel?"

The one next door.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

I mean, the staff treats you like family,

because they are family.

And the place feels like yours, because it is yours.

Hey, buddy. What do you got there?

My clothes.

Figured we'd ship everything else back to Michigan.

I'd like to leave this afternoon.

Wha...

I thought you loved California.

Well, that was before I knew it was a death trap.

All right, buddy, come on. Sit down, look.

We're all gonna be fine.

Okay?

: He's not wrong.

There is no need to worry, honey.

We just have to be prepared,

which is why I bought us this.

Everything we need to prepare for another quake:

Protein bars, water pouches, a flashlight,

even this adorable fire extinguisher

that looks like our regular fire extinguisher's baby.

Fine. I'll go unpack.

And pray for baby fires.

Wow, Grover's really freaked out.

Well, yeah, it makes sense.

I mean, I could see how last night would be

totally terrifying for a child.

Aftershock!

Uh-oh.

That was the garbage truck, Dave.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Ah, man.

Nah, you know what? Best out of 17.

Oh, no way, man.

No way. You lost.

Mom and Dad are taking your room.

What? No, hell nah, man.

Let's wrestle for it. What? Aah!

I'm-a drop you.

I don't know what you're doing,

but you're too old to be doing it.

Put him down.

: Oh, uh... Hey.

We-we were just wrestling over who gets to give you their room.

And luckily, Malcolm won.

Ah, what? No, man.

I mean, uh... Yeah.

All I do is win.Ow.

Uh, Mom, Dad,

make yourselves at home.

Mi casa es quite literally su casa

because we rent from you.

Well, it's freezing in here.

Marty, what the hell happened to my thermostat?

That's a new system I put in.

You can control the temperature from your phone.

Fancy, right?

Oh, very fancy.

Now tell your phone I'm cold.

And tell your brother I'm raising the rent.

Oh, uh, Ma, you did not have to go shopping.

We do have food.

You have dino nuggets and soy sauce packets.

And this bottle of ranch is old enough to have voted for Obama.

I'm not gonna spend the next three weeks eating condiments.

I'm about to smoke this chicken.

Uh, Ma, it is 9:30 in the morning.

Well, I'm also gonna make hash browns.

Oh, okay. So, I guess

that charge from Home Depot wasn't fraudulent.

You can't put a price on preparedness.

: Oh, apparently you can,

and it's $1,300.

Well, you know, your little earthquake kit

needed some help, so I got everything we would need

in case of a flood, mudslide,

and a biological weapons attack.

What is that for?

It's for beekeeping, Grover.

: Methane leaks. All right.

Don't worry, honey. Your dad just went a little overboard.

I don't think he went overboard enough.

An earthquake

once made the Mississippi River flow backwards.

Dave, you've got to tone it down.

I know you're freaked out, but... I am not freaked out.

Okay.

What is wrong with being prepared?

Nothing. But you're still returning

the gas mask and the generator.

Fine.

Can't return it

if I can't find the receipt.

Tina!

Yeah, baby?

I can see the construction dumpster

from the window.

Looks like half the house is in there.

We never should have hired that contractor.

Is it because she's a woman?

I don't see gender, Tina.

All I see is somebody ripping up my house.

Hey. Hey, Pop, Pop, hold up.

Is that my iPad?

Oh, yeah. And by the way,

some girl named "Jennifer Cheesecake Factory"

sent you some pictures her mama would not be happy with.

Don't bring her home.

What the hell is going on in here?

They're just doing repairs.

This is what we talked about.

No, we talked about paint.

Last time I checked, you don't need

a sledgehammer to paint.

Oh, hey, it's the Butlers.

Oh, good, you're here.

Just in time for me to fire you.

Fire her? I thought we agreed

to fix whatever needed to be fixed to make it safe.

That wall is wobbly and exposed.

Well, so is Miss Kim.

You don't see nobody trying to throw her in the dumpster.

You know what? I'll finish the repairs myself.

I just need some sandpaper,