Wild Tales (Relatos salvajes)

Hello. Am I on time?

I.D., please.

Let me ask you, my ticket was paid by a company,

can I get the miles?

No, there are no miles for this fare.

I see. Never mind, then.

Boarding is through gate three.

Thanks.

I’ll help you.

Fine.

Business or pleasure?

Both, I hope.

What do you do?

I’m a model.

Sorry, I should have figured.

Thank you.

Catwalk or advertising?

Catwalk.

And you, what do you do sir?

—You’re killing me. —Why?

You said “sir”

and I sank to the fifth circle of hell.

I have to do something about my hair.

I’m a music critic. Sounds horrible, I know.

It doesn’t. Rock?

Now you’re trying to be nice.

Classical music.

I see.

My first boyfriend was a classical musician.

Well, that’s what he studied.

What’s his name?

No, he’s not famous.

He wrote some works back when we were together,

but they were never published.

Or printed. What’s the right word?

Choose whatever term you like and I’ll make it popular.

Pasternak. Gabriel Pasternak.

Pasternak …

If I’d known it, I’d have told you I was a gravedigger, not a critic.

He submitted his thesis at the Conservatory of Music

when I was president of the jury. I ripped him apart.

Yes, I was with him at the time.

What you did to him was awful.

He spent a week in bed after reading the review.

Sometimes I have to destroy some poor guy’s self-esteem

to protect the ears of an entire population.

I may be wrong sometimes, but in this case …

His work was …

a dreadful monstrosity.

Are you still in touch with him?

We didn’t end on great terms.

But I’m still fond of him. He was a good guy.

Maybe, but if you present a piece like that to a jury

there has to be something wrong with you.

Gabriel Pasternak! How could I forget him?

We laughed about it for months.

I’m sorry to interrupt, but I was listening to you.

What a huge coincidence!

Gabriel Pasternak was my student

at Palomar Elementary School.

I had to tell him he was being held back.

I can assure you: the kid had issues.

I’ve never seen anything like it in 30 years as a teacher.

He was screaming

and crying like a newborn baby.

Miss Leguizamén?

Ignacio Fontana. Remember me?

Ignacio Fontana!

Unbelievable! There’s a cosmic connection here.

Wasn’t Pasternak one of your classmates?

—Are you friends with him? —Intimate friends.

Poor guy, we were awful to him.

This is beyond unbelievable.

I was a manager at Home Depot,

where this psycho you mentioned worked for a while.

He always had trouble with customers, so we had to let him go.

—And when I … —Excuse me.

Does anyone else know Gabriel Pasternak?

—Me. —Me too.

Why?

Why are you on this plane?

Did you buy your tickets?

I’m in real estate, they sent it to me to check out a farm.

I have a meeting with the Tourism Secretary.

They bought the ticket.

I won mine in a raffle.

I couldn’t change the date. I had to fly today.

Gabriel Pasternak is the Cabin Chief on this flight.

We did our training together, we were friends.

Then he asked me out and when I refused, he started to get …

Never mind.

After takeoff, he brought coffee to the cockpit.

The door is locked, the pilots won’t answer,

I’m desperate! I don’t know what to do!

I cheated on him with his only friend.

With him!

Gabriel! Gabriel, are you there?

It’s Victor,

Victor Jensen!

Talk to me, please!

—Who are you? —I was his psychiatrist for years.

Then I raised my fees, he got mad and stopped seeing me.

Open the door, Gabriel! Listen!

It’s not your fault! You’re just a victim here!

I’m telling you, plain and simple:

it was your parents who ruined your life!

They asked too much of you ever since you were born,

they projected all their disappointments on you!

They are responsible for your suffering!

Gabriel, no one here …

has anything to do with it!

WILD TALES

Good evening. Party of one?

I see you’re good at math.

One, yes.

Wherever you like.

Today’s special is lentil and rice stew.

Delicious!

Did he order?

That guy’s from my hometown.

He’s a loan-shark, a gangster.

He auctioned our house.

Because of him, my father killed himself.

Two weeks after the funeral,

he tried to seduce my mum.

He wouldn’t leave her alone so we moved here.

You know how many times

I dreamed of having him

right in front of me?

I’m going to say something.

Say something?

Your dad kills himself because of this guy,

and you’re just going to insult him?

Let’s put rat poison in his food.

There’s some in the storeroom.

A good dose and his heart will blow in five minutes.

Lots of work?

Not with this weather …

I’ve been trying to get your attention for a while.

You need to check on your customers, honey.

Sorry. Can I take your order?

French fries with fried eggs.

I’ll order something else if I’m still hungry.

—To drink? —Diet Coke.

Diet Coke?

Diet Coke.

French fries, fried eggs.

Want me to write it?

I hate him!

Make him French fries with fried eggs.

Are you crazy? Want me to go to prison?

To prison?

Who’ll do the autopsy on this jerk? The F.B.I.?

French fries with fried eggs.

They’ll think the cholesterol killed him.

Just cook his meal, will you?

Can I have your opinion?

You seem like a smart girl. Come here.

Which do you like better? This one?

CUENCA = SAFETY

Or this one?

The red one.

The red one. Hold on.

Don’t I look too serious?

No, I think it’s fine.

Thank you.

Besides, prison’s not that bad.

It just has bad reputation.

They feed you, you don’t pay rent,

you have nothing to worry about.

And if you make nice friends, you can have a good time.

You play cards …

Were you in prison?

A while.

I felt freer in there than here.

This is shit.

What did you do?

Nothing I regret.

And he’s running for mayor!

That son of a bitch. Can you believe it?

Of course I can. Bastards rule the world.

Wake up, kid!

So?

Shall we do the community a favour?

Great!

You did it.

Don’t play naïve, as if you hadn’t noticed.

What?

That’s our country.

Everyone wants these guys to get what they deserve,

but no one is willing to lift a finger.

Be proud, kid.

For once in your miserable life, you’re doing something worthwhile.

—I’m not doing anything. —You’re not?

You stay here arguing instead of taking the food away from him.

Relax.

You have nothing to worry about.

If there’s an investigation, I’ll say I used rat poison in the kitchen

because we were infested, which is true, by the way,

and some of it, accidentally fell into a pot.