Curb Your Enthusiasm

Larry, we are so excited about this show. Right?

-We've been talking about it... -Cool.

-...all week long. -Is that so?

All right, so just a little bit of housekeeping right up front,

uh, on the casting side of things,

you guys are pretty keen on this particular young woman

to play Marsha Lifshitz, right?

-Uh, what's the... Maria Sofia Estrada.

Maria Sofia Estrada. Yeah. Where'd you find her?

Oh...

-We couldn't find her on IMDB. -Is she on TikTok?

-Does she do theater? -Does she do theater?

Does she do theater! You know what?

Okay. Are you ready?

-Yeah. All right.

A friend of mine, his daughter goes to high school

and they're doing a high school production of Romeo and Juliet,

and his daughter was playing Mrs. Montague.

He asked me if I wanted to go. Sure, I'll go.

I love theater. Okay? Sue me.

What-- what-- what am I, crazy? I just love it, you know?

I just-- I sit there, and I go, "Whoa!"

It's theater, you know. It's all alive. It's happening.

But anyway, his daughter, sorry to say,

she just, you know, didn't have it.

-But.. Mm?

...the girl playing Juliet. Oh!

My God, she was sensational.

Can you guys believe it?

My daughter's gonna be the star of Larry David's new show.

I mean, she was incredible. I went backstage.

I saw my friend's daughter. I said, "Y--y--y-- very good,

-where's Juliet?" You know. -(LAUGHTER)

And I went to find Juliet, and she came in to audition.

-She's like a discovery. -Oh, so she read for you already?

-She read, yes. Oh, wow.

-Oh! The electricity in the room, forget about it. -Oh my God! Oh my God!

I'd love to see the tape.

Well...

I, um, I did not tell you this.

What?

I accidentally erased the tape yesterday.

I know. I've been hesitant to tell you.

Oh, my God, Jeff, why did you do that?

-You fucking idiot. -Yeah, I know.

-You're a fucking idiot, you know that? -Can I tell you something?

-It's all right. Yeah.

-I am. I am. -You are.

I am. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm so sorry.

So no tape? Okay. Um...

Who told you the tape-- Who told you to futz with it?

-Look, I got a little crazy. -You got a little crazy.

-What do you want from me? -Yeah, shut up. Just shut up.

Bit of a ray of sunshine then. Um, we have a kid we think

-is fantastic for Young Larry. -Is that so?

-Yeah. He's... -Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Dylan O'Brien, you guys know Dylan O'Brien?

-Dylan O'Brien. He's so hot right now.

He was in Teen Wolf.

Uh, he's in the Maze Runner trilogies.

-We think he's Young Larry. -Yeah.

Attaching someone like Dylan,

-this show goes for a very long time. -Uh-huh.

So, look, he's in a band. He's got a little pet project.

It's Dylan O'Brien and the Entrails.

-You know. They're great.

Yeah. They are-- They're actually pretty good.

And he plays guitar and drums. Come to the show tomorrow,

you know, bunch of young people will be...

-He's gonna be singing? -Yeah. Yeah. He's gonna sing.

If you're going, I'm going.

-You going? -So, you'll go?

-Okay. -Okay, great.

Rock concert? Can't stand rock concerts.

This is pure torture for me, honestly.

So loud, you know?

It's a nightclub. There's not even gonna be places to sit.

Exact-- and-- and we're gonna have to go backstage

and pretend that we liked it, and it's...

-Ow. What the-- -Who needs that shit?

Geez.

Fuckin' tooth is killing me, man.

-You got a good dentist? -He retired.

He did? I got the guy for you.

Really? -Dr. Thanapapalous.

-He's fantastic. -Well, maybe I'll go to him.

You gotta go to him.

However, if you do go,

uh, there's a young lady named Angie.

Uh, great girl. Great hygienist.

I got her pregnant.

And, uh, she got an abortion.

-And, uh, yeah. -Wow.

-Wow. Sorry. Holy cow. -(GROANS)

-One big headache. -You paid for the abortion?

-Of course I paid for the abortion. Yeah, of course.

Geez. What are you supposed to do?

She's beautiful, flirted with me.

-What am I gonna do? -What do you got going for you?

I don't get it.

By the way, I don't question it.

-So that's over now? -Yeah. We're not dating anymore.

All right. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Pee before you leave, that's my credo.

It's a good credo.

Come on in. Hey.

-Sorry to interrupt. -No, no. Not at all.

-We were talking about you. -(EXECS CHUCKLING)

I just wanted to let you know that I was using

-the, uh, the unisex bathroom. -Yeah.

The toilet seat does not stay up.

-Oh, I'm sorry about that. -You know, I was climbing

-on the rim, okay? -Oh. Oh.

Then I was holding it up with my foot

because that thing can't come down in midstream

'cause, you know, I don't have the urethral discipline

I had when I was a youth.

-You know? So... -(ALL LAUGHING)

But it beat the alternative, which is sitting,

pants on the floor, you know what?

Those pants go right in the incinerator.

I swear to you, if those pants touch that floor,

I'm going home in my underwear.

-(LAUGHTER) -That's fantastic.

-Anyway-- -Yeah. I-- I-- you know what?

Thank you for bringing it to our attention.

-I will talk to maintenance. -You'll talk to maintenance?

Absolutely. You got it. We're on it.

Okay, you go back to your business.

-All right, take care. Okay.

Thanks, Larry. Bye, Larry.

And you're going to Asia with this guy?

You don't even know him from a hole in the wall.

I like adventure. New places. New man.

-I don't know. -See new things. Fuck yeah.

Yeah. -I call her Deuce. Number two.

-Mary Ferguson Two. -That's right.

By the way, let me give you a little tip.

Okay. Okay. -Okay?

-You're gonna be with this guy? Yeah?

Don't walk into any glass doors.

-I'll try not to. -(LAUGHS)

Okay. Well, I'm still hungry.

-My steak was amazing. So good. -Are you gonna finish it?

Uh, no, I'm gonna save that for my dog.

Oh.

Can I have some?

Uh, no, I'm gonna give it to my dog.

-Really? -Yeah.

-I can't have a piece of that? -No, taking it in a doggie bag.

Right now, that dog is sitting home anticipating

a doggie bag coming home.

They're not expecting five slices. Got five slices there.

What if you brought home three slices and gave me two,

would that kill anybody?

No, I'm gonna take it all for my dog.

Humans should take precedence over an animal.

But pets should take precedence over someone I just met.

-So you're not gonna give me any? -No.

-Okay. -Makes sense to me.

You know what makes sense to me?

If you wanna give your dog all your steak,

perhaps...

perhaps you should pay for it.

Wow.

-Wow? -Wow.

No, no, no. That's not "wow". This is wow.

No, asking me to pay. Wow. Wow.

No, no, no. Dog over man. That's the wow.

No, it's, um, "Oh, I want you to pay for this meal."

-That's a wow. -Yeah. No, no.

"I'm gonna give my dog five slices of my steak

-and not this guy." Wow. Oh, oh--

-That's wow. -"Oh, you should pay for the bill,"

-yeah, no, that's wow. "Go pay for the bill." -Oh, no. Wow. Wow.

-I got the wow. -I got the wow.

That's not the wow! That's not the wow!

That's not the wow! That's not the wow!

So listen, I don't know what to make of this.

Angie told me she's having complications

-and she needs more money. -From the abortion? Jesus.

-Wow. -What complications?

Man, oh, man, that sounds a--

That sounds a tad suspicious.

She might be taking complete advantage of me.

How are you supposed to know? She could say anything.

Right. That's why you're on a secret mission.

When you're at the dentist,

you need to find out what's going on.

So when you go there, keep an eye out.

Hey, Jeff? -Oh, you know, but you say he's good.

But that touchdown wasn't a touchdown.

-No, no. -No way.

-Hey, what are you doing here? -Oh, we got to go, uh,

see that kid play at a concert.

-The young actor-- -Oh, the actor for the show. Yeah. Yeah.

-We got the new towels. Fluffy. -Oh, they're beautiful.

Feel this, new fluffy towels.

-Not like your ratty old towels. -What?

What'd you say about my towels?