Zero Motivation (Efes Beyahasei Enosh)

Not here. It's Taken.

Excuse Me, Excuse me...

ZERO MOTIVATION

Soldiers, the bus is broken down. Please leave the bus. Another bus is coming.

Soldiers, please, everyone off the bus.

Everyone off, please.

Take us home!

Episode 1: The Replacement

Kill me now.

Come on, let's go. We're late.

I can't take another step. Go on without me.

I missed two buses because of you. If I'm late Rama's gonna' kill me.

Why doesn't anyone answer my letters?

You want me to carry your backpack? It won't help.

My soul is what's heavy.

I just can't go into that base and start another lame week.

Stop it, Dafta. It'll go by fast.

We'll do some shenanigans. It'll be fun. We'll set a new Mine-Sweeper record.

Excuse me?

This is Shizafon base, right?

Shivzaon. Yeah, this is it.

Oh good, I thought I was in the wrong place. I'm new here.

Poor thing. I feel your sorrow.

Excuse her, she doesn't like Sundays.

Wait. What's your name?

Tehila. What's your position?

Receptionist. Where?

In an office. What office?

What is this, an interrogation? I'm going in.

You don't get it? She's my replacement.

That's Good.

What time is it? I have to serve coffee to the dickheads.

"Just so you know...there are a lot of fags on this base..."

The private says: "Oh, really?" The Sergeant says:

"Yeah. You want me to point them out?"

So the Private answers: "Yeah". The Sergeant says:

"No problem, but first I want a kiss."

So I guess we're not getting coffee this morning?

You'll get it. My soldiers are working on it right now.

Good, because if you want to command a hundred soldiers

you'd better learn how to command 5 of them. Absolutely. Ok.

We're having the multi-branch drill this week so...Ber, go ahead.

Ok, we'll be training in area Oscar-4 Tarantula Sector.

Blanks only. Section 280 is closed for the drill.

What makes you think she's your replacement? What do you mean? It's obvious.

My letters finally reached someone who read them and wants to help.

Wait, where did you come from?

Boot camp.

Where were you sent?

Here.

You see?

This is the Personnel Office. Your new home.

This is your desk and you can put your backpack here.

Oh, there you are, disobedient soldier. Don't even ask what happened.

All of the Officers are waiting.

They're thirsty and dying to eat.

I'm not even going to ask. Thank you.

The bus broke down, I swear

I don't care if aliens were blocking all the roads in Southern Israel.

You need to be here at 9:30 sharp.

It's my fault. She missed two buses in Be'er Sheba waiting for me.

You don't have to come to the base together all the time. You're like glue. We're not in kindergarten. Who's she?

This is Tehila...Okay, it doesn't matter now.

You have two minutes to serve breakfast. Clean this up after.

What? Exactly.

Get rid of that stain right away.

You don't have to salute. Boot camp is over.

That bitch! Why is she yelling at me?

I'm supposed to clean her uniform? What am I, her slave?

Don't worry about it, Ignore her. We'll make her coffee and she'll calm down.

Coffee? That bitch, she can go fuck herself.

Along with all the officers up her ass.

Rama, our Lieutenant, she's a little uptight.

She's retarded.

Come.

"Soon, you'll talk to me again..."

"And my body will feel your warmth"

"And your breathing... "

This is the seating order of the officers so you'll know what coffee to serve to which officer.

Get it? It's really simple.

Hey, Nati. Anat.

What, you don't remember me?

You probably didn't recognize me without the tears, huh?

Dafi, from personnel. Oh, right, without the hoodie.

Look, they sent me a replacement and I'm moving to Kiryat.

Oh really? Yeah. That's great.

Good luck. Thanks.

"Wounds and kisses..."

"All the lies and all the silence"

"Come back like gamblers with their deck of cards..."

"and shiny shoes".

"balancing integrity in a cardboard box, everyday phenomenon."

"I leave, I leave that day,"

"La, la, la, la, la, la, la...Ooowooo...wooowooo"

Shut up!

"She said, 'thank you, I'm hopeless'

"and not afraid to be bad..." Shut up! Shut up!

"So, I stayed there..."

Personnel Department.

Yes. Just a sec. Is this Meirav?

Hi, Tsrifin.

Okay, there are a lot of forms here.

Vacation forms, transfer forms... Ok, bye.

No, no, no, those are personal files. What are you looking for?

Ah, okay. Anyway...

this is all the personnel stuff.

Girls, this is my replacement, Tehila.

Replacement? What replacement?

I'm Moving to the City. No kidding?

How did that happen?

Jealous, huh?

Anyway, Tehila, these are your colleagues.

This is Liyat. She's Rama's secretary, and this is Livanat.

I'm the Human Resources Officer. Not a receptionist.

Wow! You really have no idea what we do here.

Well, it's not like we actually do anything.

You'd be surprised. We work really hard. Maybe if you came to the office sometime you'd see.

Dafi, if you put your backpack on my desk one more time

I'm gonna' shove it up your ass. Stop it! Let's not start that again.

This desk is for both of us

Not for both of us. Just me. Rama said so.

This is Irena. She came here from the ordinance corps. She's also new here.

New, my ass. I've been here two months already. Personnel Department. Hello.

Poor girl. She's overwhelmed. Two years sounds like a lot but time goes by really fast.

Yes, it does.

Hi, girls! Hello! Hello!

What have you been up to?

In this drawer there are staplers, pins, thumbtacks, separators, straight blades, envelope opener,

pencil sharpeners, plastic glue, ink pens, pen fillers, staplers.. Stop, you're giving me a headache.

Staple gun. The most expensive item in the office.

This thing is deadly.

Nothing works like these on the big posters. Not thumbtacks, not scotch tape.

There are only two of them and they're numbered. We hide them here.

Even if G*d forbid, you become a POW and they torture you, you tell no one. Got it?

Boaz? Yeah? You got a minute?

For you, even 60 seconds.

I wanted to update you about my application to become a Captain.

I heard there's only one more opening and I need a recommendation from you.

There's still time before the Commission, right?

Yes, but I'd rather take care of it ahead of time.

How many candidates are there? It's me and three other officers from the division.

Excellent. Competition is a good thing. You'll have plenty of time to impress us.

There's going to be an inspection soon, correct? Yes.

It's a great chance to earn some points.

Absolutely. I'll do the best I can. I'm sure.

Girls! Are you on vacation?

What do you mean by, "moving to the City"?

Exactly what is says. Nothing more.

Don't you talk back to me. I don't have the time or patience for this.

We're not supposed to get new recruits until the end of the month.

No, Rama, it's all good, everything is organized, I...

It's just that I've made some contacts with some officials in the city.

What kind of contacts?

I've been sending letters.

A lot of letters. To who?

To the mental health officer, to the head of personal affairs, to the general staff.

The Chief of Staff's Advisor for Women's Relations, and frankly, to the Chief of Staff himself.

What?

Right, Zohar? We ended up sending him a letter, right?

To the Chief of Staff? Yeah, I think so.

You sent a letter to the Chief of Staff?

What did you write to him?

That you're a spoiled secretary who the Army invented a non-existent position for?

Paper-shredding sergeant, because she doesn't know how to type or transfer a phone call?

That you want to transfer to the City because the desert dries out your hair?

Well, obviously, we wrote it a little differently.

This bypassing of authority is unheard of. I don't think the Chief of Staff dealt with it personally.

He probably forwarded it to a personal affairs officer or something like that.

I can't believe this disgrace.

Everything is so organized with the combat soldiers.

And the non-combatants are thrown around like garbage.

And stop moving binders around here! Close the door!

You'll have wait till I have time. Does it look like I have nothing else to do?

You don't have to do anything. I'll take care of it all.

You've become cocky.

You were a good girl before you fell in love with Zohar.

Why am I always to blame?

Are you trying me? No.

It's 1:07 and I still haven't received the mail.

It's been on your desk for an hour.

00:00

What about the uniform? Did you get rid of the stain? I'm working on it.

Perfect! Continue.

This is what do you do all day?

Personally I don't see the point of shredding 10 pounds of paper every day.

I shred a lot of paper but do it as you see fit.

In general, as the paper shredding Sergeant, the position is really a lot what you make of it.

Sssh! Sorry.

These girls really think highly of themselves. Mabas' receptionists are really stuck up.

What is 'Mabas'?

That's the base commander.

Don't worry, you'll understand everything and meet everyone. Do you know all the soldiers on base?

Everyone on base? No way. Do you have any idea how many soldiers are stationed here?

How many? There are...

A lot! You're funny.

Now you can relax for a bit. Basically, you can take a nap every afternoon.

But you know, don't tell anyone about it.

I can't believe you're leaving. It's a disaster.

It's alright. You'll have some peace. You won't have to listen to me cry all day.

Yeah right, with those two idiots singing duets all day?