In Treatment

Paul, it's April.

I, uh, I got the test results.

I'd like to come in for one last session.

I'll see you this afternoon.

April?

Paul, it's April.

I, uh, I got the test results.

I'd like to come in for one last session.

I'll see you this afternoon.

In Treatment, S02E32 April: Week Seven

It's the hat, isn't it?

Looks... looks nice.

It looks ridiculous.

So... so your message, you... you, you got the results?

Well, it itches like crazy.

- You can take it off if -- - No.

- Daniel gave it to me. - Oh.

- I didn't realize that you told him about -- - I didn't. My mother did.

I was afraid to.

Afraid of how he might react?

I was afraid that he wouldn't react.

I was afraid he would walk away, rattling off baseball statistics or something.

When our dog died, he didn't seem to notice.

And he loved that dog.

But then, like three months later, he turned into the kid from "The Exorcist"

and started telling everyone he met that they were gonna die.

Did you tell him before or after the tests came back?

Right afterwards.

They came over.

My mother brought me a cake, and Daniel gave me this hat.

It was like my birthday.

So, you're saying that you have something to... to celebrate?

It's working.

The mass behind my spine is shrinking.

So, that means: the prognosis is good.

Yes. Yeah.

Wow. That's great news.

I'm just so... so relieved.

What do you feel?

I don't know.

- You don't know? That's, that's not like you. - Yeah, it's weird.

When they first told you, were you surprised?

Did you, did you believe them?

Are you alone here?

- Yes. - But don't you have children?

- I mean, you told me you have children. - I do.

Where are they?

They... they live with their mother.

Hm... so you couldn't make it work either, and you're a therapist.

Maybe this is why therapists don't talk about their personal lives.

Kyle and Sienna broke up.

- When? - Last week, I guess.

He took me out to dinner, and he gave me this necklace.

It's a wishbone or something, on a silk chain.

Which is apparently supposed to brake

and, when it does, you're supposed to make a wish.

And what are you gonna wish for?

We went out for two years, and he never gave me any jewelry.

To what... what you make of that?

I guess he feels guilty.

That's a possibility.

He'll probably tell me that he cares about me and he's trying to express himself.

That's... that's another possibility.

It's too late.

Why?

I'm gone.

You mean... you're "gone" beyond an emotion?

I mean, the girl he loved, the girl he thinks he loves...

she doesn't exist any more.

Even if my hair grows back and I go into remission,

from now on anybody that I meet, I'm...

- I may have to tell them I had cancer. - Why?

Because it's true.

So, are you saying that your cancer has erased everything

that came before, that your old self is just, is just gone?

I was sitting across the table from Kyle...

and I knew I could take him home with me, even now, with no hair.

I miss him.

But the idea of getting into bed with him,

taking my clothes off and letting him close to me, letting him...

It's disgusting. I mean, I don't want it, ever again.

This is just what you're feeling now, April. That will change.

What kind of person doesn't want sex?

You see what I'm saying?

- I'm dead, I'm gone. - You're not gone, April.

You, you are... you are recovering.

And you've only got enough strength for one thing right now, and that's to get better.

You're right.

- What? - Don't think I ever heard you say that before.

Consider it a parting gift.

Is that your way of reminding me why you said in your message...

that you want this to be your last session?

Yes.

And, please, don't try to convince me to stay.

It's just that it's important for your recovery to talk about everything else that's going on.

I don't want to.

I know you don't want to, but isn't that your pattern, April?

- Stop it. - That's what we've been working on:

your pushing me away.

- Just let me help you. - I can't!

Of course you can.

What I want to do is, I want to schedule some meetings

for your parents, bring them into therapy.

- Maybe we could bring in Daniel -- - Stop it! I said no!

- Your mother and Daniel -- - Stop it, you fucking asshole!

Is everything okay?

I had to go scratch my head.

- I'm sorry. - No apologies.

Why don't I have to apologize? Is it because I'm sick?

Because I'm your therapist.

So what? You're not a human being?

Someone calls you a "fucking asshole" and you don't care?

I told you the day we met that I didn't want you to be taking care of my feelings.

What's the point of therapy, then? Teaching people to be self-obsessed?

Do you really think I need more help in that department?

Do you wanna sit down?

I understand that maybe you reacted because a part of you wants to leave,

but maybe you reacted so strongly because,

well, part of you wants to leave, another part of you realizes

that something valuable is actually happening in this room.

I could be a perfect person.

I could reach nirvana.

And I could wake up tomorrow with a lump in my breast.

- So you're saying, "What's the point"? - Yes.

What's the point?

Why don't you just take it off?

I don't want to.

And I don't wanna talk about why not or,

or why Daniel gave me the wrong hat

or why I can't let you see me bald.

- I understand. - No, you don't.

You're right.

I dropped out of school.

When?

Last week.

Is it because of the chemo?

But you're almost done. Don't you want to graduate?

I'm never gonna get a job as an architect anyway.

- Why do you say that? - You saw my work. It's shit.

- I don't agree with that. - It doesn't matter any more.

I'm so far behind, you know, there's no way I could catch up.

Well, actually, you haven't missed that much time at all.

I'm sure the school would work with you.

I wasn't even going for me.

I was going for my mother.

She got so nervous when I was graduating college because I didn't have a plan.

She wanted me to get an advanced degree so she wouldn't have to worry about me...