8 Simple Rules

Hey, Rory; What you doing over there?

I typed up a list of stuff I'm gonna sell online

People will buy anything.

Rory; Give it up.

No one's gonna give you any cash for your crap.

Rory; You can't sell all your toys

These are your childhood memories.

Mom; I've got a girlfriend now

Childhood memories don't pay

for the movies, popcorn and the lattes.

Lattes? -Yeah; Missy's an uptown girl.

I married an uptown girl.

"And now I live in my daughter's basement"

Well, I do.

Hey; 'Von trapps'; Don't get up!

I think congratulations are in order

You're looking at the new security consultant for 'Franklin Glen Mall'

You're a mall cop?

Bridget; Listen to me. It's not that hard

I'm a security consultant...

at the mall.

Wow; First College and now, a job.

You're almost ready for big-boy pants.

Yk;(You know) I dropped your comb in the toilet this morning.

Mom;

There's an art program in Europe this summer

and our teacher's recommended a bunch of us.

It's only $2.000. Can I go? -Oh; Only $2.000

Well, sure; I'll just let one of the houseboys go.

Hey; If she doesn't go, can we get some houseboys?

Mom; I've allways wanted to see Florence and Paris

and immerse myself in the art world.

She just wants to see the statue of David's 'Wiener'.

-Real mature! -Yeah. come on, Rory.

She wants to see his butt, too -Nice -Nice

Oh, come on! Mom; Can I go? Please, please, please.

Well, honey; As compelling as C.J. and Rory's arguments is

and as much as I would love you to go

It's $2000

Yk; When Bridget need extra money, she got a job

Oh my God!

Never been used as an example before.

Okay, Well; No one is hiring.

What are you talking about?

There are help-wanted signs all over the food court at the mall.

Forget it! I will never, ever work in a disgusting food court.

Welcome to Davy Crockett's. Remember The Alamo...

... Burger

Oh! Look at my little girl. Her first job!

Her skin's gonna break out so bad.

All right, honey. Smile!

Say "Cheese ...

Burguer"

Shoot me;

Shoot me now!

It's so humiliating that Kerry has to wear that.

I know.

Couldn't you at least get her a job at strip... or something?

Yeah; But then we couldn't do this

-Ew!! Red hair in my Burger!! -Ewww!!

Okay; Stop it! It's still not funny!

Hi! Welcome to David Crockett's

Remember the pie 'Alamo-De'

Ladies;

Bridget;

I saw you swipe that drink

I didn't swipe anything. Refillls are free.

No, no; 'Ma Barker' Let me tell you something

Only free refills are free; Okay?

Guess how much 35c refills cost?

Don't get a brain cramp

Tell you what

I'm gonna let you two slide on this one with a warning

But I got my eye on you; Ok?

Hey, Mr. 'Rent-a-cop'; We're so- Hey! No, no no ...Shush!!

What are you gonna do? Take us to mall jail?

Don't you laugh at me. Don't you laugh at -

Look at Kerry!

Ahhh...

Thank you. Your're number 79

Zach!!

What is going on? We're out of fries again?

Ok;

Here's an idea

When you take out on batch of fries, put another one in

It'll almost be like we're in the business of selling them!

God! How did you get this job anyway?

I was like: 'I need a job'

And they were like: 'Okay'

That's a fascinating story

Now, Get back to work!!

Hennessy!

You're scaring everybody. -Sorry.

No, no, no! don't be

You know, Kerry;

I think you got what it takes to make it, in The Fast-Food Industry.

What's that - More skills than Zach?

I was gonna, like, ask you out

but you can, like now forget it.

Don't worry about him

He's still gonna ask you out

But you can't go because rank and file

can't date

Assistant Managers!

Assitant Manager?

But I've only worked here five days.

Yeah! And you showed up for all five!

That's a new Davy Crockett record

So, what do you think?

Well;

I'm mortified

This job was supposed to get me to Italy and France.

Not become my career

It's an extra buck-50 an hour.

'Merci Beaucoup' (Thanks)

Well; The money is rolling in

I'm this much closer to a night on the town with my lady.

Rory; Wait a minute. You've already gotten paid?

But all this stuff is still sitting in the dining room

You haven't even sent it off yet

Oooh, I get it;

Maybe it's just to hard to say 'Goodbye' to piggy 'McPig Pig'.

Shhh. It's just crap.

Even though he was your first kiss?

Shut up!

And it's 'she' -Ah -Aghh

Besides going to the post office is just such a hassle.

Well; It's gonna be even a bigger hassle,

when people start canceling their checks

Repossessing your couch

Taking you to Court

Leaving you no alternative but to change your name to initials

Hypothetically.

Oh! You have no idea how hard it it,

to run an efficient hamburger stand.

You are right.

I wouldn't know anything about feeding a bunch of hungry

angry teenagers who want what they want, when they want it.

Let me tell you: It's not easy.

You know, I just have to say I think it is great

that everyone in this house is working

Except grandpa; Slacker.

Now, now, grandpa has worked his entire life

unlike you, who has worked for... what? Five minutes?

Nonetheless, I'm very proud of all of you

It's not easy with all these mouths to feed.

Are you listening, grandpa?

Is that what I am? another mouth to feed?

Oh, no, no, dad. It's just a saying

Don't let C.J. get under your skin

Yeah, C.J. When are you gonna start contributing?

Now that you've got that prestigious mall-cop job.

I don't even live here anymore

I am totally self-sufficient

By the way, this isn't chunky

Well; I can't even stop by for a snack?

No, no, no; Come by any time for a $5 jar of peanut butter.

Well; Look at 'Goodbye Mr. Chips', over there

He's got more food in the hair on his chest, than I eat in a month!

Oh! That is such a lie!

Well, now, come on, dad

You got to admit...

you like your chips

What are you saying?

Yeah; Just saying that you like your chips.

Okay; Then don't buy the damn chips

if I'm such a burden such a mouth to feed

It doesn't count that I spent 50 years providing for my family

sending you an your sister through College

Fine! I'll just get a job like the rest of you.

Oh, now, dad! Don't be ridiculous

You don't have to ge a job You do plenty around here

Come on! I'm just kidding.

But for the record, when it comes to chips, you're like a machine.

There must be someone out there wanting to hire

a man of my experience in engineering

Hey Kerry! Don't you have that:

"We hire old people" program where you work?

Bridget; No. Come on! -Yeah! I think grandpa qualifies

Can you get him a job there?

You are the boss. He is old.

Bridget, grandpa was an engineer

There is no way he's gonna work in the food court in the mall

Welcome to Davy Crockett's Remember The Alamo... Burger.

Okay, dude. Um, let me have a triple Alamo Burger, dude

What happened to 'Please', dude? -Please?

Is this yours, dude? -Whoa, dude!

I don't think I remember ordering a side of 'tude

Um, excuse me, Jim. Is there a problem?

'Jim'? I'm your grandfather, Kerry.

Look, I'm sorry for any trouble you may have had

Jim, please, apologize.

Apologize? I'd sooner eat the food here!

Grandp- Jim!

Look; I apologize. Your meal's on us.

Zach! Can you take the register?

Jim; Can I talk to you for a second?

Only for a second

I got a cigarette break coming up

and I'm getting a bit antsy