Elvis and Anabelle (Elvis & Anabelle)

I've rented the house on Haunted Hill tonight

so my wife can give a party.

There'll be food and drink

and ghosts.

And perhaps even a few murders.

You're all invited.

If any of you will spend the next 12 hours in this house,

I'll give you each $10,000...

or your next of kin, in case you don't survive.

Ah, here come our other guests...

Hey, coach. Remember me,

Elvis Moreau?

I used to Play on your baseball team,

the Cubs.

I was the lame-o you used to shout at

every time I dropped a fly ball,

which was pretty much any time

one was hit in my direction.

It sucked.

But you know what really sucked?

Was you...

and your big stinking mouth.

I can still hear you howling from the dugout.

Who's got the last laugh now, asshole?

Hmm?

All right, now.

Say cheese.

Excuse me.

Mr. Moreau?

- Mrs. Van hook. - Elvis.

I came by to thank your father

for the lovely job he did on my husband.

Thank you, ma'am. I'll be sure to tell him.

Is he around today?

Oh, no, ma'am, he's...

He's occupied at the moment.

I hardly see him anymore at church

since your momma passed.

- Mmm. - Is he all right?

Oh, he's fine. He's just fine. Thank you for asking.

He certainly did a marvelous job.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Whoo-hoo!

How'd you do?

78.

That's great.

I didn't get under 72.

You'll get it.

Gotta get under 72.

You'll get it.

Wait for me, wait for me.

Hurry, Mom, before somebody comes by and laughs at us.

Dumpling, squinch up to your mom so I can fit everything in.

Just take the picture already!

We're gonna be late.

Don't call me dumpling.

Jimmy, how hard can it be?

Just take it, Jimmy!

Smile.

Oh, shit, somebody's coming.

Smile, princess, and don't say "shit."

Creepy. Did y'all get a look at those two?

Okay, which one you want? Colored or regular?

Well, hmm.

All right, how about big ones?

I know you like the big ones.

Well...

Okay, how about this?

While you decide, I'm gonna go get dinner.

- You want anything? - Moon pie.

Moon Pie? All right.

- Elvis? - Yeah?

Don't forget the moon pie.

I heard you. I heard you.

You like marshmallows? I like marshmallows too.

I like marshmallows.

Hey, man, sorry, is there a problem?

- No, there ain't no problem. - No problem?

Good. Come on.

Freak.

Dad.

The flowers.

I hate to break the news to you folks,

but Anabelle and I have decided to elope.

It took a lot of convincing, but he finally agreed.

Let's get together and give her a big hand

and send her off with our best wishes.

Come on.

Oh, thank you!

Hi, how are you? Good to see you.

Just a minute, please.

"Baron von Cleopart heard the man

screaming outside the door of his castle.

He could feel the anger coursing through their veins

as they collectively lunged at the large doors.

He calmly moved to the top of the stairs..."

"...and watched them scurry toward him like a pack of rats.

They stopped in their tracks as he opened his cloak

and unsheathed a long shiny sword."

See, I'm not sure if he should use a sword

or one of those long poles with a hatchet on the end.

You know what I mean? Which one you think?

I like it.

Maybe I'll give him knives on the inside of his cloak.

I like it.

I like it too.

When you gonna get a gal?

When you gonna get a gal?

I heard you the first time.

Um...

I don't know. I haven't met anyone.

You ain't gonna find her in the grocery store.

Your company does me just fine.

I wouldn't mind having a grandbaby

running around making a mess.

I'd like having me a little grandbaby running around

making a mess here and there.

- I heard you. - You mad at me?

No.

No, Dad, I'm not mad at you.

I like your story, Elvis.

I like you, Dad.

I like you more, Elvis.

I'm gonna go to my room and work on this some more.

You need anything?

- Night, son. - All right.

You change your mind, just holler.

Night.

Night.

Okay, arms back, chest out.

Oh my God, did you pack the miracle bra?

No, Momma, I decided to go topless

for the evening gown competition.

Stop cutting up. Did you bring it?

Of course I did, Momma.

Not that your breasts need a miracle.

My God, you are so beautiful.

Get over here, right now.

Hey, you have to carry yourself with that confidence.

Momma, you saw Miss Panhandle. She was gorgeous.

She's nothing.

She's nothing.

Repeat it.

"I am the most beautiful girl."

"I am the most beautiful girl."

"Pure as the driven snow." Say it.

Oh, Momma.

Please.

What?

Well, you are...

right?

Am what?

Nothing. I don't even have to ask.

I know.

Baby, I can't find your curling iron anywhere.

It's in the blue bag.

You look.

How you doing?

Got butterflies in your belly?

Little bit.

How 'bout a good luck hug?

Huh?

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

That's it.

You're gonna be fine.

Just fine.

Right?

Yeah.

Hey.

You kick ass out there now.

Well?

I love you.

Oh, God knows it hasn't been easy,

but I tried to show you a better world.

It's all right, Momma.

No. No, it is not all right.

You listen to me.

This moment, right here,

this can change your life. Do you get that?

We're talking lunches with the governor

and scholarships and modeling contracts...

The works.

I mean, true freedom.

That means never having

to count on some jackass of a man like...

Like your stepfather for your happiness.

That's what it means.

But only if... and I mean only if...

You truly believe you can win.

So do you?

I do.

All right. Now you get out there, baby,

and you shine.

You shine, shine, shine.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a big round of applause

for our contestants. Aren't they beautiful?

Let me tell you guys, am I the luckiest man alive or what?