Down Cemetery Road

Careful. Be careful with that. That's it. Mind the bump.

Take it right through to the end.

Yeah. That's it.

Fuck.

Sarah.

We're bringing all the Augustus Starcks down here for safekeeping.

Had a tip-off about a protest group.

Right. Of course.

Wondered when he'd get canceled.

He hasn't been canceled.

Well, his wife was only 15 when he married her. Just, you know, saying.

He was hugely influential. These are worth a fortune.

Come along, come along. This way.

Actually, you could put that one back on the wall.

Yeah, Augustus Starck didn't use cobalt blue, but his wife did.

That's a Christina Starck.

Latterly, he claimed a lot of her work was his.

Store it.

Shit.

Pace mine for you

Hold my horses

Patience

Every time the sun comes up I'm in trouble

Every time the sun comes up I'm in trouble...

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

What have you got there?

I saved it.

Wow! Brave.

There you are.

- Sorry, she was just... - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine.

You'll be the death of me.

Come on.

Even when the sun comes up I'm in trouble

Even when the sun comes up I'm in trouble

- Here you are. - Hey, Lenny.

Evening, Sarah.

Hey.

Smelling good.

What, me or the food?

All right.

You're not going for matching wine glasses?

Well, I thought that random ones might be a useful talking point. You know?

"Look. We bought this little tumbler on our travels

from a man with a wanking marmoset."

Yeah.

Let's just use the posh ones though.

This is the bank's top client we're talking about.

Can you do a salad dressing?

Sorry, hon, just quick work email.

Good day? Bad day?

Yeah, Keith Wang came in to talk to the fund management posse.

The Wang man always delivers.

Okay. All right. All right.

Just get it all out of your system now.

There's gonna be loads of investment talk tonight.

I really need you not to take the piss.

Gerard Inchon's a big catch.

Trust me, I'll be chatting acid peels with the ex-model wife.

What time are Steve and Becca due?

Yeah… Can't come.

Babysitter bailed, but don't worry, don't worry.

Replacements are sorted.

Who have you invited instead?

Sorry we're late.

Rufus just had to rush out and buy some vegan lube.

Hello, everyone.

Gerard, Paula. Wigwam and Rufus.

- Wigwam? - Hi.

And Rufus.

- Hi. It's lovely to meet you. - Marvelous.

Sounds like a 1960's folk duo or a pair of goldfish.

Gerard.

No, no. I'm just joshing. Good to meet you.

Sorry…

Oh, no. Shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Fuck.

Wigwam and Rufus? Jesus Christ.

Sorry. Everyone else was busy.

They're sweet. It'll be fine.

Oh, fuck.

- Rufus has got his balls out. - What?

- Wow. Goodness. - And he can play the spoons.

Okay. Can I get anybody a drink?

- Yes. - Finally.

Great veggie lasagna, Sare.

Yeah, lovely.

Especially that hint of…

What was it? Chernobyl?

I really love this salad bowl, Sarah.

Thanks. Yeah, I got it from a local artisan.

Yeah, lots of creative people live round here.

Why?

We're an alternative community.

- Yeah, I can see that. - Yeah.

So, Mark, when are you moving back to civilization?

Well, this is near where I work, so… Yeah.

You work? Let me guess.

Charity sector. Environment. Ethical publishing.

- Sarah's an art conservationist. - Right.

- I don't like to boast… - Are you sure?

…but I've got quite the impressive art collection myself.

Well, the bank has just started a crypto art portfolio.

My dealer says to avoid it.

I think my kids' art is just as good as the fancy stuff.

You know, our little Ziggy, he designed these.

You have children already?

Yeah, yeah. Four.

Four? You starting a cult?

Well, they're not Rufey's, but we're trying.

What about Sarah? Any plans for children?

Well, none that aren't private, Gerard.

I mean, we do. We definitely… We do want kids though. Don't we?

Sares, I think you'll feel so different when it's one of your own.

Yeah. So everyone says.

- But what if they're wrong? Hey? - Treat it like an investment.

You can get a good price for kids in some parts of the world.

I'm sorry, do you seriously think that adoption's a business opportunity?

It bloody well should be.

Adoption process round here's gone mad.

Social justice warriors screwed the system.

- More wine? - This part of town's

crawling with disenfranchised youths with daddy issues out for revenge.

Well, what's your solution, Gerard?

What? Put all the kids in private orphanages run by creepy priests?

And if not, oh, there'll be some massive urban revolt?

You may scoff, Sarah,

but come the revolution, bloody good luck to you.

Least I'll be armed and ready.

- Have you got a gun? - Got a whole collection, love.

So you see yourself as some kind of suburban warlord?

Osama bin Businessman, that's me.

Oh, God.

My children. My children!

Have you seen my kids? Has anybody seen my kids anywhere?

- Oh, my God. Wait! - Wigs, Wigs. Who were they with?

- Mummy! - There they are.

- Oh, God. Ziggy! Odin! - Mummy!

Oh, thank God!

- Mummy? - Yes, darling.

That's Dinah's house.

Please, God, no.

You go, babe. I'll stay and help.

Yeah.

- Come on. Quickly, darlings. - You look after your mum.

Let's get you safe. Come on.

They found someone.

There's a child.

Now, come on. Take this.

Let me talk to them.

Sure.

Thank you.

Is she okay?

Little girl was saved by a wardrobe.

Plod said her bed fell straight through the floor.

Wardrobe fell on top of her. Doors open.

- The wardrobe? - Seriously?

- Poor little girl. - Bloody miracle.

Firefighters think it's a gas main.

Jesus.

- Stop it, Mark. - All right, all right.

The light has shone on you tonight

But I'll go walking through The darkened streets alone

And fall asleep with a smile

Saving my pennies 'Cause the oracle told me so…

…WhatsApp or leave us a voicemail.

And for those of you just joining us, we return to our top story.

The emergency services were called out last night to a house in South Oxford,

the scene of a major domestic gas explosion.

The extent of the damage is not yet certain,

but a police spokesperson confirmed the house was occupied.

There is a suspected fatality,

but as yet, no further details have been released.

Police have secured the area...

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Well, if you're thinking,

"What is my husband doing sat on his arse listening to shit local news reports

while he could be out collecting debts for jobs he hasn't been paid for?"

Then, yeah, I am, which is spooky.

Actually, what I was thinking was…

this house explosion could be a bit of a cash cow.

In what way exactly?

Well, due diligence. Maybe the gas company didn't do it.

Maybe this case could go all the way to the top.

Well, maybe sort of all the way to the middle.

Bottom of the middle.

Middle of the bottom.

- Joe. - No?

Anyway…

I might do a bit of sniffing around.

Oh, God. When did you last sniff around these?

Spring?

I haven't had time to do the laundry.

I've been working on a divorce case.

Where do I sign?

For a client.

Is it another desperate damsel in search of a knight in shining cardie?

Maybe.

Okay, well…

While you work out how her case could bring down the government,