Home for Christmas

- The thing is, I've loved you from the moment

I set eyes on you.

Sorry, no, no, that was cheesy.

What I wanna say, what I've wanted to say for months is,

I think I've fallen in love with you.

Well, what do you think, was it really that bad,

if you were Aiden, would you run for the hills?

If you could run, obviously.

You like playing hard to get don't you?

Yeah yeah you can grin.

Bet you've had millions of people tell you they love you.

Whereas I've had...

So I need to tell you about Aiden,

he's scarily posh, but also charming,

grown-up, well-traveled and impossibly intelligent.

Over the last month, the urge to tell him how I feel

has become unbearable.

I can't put it off any longer, I just need to find

the right way to say it.

I love you.

I love you!

I love you, I love you?

I love you, I love you!

I love you...

I love you. - Thanks.

You're not so bad yourself.

Crap.

My first thought was to slide behind the counter and hide.

My second thought was why the hell did you do that.

Hello, you okay?

You okay down there?

Uhm, yeah, yeah I'm fine, I just...

Dropped my paperclip.

Paperclip, okay.

Vital bits of office equipment, paperclips, yeah.

Wouldn't wanna lose one.

Uhm, how can I help?

Is Mrs. Blackstock in?

Edna, you wanna speak to her?

Matt Jones.

Beth, are you after a job?

Kind of. Is she in?

- I'm afraid not, but I might be able to help you.

Have you worked in a cinema before.

Yes I have, a few actually.

Oh, any I might have heard of?

CineFlex.

Oh, which one?

- Oh a couple, do you want me to list them for you?

Oh yeah if you like.

I'm sorry, I'm not being fair.

I'm the Southeaster Manager for CineFlex,

and we're expanding our business to Brighton.

Oh.

- I guess Mrs. Blackstock hasn't come around

to talking to you yet?

No.

Ah, sorry.

Well anyway uhm, I should go.

It's nice to meet you, Beth.

By the way, I preferred your final I love you,

it sounded the most sincere.

I swear mate, she followed me to the cinema

I was visiting today.

I mean all I did was break up with her.

I didn't cheat on her, didn't float with any of her mates,

didn't treat her badly, even broke up with her face to face!

I split up with her three weeks ago and since then,

she has turned up at my flat, or my office every single day.

She posts notes through the letter box, she's ringing

me all the bloody time.

She even e-mailed me some photos of her

to show me what I was missing.

Naked photos?

- It's not funny. - Call the police then.

- I can't, it's not like she's threatening me or anything.

And anyway, what am I gonna say?

I'd like to make a complaint because a beautiful blond

has threatened to shag me stupid.

Yeah good point.

So what am I gonna do?

Well here's what I'd do.

Take her up on the sexual favours and then dump her again.

- I don't know why I thought it was a good idea

asking for your advice.

- I still remember the first time I met Aiden.

Evening pimp.

You're looking a bit rosy tonight, what's up?

Acne medication stopped working?

- Yeah I could say the same about your shampoo.

Not bad Beth.

Certainly better than your normal insane drivel.

- Good evening Beth speaking how can I help you.

Beth, oh God!

- Sorry hold on I didn't get that can you say that again.

- Beth it's Lizzie, oh God I need your help.

- Liz, I told you, you can't call me at work.

Ah I'm stuck, I'm stuck in a window.

What, how did that even happen?

I'm trying to escape.

He just a fabulous turn into a Mr. Flatulence.

And he won't shut up, I swear, he only pauses to fart.

I made an escape to the loo, I can't breathe.

And well I had a fantastical idea, and, well,

not so fantastic as it turns out,

now I'm stuck in a bloody toilet.

Okay okay hang on, hang on.

Just don't go anywhere.

Very funny.

- I'm sorry. - What?

Can I just?

What?

- Bloody teenagers also, they're taking pictures of me

on their mobile phone, and I refuse to be on

You-bloodin'-Tube with my arse hanging out

the pub (mumbling), come and rescue me or I swear

our friendship is over.

- Okay sorry, my friend is stuck in the toilet, no,

no she's not stuck in the toilet, she's stuck in

the window of the toilet, she was on a date.

Classy date.

- No, no, the date wasn't in the toilet, it was in the pub

but she went to the toilet to try and escape,

and now she wants me to go and rescue her,

but obviously I can't, because I'm stuck at work,

and if do go, my boss is probably gonna fire me,

but if I don't go, then Liz is definitely gonna

chuck me out. - Wow, it's okay.

Go and rescue your friend, I'll take over the booth,

just run through what I have to do and I'll pick it up.

How hard can it be?

Really?

It was ridiculous really, there I was sitting in the cinema

where I'd spent six years of my life waiting for

Hugh Grant to walk through the door,

and here he was, almost exactly 10 months later,

and I was gonna tell him just how much he meant to me.

What could possibly go wrong?

It's fine, he probably thought I said 10 o'clock,

I mean eight o'clock and 10 o'clock do sound a lot similar

when you mumble, which I do, according to Aiden.

Aiden, oh, hi Mum.

Delighted to talk to you to too.

- Sorry I'm expecting Aiden, anyway how are you?

I'm marvellous, thank you.

Look I just called to tell you I've booked a ticket

to Australia for you. - What?

- Australia, the flight's on the 24th of December,

just think how exciting it'll be darling,

winging our way to a new life over Christmas.

- Mom I've told you before, I don't want to move

to Australia, I love Britain, I've got loads of great

friends here, and not to mention Aiden and a good job.

- A good job? - Yeah.

- Printing tickets and putting money in a till--

Mom I've gotta go, I think Aiden's here.

- About the ticket, shall I send it to you or hang onto it?

- Mom I'm not going, hopefully it's not too late

for you to get your money back okay?

- What? - I've gotta go.

I'll speak to you tomorrow, okay bye.

- Beth! - Bye.

Coming.

Oh, Aiden. - Beth.

You made it.

You are dressed as a pumpkin, right?

Yeah.

- So there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

- Oh well that's great, because actually I've really wanted

to talk to you about something too.

Beth, we need to talk.

I need some space.

Sorry, sorry, say that again.

I need some space Beth.

Uh, space, right, great okay.

There you go, you got like a whole extra metre.

It's not working Beth.

- What's not working, it's my outfit isn't it?

I knew that you would expect me to be in something sexy

and not, you know a pumpkin, so, don't worry, don't worry

I can just go and put on my little black dress--

Beth it's not about what you're wearing.

- Have I done something wrong, is it something I've said?

- It's not you, it's got nothing to do with you, it's--

No don't say it, please.

It's me.

- It's, it's fine, you've obviously had a couple of drinks

and it's Halloween and it's probably a full moon,

and you know what everyone's a bit crazy

when it's a full moon, especially werewolves,

because you know they just sit in the middle of

the field and howl, not God, not that I'm saying

you're anything like a werewolf, because,