Strike!

January 4, 1963.

Dear Dennis: I've been abducted by my own parents.

They found out what we were planning, and now they want me...

as far away from you as possible.

I'm not coming back to Chancery. They're hauling me and my horse...

to some all-girls' school in Connecticut.

They think I'll be safe surrounded by high walls and lesbians.

This is the end of the world. One look tells you,

this place eats the hairy bird.

You know, you are going to love it here. My great-grandmother was class of 1903.

So, I'm fourth generation to go here.

Both my mom and dad are on the Board of Trustees.

So, obviously, we believe that Miss Godard's is the finest girls' school in the east.

This is Miss Godard, who founded the school.

She looks like an ax murderer. Indeed, you will find...

the original ax on display at the woodpile.

Hello, Miss McVane. Hello, Abby.

Kindly explain my joke to the new girl.

Well, one of the rules is if you're late to class, you have to chop wood.

You must be Odette Sinclair. Welcome.

I know it's a difficult adjustment from a coed academy to a girls' school.

If I can help ease the transition, come see me in my office.

Carry on, Abby.

Who was that? Zorro?

Oh, that's Miss McVane, the headmistress. She really great.

Verena, Tinka! You've got a new roommate!

What? She's from Detroit!

What? We take the honor system very seriously here.

Miss Godard believed that the girls should govern themselves...

in order to learn to take responsibility for their actions.

What's this? This? Oh...

I'm a monitor. I'm on the self-government committee.

Elected nine times now. So, I have nine stars.

Taking a break. You're absolutely not allowed to smoke.

Uh, where are you going? To visit my horse.

I was going to warn you about your roommates.

But now, I don't think I will.

She's got five pairs of Pappagallo's.

She's got a great stereo!

Men on the floor!

Come along now, girls. Scurry, scurry.

Will you get into your room? There's men on the floor.

Hey, baby!

Now, there's no place to dance, anyway.

Ooh, this must be the boyfriend.

"Love, Dennis." Ohh!

I did not give you permission to play my records.

Welcome! I'm Tinka Parker. And this is Verena Von Stefan.

Art thou perchance Odette? Odie.

Those are my shoes. We always borrow each other's things.

I loathe and abhor this place.

I don't see how you can say that when you're from Detroit.

So, Odie, what are you doing here at Miss God-Awful?

How come you had to transfer from Chancery?

Oh, no doubt things were getting too hot and heavy with Dennis the Penis.

Up your ziggie with a wah-wah brush.

What?

Say that again. Up your ziggie with a wah-wah brush.

That's priceless. Where did you hear that?

I made it up. Dinner!

Go back up and sew up that hem.

Hold it.

Why, Abby and Susie. Sieg Heil!

Parker! Take those off.

Why? They're not jewelry. They're office supplies.

Off. Or I'll report you to Miss McVane.

Abby, up your ziggie with a wah-wah brush.

So, what's she like? Mm, she could be improved.

We've decided not to get rid of her.

She's got a great record collection. Geez. Yum!

Odious, this is Tweety Goldberg and Momo Haines. Hi.

Are you carrying Dennis' child?

You can tell Tinka. She's had four pregnancy scares.

Four. Was it beautiful?

Do you actually expect me to answer these questions?

But we're curious. We all have our hymens, except Tinka.

That's enough. Clearly, she doesn't want to describe it.

It's like hog wrestling. Isn't that right, Odious?

Oh, I don't even think she's done it with Dennis yet.

Are you gonna eat that? Tweety!

Where's my ipecac?

You hid it!

No! Oh, God! I knew it!

Tweety, no, no. Give it... No! Let go of me, Momo!

Tweety, don't do it! Give me the bottle. Ow!

Fine. Make yourself sick. You're only gonna be hungry again later.

She swallows ipecac syrup, and then 15 minutes later she heaves up everything.

Ipecac causes convulsions in the alimentary canal.

Are you taking chemistry? Yes.

Great! Mrs. Dewey is the most adorable teacher in the school.

She's gonna help me to get into M.I.T.

Who's your advisor? Mr. Dewey.

Eew, Mr. Dewey! Eew, he's a lech.

Good night, Tinka. Good night, Verena.

Good night, Dennis.

Ohh! Dennis!

Harder! Deeper!

Dear Dennis: I Miss you so much.

I'm perishing in this penal colony. I'm completely alone.

My roommates are demented.

Dear mother and father: Today, I was elected...

to the Security Council of the model U.N.

I'm so popular I got to play Russia.

Dear mom and dad: Today was dress rehearsal for death of a salesman.

My roommate plays Willy Loman. Ben! A man has got to add up to something!

Dear Dennis: Maybe I can escape from here and we can meet in New York.

Oh, good morning, Odette. What can I do for you?

I'd like to know why you turned down my request for a pass this weekend.

You wanted to go into New York to see a horse show...

Alone and unchaperoned and your parents worry you may run off to meet some boy.

I'm required to keep you here on weekends,

unless you're invited by a friend whom they approve.

Dear, I can think of no better cure for your...

Conspicuous misery than to make some friends.

Don't reject them. They're not just girls.

They're you.

And if you get to know them, then you'll be discovering yourself.

And that is, believe it or not, as great an adventure as the opposite sex.

Thank you.

For the most part, your papers ranged from the merely adequate to the completely vapid.

With the exception of one.

Miss Sinclair, I congratulate you on your grasp of Pan-European politics.

Now, remember, ladies, tomorrow's assignment will...

Verena, may I know the reason you're so late? Cramps.

I wonder what would happen to American foreign policy if President Kennedy got cramps.

Possibly, history has already been influenced by his bad back, sir.

Please submit a paper tomorrow supporting your thesis, Von Stefan.

Miss Parker, do you have any views on this subject?

No. Hmm.

Plenty of room but no views, hmm?

Oh. Just as I thought. Empty. Tomorrow's assignment... What?

Review chapters seven through 11 in the Palmer.

Come see me in my office after lunch.

If I'm not mistaken,

you show a genuine interest in political theory.

Yeah. Kind of, I guess.

I'm going to be attending a series of lectures over the next few weekends...

in New York City, which you might enjoy.

I'm sure I can arrange for Miss McVane's permission.

And perhaps even extra credit as well.

New York.

Between you and me, Miss Godard's isn't exactly...

a healthy environment for an energetic...

and... curious young spirit.

We wouldn't want the hall monitors to catch you with lint on your jacket.

Girls have been shot for less.

I'm so fat, I could die.

Look who's here.

Why, Odious. Hi, guys.

Oh, my God. She's actually talking to us today.

What happened with Dewey?

Did he feel you up? He invited me to a lecture in New York.

You didn't say you'd go with him, did you? He wants your bod.

Ladies, it's time to put on our thinking caps.

Somehow, we've got to get rid of him.

But then we'd lose Mrs. Dewey, whom we adore.

Yeah. But if she knew he was a pervert, she'd divorce him.

Right. She's got to see some proof.

Like when my mom found those pictures in my dad's desk.

Well, uh, I thought that maybe if I went to New York I could sneak away and see Dennis.

You don't need Dewey to go to New York.

All you have to do is ask us.

It's easy to get a weekend pass. All you need is a letter from your mother.

Dear Miss McVane: Tinka will be joining me in New York City the weekend of the 20th.

Blah, blah, blah. So, what I need is a pass that lets me get out alone.

That's what it is. Tinka takes the train into New York and stays at my mom's apartment.

She's in Europe for the year and Tinka's mom is in Boca Raton.

Wait a minute. So this is... I do all the mothers' letters.

Tweety wins our prize every year.

Miss Godard's girls are very talented. Let me see that.

Guys, wait!

How do you mail it so it has the right postmark?

You mail it to one of your friends back home, and they mail it for you.

Miss Godard's girls are very organized.

Guys, I think I'm in love.

Do you have something I could... Schoolmaids!

Hi, I'm Snake. This is Skunk, Groundhog, Possum and Beagle.

We're the... Flat Critters.

What is this? We're a photography club.

We take pictures of animals who have been run over.

Show 'em, Skunk.

Eew. Eew. Eew.

Eew! I love this woman!

She's everything anyone could need. Poise and personality.

Straight teeth, rich parents. Go away and leave us alone.

Her name is Tinka Parker.

Tinka. Her name is Tinka.

Now you are my dream. And you can take away my money, my food.

You can take away my home. You can take away my car!

But if you take away my dream I'm nothing but a...

Flat Critter!

What are you doing? Bring that back!

Come back with that hat, you little punk!

So, explain to me one thing.

Why can't I have you?

Because you are lower than dirt.

You're subterranean. You're a townie, for Christ sakes.

I don't know you! We haven't been introduced.

Is that how people fall in love in your world? They're "introduced"?

Come on! How sad.