Down (The Shaft) (Down)

Okay, showtime.

It's my quarter. Come on, I...

Oh, boy, this is really something.

- Well, let me see. - Give me another quarter.

Thank the Lord for making babies like this.

Is she nude?

She's taking her bra off.

Oh, boy, I'm going to need a bigger telescope.

Come on, come on, give me another quarter.

This is my last one.

She's taking her panties off.

Whoa, there's two of them.

What, two panties?

Two women, you dumb-head.

They're getting down on him.

Both of them.

- Oh, let me look, let me look! - Okay, okay.

Hurry up, it's going to rain.

Where are they? Fuck!

- You moved the telescope. - What floor was it?

I don't know. You're too high. To the left, to the left.

Oh, oh, I got them. I got them.

Oh!

Oh, fuck! Give me a quarter. Give me a quarter.

- I don't have any quarters. - Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!

That's right, use your imagination.

Six-five, come in, please.

Yeah, six-five, Andy, here. What's up?

What's your position, six-five?

Uh, we're on the observatory deck on the 86th.

We can't see you on the monitor. Check the camera, will you?

Uh...oh, yeah.

I--I see what's wrong.

Some joker put a plastic bag over it.

Damn tourists.

Can you see me now?

Yes, we can. Thanks.

They were watching those hookers again.

Must be Thursday, then.

How time flies.

God.

Next time, bring more quarters.

Next time, I want to see some of that ass, too.

Whoa, that was a big one. Any damage?

No, everything seems fine.

I hope you're right.

the 66th.

They got a very interesting collection of Swedish videos down there,

and I'm not talking Ingmar Bergman either.

and I’m not talking Ingmar Bergman either.

Well, who's Ingmar Bergman?

He's an actor, stupid.

Hey, wait here a minute. I got to take a piss.

Yeah, he was in Casablanca.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Hey.

Hey--ahem.

Hey!

Stop it!

Oh.

Fucking doors.

Ah! Hey, if I tell you to stay open, stay open.

Aah!

What the fuck did you do?

I don't know. I...

Look at your flashlight. Who did you beat up?

Lt was the elevator. I...

No, watch out.

You watch out.

You know, one of these days I’m going to poison your donut.

Are you coming or what?

Yeah, sure.

Your mother sure ate a lot of red meat when she was pregnant.

The elevator did it.

How dumb can you get?

Hello?

Hey, Jeff.

Oh!

What the fuck are you doing there?

What, you--you couldn't make it to the front door?

They stole my keys.

Couldn't find them anywhere.

The keys? You mean those with the Porsche key ring?

Yeah, those.

Here.

Now hurry up, will ya? We're late as it is.

Where'd you find them?

Oh, my God, you have no idea how long I was looking.

I’m sure, I’m sure, Mark. At least two minutes.

Come on, move your ass. The bus is leaving in two more.

I’m going. I’ll break the speed limit, man.

Hey, I’ll be faster than lightning on steroids, okay?

All right. Be right there.

Man, you look like shit.

Smell it, too.

Must be my aftershave.

So, the two of you have a fight again?

Hey, man, what makes you think that we're fighting all the time?

I don't know, it's just a hunch.

Where are we going?

Village. Just routine check-ups today.

Exciting.

Now, look, just be grateful I found you this job.

Hey, I am grateful.

Just the first few months aren't all that exciting, that's all.

I wouldn't complain if I were you.

He comes to me and he says,

"You got to move up in the world, kid.

You know, I’m going to help you out."

I just didn't think that meant riding elevators all day long.

If you don't like it, then quit, okay?

- All right. - Go back to fixing Coke machines.

Okay, all right, my head is killing me.

I like this job.

What makes you think I, for real, don't like this job?

My ass is on the line, so don't fuck up.

I won't.

I solemnly swear.

Ln fact, I’m going to become

elevator mechanic of the year for you.

It's 8:45 on WNYS.

Time for a news and weather update.

Flooding caused by heavy rain showers

was reported in the Brooklyn area.

Air traffic at Kennedy Airport was delayed for more than one hour

due to a failure in the radar system.

The cause of the failure has yet to be established.

An investigation is underway.

Meteorologists say that last night

a record number of lightning strikes were counted.

There you are, sweetie.

Otherwise, I’ve got to go on to meet these people.

There's nothing I can do...

Grab my hand.

Careful.

Thank you, ma'am.

- Hit it. Hit the button. - Step all the way in.

Going up.

Morning, guys.

Thanks for taking over for me.

There was a traffic jam you wouldn't believe.

No problem. I had to wait anyway.

The wife's upstairs taking her pregnancy class.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

There's a little Freddy coming up.

Ln her 32nd week.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Come up nice and slowly.

Okay, that's it for today.

See you ladies next week.

- Goodbye! - Bye.

He's been kicking like hell all week now.

Sounds like his father.

I’m sure glad he's not around anymore.

Well, this is the easiest pregnancy I’ve ever had.

He's asleep all day.

Are you sure you're pregnant?

Well, I should think so.

Or this must be one hell of a tumor.

Listen to you. You are so bad.

I can't believe you.

Come on, ladies. Let's move it.

Well, I’m not looking forward to delivery day,

I can tell you that.

Just think of all those poor women in the middle of nowhere,

without any help.

Yeah, we are the lucky ones.

My, we are going fast, aren't we?

Yeah, is this normal?

Oops, we got a problem.

One of the express elevators again.

What do you mean "again"?

Must be something wrong with those lights.

It's the third time this week.

Every time there's nothing wrong.

It'll stop flashing in a few minutes.

Are you sure? My wife always uses them.

Mark my words.

Let me call maintenance just to be on the safe side.

See? What did I tell you?

They spend millions on those elevators.

They can't even buy a decent lamp.

What the hell happened?

We're stuck.

I told you we were going too fast.

- Everybody, okay? - I think I sprained my ankle.

Push the alarm.

It's dead. It's dead!

Strange, no network.

What are we going to do?

Let's just take it easy, now.

I’m sure they know by now that we're stuck.

Yeah, your husband works here, doesn't he?

Yeah. Yeah. He'll have us out in no time.

Don't worry.

They play like wimps.

Guys like that give basketball a bad name.

They'll beat the Knicks anytime, with their eyes closed

and one hand tied behind their backs.

Duane here.