The Mudge Boy

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She's not coming today.

Tomorrow, either.

Hello, miss Polly-o.

Thank you, Hannah.

Wow, cousin Jessica.

Your first this week. Mom would have been very proud.

Hi, chicken.

Hey.

- I can clean it up. - Go in the house.

Bring them eggs with you.

Miss Blodgett said you should fix the front step.

How was your day?

It was fine.

How's your supper?

It's good.

"How was your day, Duncan?"

Good.

"Did you tell your father about old red hen?"

"I had to bury another one of my chickens today, Edgar...

old age."

"Duncan played the minister.

- You should've seen him throw the Bible." - Just don't.

"Now, Edgar, death's just as much a part of life as living is."

Stop! Stop it! Stop it!

I'm going to have a smoke.

That it?

That's all of it.

Look at that.

Follows him like a little puppy dog.

That chicken belongs with the others.

Nacnud Egdum.

This is my last name backwards.

Duncan Mudge is Nacnud Egdum.

You go...

M-U-D-G-E, E-G-D-U-M.

Egdum.

Egg dumb, huh?

Yeah, it's kind of funny.

You can do anything.

Juster Pelkey is, um...

How about taking a couple of chickens home with you?

That'd be great.

Yeah.

Go grab him two good ones.

They're not yours to give.

You mind your manners and get the man his chickens.

Hey.

You hear me?

- I don't want to cause trouble with you. - You ain't trouble.

Sorry, Juster.

It's ok, Duncan.

How come Duncan don't help you?

He helps out.

Cousin Jessica, you're gonna go live at Juster's house now.

It's ok, it's ok.

Marilla the Gorilla is going with you.

I know.

I know.

I'll miss you too.

Just make sure you lay lots of eggs for him, ok?

He's nice.

I didn't know women had heart attacks like that, huh?

Heard it knocked her right off her bike.

- Is that true? - Yeah, yeah.

Oi! Those are big ones, Duncan.

They're good layers.

Them are beauties.

Give them to me.

Hey, not like that! You'll hurt them.

Poor little things.

They'll be good eating.

He's a funny kid, Edgar.

You better get these home.

Hey, girl.

What the hell you doing?

I was just petting her.

She'll suck your dick if you let her.

Well, I wouldn't let her.

I'm just kidding you, Duncan.

I know.

Hey!

She ain't gonna milk herself.

No shit. Really?

I'm just talking to my friend over here.

You're a god damn smart ass, ain't you?

What are you waiting for? Let's go.

He's just mad because he lost his license.

Nice chicken.

Do you want to hold her?

No.

I gotta go in.

Come on.

Come on!

Do you need any eggs?

We're leaving shortly.

I'm almost ready.

on a hill far away

stood an old rugged cross

the emblem of suffering and shame

and I love that old cross

where the dearest and best

for a world of lost sinners was slain

so, I'll cherish the old rugged cross

till the moment, at last I lay down

I will cling to the old rugged cross

and exchange it some day for a crown

Where's my eggs, young man?

Oh, I forgot. Um...

I'll bring them by after church.

Duncan's it.

I just can't get over it. He's the spitting image of Lydia.

You must see it, Edgar.

Yeah, I see it.

More and more like her every time I see him.

Good morning. How are you?

Tracey!

Tracey!

Where's your brother? We're leaving.

Oh, he went off downstairs.

- Oh, I'll go get him. - Thanks.

Come on, let's go.

God, you got beautiful tits.

You're sexy as hell.

- Are you being serious? - Yeah.

Take off your panties.

Oh, God, Perry, you're all sweaty.

Fuck!

Oh, my god. Are you kidding me?

Why?

Perry?

- Perry. - What?

Your mom's leaving.

Oh, Jesus, Perry.

Hi, Duncan.

Hi.

Where are you going?

Yeah...

your mom is leaving.

Tell her I'll be right there.

I've got to shit.

Ok.

Hop in, Scotty.

Come on, boys.

He'll be right out.

He was just down there, um... by himself.

Thanks, Duncan.

Bye, Duncan.

Edgar...

glad you're here.

Morning, Reverend.

How are you boys making out?

Uh, we're fine, Reverend. We're doing just fine.

Good.

What'd I tell you about that chicken?

Hey, chicken boy!

- Look, it's the egg lady. - You're just an asshole, Travis.

- "I'll have a dozen." - "You're an asshole, Travis."

We need more beer.

Right, Travis, 'fess up.

I told you, I'm broke till Monday, man.

What, are you kidding me?

Scotty, you never have any money.

When's the last time you bought the beer?

Hmm, let me see.

Never?

Fuck! Hey!

- Take it easy on my wheels, big fella. - I'm trying.

What do you want me to do? Turn him upside down and shake him?

I got money.

How much?

That'll do.

- I want some gum. - Get some chips. I'm starving.

Nice turd, Duncan.

Hey, Travis, check out his turd!

Oh, that's a nice one, pumpkin.

Duncan, bring your chicken over here.

Oh, my God. She is so cute.

Can I hold her?

Sure.

Hey, who cuts your hair, Duncan?

Your grandma?

No.

My dad.

Right, ok.

Ok.

Aww, she's sweet.

What's her name?

Chicken.

Me and my mom

ordered a box of baby chicks in the mail, and they were all supposed to be...

Rhode Island Reds and girls, but

one of them turned out to be a rooster,

and one of them turned out to be white.

Hmm.

She was my mom's favorite.

Your mom was so pretty.

Yeah.

Gross, Tonya.

Shut up, April.