It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Attention!

Attention, everyone. Gather around, please.

Gather round. Mac has a very important announcement!

Because of my sudden and unfortunate weight loss,

the bar is now in extreme risk,

and as head of security, this concerns me.

So Mac's made a couple of moves.

And that first move... is this.

Jesus Christ. Jesus.

Perfect for ocular pat downs.

Now I can determine a subject's threat level...

without him being able to feel my retinal assessment.

V\/hich is a great advantage because the guy can't see how scared Mac is.

Yes, and-No, that's not what it's about.

Huh? It's not about him-

I thought you were soared every time you went to-That's classified!

Look, this whole point is to make them feel safer, all right?

We don't feel safer. And there will never come a time where you will need those.

Mark my words, Dennis.

There will come a time when I will utilize these glasses...

to assess a threat, and then-

- Are they still standing there? - No, they walked away.

My peripheral is a little compromised.

Yeah, you can't see out the sides, and that's a disadvantage, so-

Oh, good. You're all here.

- Who invited the Jew lawyer? - Not Jewish.

Hold on, punk.

He's clear. He's clear!

You know, I-l really do not understand you people. You know, it's funny.

Most of the time, I'm trying to get away from you,

and yet, when I really need to get in touch with you,

I can't get you to return my phone calls.

Mmm. Don't need you. Don't care.

- Eh, out you go. - Lovely.

As the executor of your mother's estate, I'm here to inform you...

that her father, Heinrich Landgraf, has fallen into a coma.

Pop-Pop? He's being kept alive by a respirator.

As per the will, the only living blood relatives,

the ever-charming Dee and Dennis Reynolds,

are the only people empowered to decide whether or not he stays on those machines.

Are you saying that we have to decide whether that old Nazi bitch lives or dies?

There's that charm. That is correct.

I'll await your decision.

Pop-Pop's room's right down here.

How do you know, Frank?

I come here every week and feed him soup, take care of him.

That's nice of you-Help a man keep his dignity in his final years.

Somebody's gotta do it.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Ugh! I didn't have a chance to tidy.

Tidy? Frank, the man is rotting.

Oh, God. Why hasn't someone done something in here?

I told the staff I got it.

- You don't got it. - You don't have it at all!

- Yeah, what is the overwhelming smell? - Oh, that's the soups.

Ugh. Yeah, well, if he doesn't finish,

sometimes I leave 'em for him,

and then I forget, and then months go by.

Jesus Christ, Frank. what the hell is really going on here?

Look, the guy always said he had Nazi treasure stashed away.

I figure I spend some time with him, he gives it to me.

All right, well, pretty good plan.

Execution leaves a lot to be desired.

Okay, well, speaking of execution,

we're just gonna pull the plug on this creep and get out of here, right?

VVhoa.VVhoa. Hold on a second, Dee. I mean, that's a big decision.

How so? We're talking about taking a man's life.

Yeah, but he was a Nazi, so it's kind of, like, eh.

Yeah, I get that. But, I mean, he was our grandfather.

Okay, maybe we gotta think this through a little bit more then.

- Yeah. - Oh, my God. Make a decision already!

Are you eating the soup? Is he eating the soup?

Yes.

I'm sorry. I was hungry. I made a decision to eat the soup.

I didn't sit around thinking all day, “Hey, do I do this? Do I not do this?”

We are making a decision about whether or not to take a man's life,

not whether or not to eat old, rancid soups. Okay, listen.

We just need to gather a little bit more information...

before we make our decision, right? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you guys think it over. Think it over.

Mac, can you come here for a second?

What?

All Frank's talk about Nazi treasure-Uh-huh.

Got me thinking about something.

Okay, you remember that box of stuff Pop-Pop gave me a few years ago?

It was all this old stufif Nazi shit' that he got from the war?

Holy shit!

Yeah. Didn't we burn that all in the alley?

Not all of it.

There was a painting in that box,

a very special dog painting that I mounted on my wall.

You and my dad share this futon?

Now, Frank hated this painting, you Know? He made me take it down.

I do not like this painting, Charlie.

Its smug aura mocks me.

It's evil, Charlie.

Evil.

And it's been in that box ever since. Uh-huh. So what?

By the way, man,

this is why we work well together, you know?

You see free soup. You make a decision to eat it. It's horrible.

It's terrible soup, but we gotta stick with our decisions, right?

Yeah, I can't go back on it now. No, no.

All right, anyway, do you think that that painting...

could've been the Nazi treasure that Frank's looking for?

Mmm. I've made a decision. Yes.

Yes, right? Yeah.

Okay. You gotta help me find it.

Let's slip out of here so they don't notice. Okay.

They're standing two feet away from us, so they are gonna notice.

But let's just run out of here.

They'll think we made a quick decision toleave.

Damn it, dude!

All right, I remember exactly what happened, all right?

Frank took it down, told me to get rid of it.

I stashed it away somewhere,

but then what happened to it from there, I don't know.

Hey, Charlie, come here, dude. You gotta check this out.

Look at all these old photos of Hitler with German shepherds.

Oh, holy shit. Yeah. But check this out.

Oh, my God! Yeah.

Hitler painted German shepherds all the time.

He was, like, obsessed.

Dude, I'm thinking that maybe that painting could be-

An original Hitler. Yes!

Yeah! Holy shit, dude. This is huge!

We are gonna become famous treasure hunters, I'm thinking.

Hollywood is gonna make a Da I/inci Code style thriller about us.

I can finally be Indiana Jones. Yeah. Yeah, and then I get it back on my wall!

Yeah. Well, we're not gonna put it back up on your wall.

It'll probably go in a museum. That's where it belongs.

No, no, no, no, no. It looks so good here.

It belongs in a museum, and that's the end of this!

Okay, you know what? Can you call Frank?

Because he's gonna remember the details.

I know that I stashed it away somewhere, but it's-it's gone.

I can't find it. Do we have to involve Frank?

You know what? Yeah. Well, just tiptoe around the language.

I'll play it cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Frank j Mac!

Hey, Frank.

Where are you? You sound strained.

I'm stuck in a window over at Pop-Pop's house.

I gotta find his treasure. Treasure?

What treasure? I don't even know what you're talking about.

There probably is no treasure. I'll bet you there's no treasure.

You can stop looking for the treasure, 'cause there's no treasure.

Hey, man, you know where that, um, worthless old dog painting that you had-

You're on fire. hanging up in your apartment-

Do you know where that might be? The dog pa/ht/hg? Oh!

That was evil. I threw that thing out.

I'm pretty sure I saw Cricket scampering away with it.

Cricket? Hey, listen, Mac.

Do me a favor. I'm really stuck in this window.

W17! you come and get-

Okay. Nice.

We gotta get Cricket. I know just where to find him.

The duster's a nice touch.

Yes. I don't like you wearing the glasses though.

They're supposed to assess a threat.

Cricket could be a threat. No, I have cleared him on multiple occasions.

Here we go. Hello! Hey, Cricks.

Dog pound, huh?

Weird.

Oh. Ugh.

Jesus Christ, that's gruesome.

Yeah, I got into a skirmish with a stray chocolate lab.

I won't go into details, but-

Suffice to say, thatdogis very paralyzed now.

Anyway, they got me doing this- this community service thing.

Yeah, but I'm kind of a dog executioner,

so, uh, looks like old Cricket got the last laugh.

- - Wow.

You're putting the dogs down?

Well, uh, no. You know, mostlyjust, you know,

cleaning up the poops, you know,

washing out the cages, that kind of thing.

Huh. Sounds like you're a dog janitor then.

Yeah, that's more like they got the last laugh.

Cricks, Frank said you know something about a dog painting...

that he threw away that you might have scampered off with.

- Yeah, worthless dog painting. - Hey, yeah. Dog painting. Sure, yeah.

Oh, very evil vibes. Yeah, I sold it.

- To who? - Oh, some guy. He's coming down here.

He's all bent out of shape that he had to put down his German shepherd.

Well, I notice his dog looks just like the one in the painting.

I see an opportunity.

Make three bucks. Bada boom.

Wait!

He's cool. He's not a threat. Phew!

I know he's not a threat!

I told you, I've assessed him a-I just cleared him.

You are not using the glasses correctly, and it's driving me crazy.

Ithoughtlusedit Could you tell how scared I was?

No, I could not. I could not. Mara?

Yeah, boss. Got a mastiff in here, just had explosive diarrhea.

I've never seen anything like it. Get your ass in here.

Come on.

Hello? Somebody there?

Help me out of here. I'm stuck. I can't get out of here.