Alvarez Kelly

In every war... In every age...

The forgotten weapon is...

...Food. For to kill, soldiers must live...

...to live, they must eat.

And a herd of cattle is...

...as vital as a herd of cannon.

The United States in 1864.

Hey, we made it, amigos!

Whenever you're ready to talk business, Kelly, I'll be at my hotel.

- You're Steadman. - Major Steadman.

Major Steadman.

Sorry.

Major, I've got the most marvellous beef in the world for you.

The best beef in all of Mexico. No, Sanchez?

They're a little thin by now, but it's been a long walk.

- A few days in the pasture... - You are late, Mr. Kelly.

Ten days late. Ten miserable days in this stinking, hot town.

Is it Vermont or Massachusetts?

I'm from Boston...

...which, may I tell you, is one long way from this prairie rat hole.

Well, there are certain compensations, major, in a railroad town.

I was hoping that you brought a couple of them along.

I see.

I don't happen to be a procurer, Mr. Kelly.

Forgive me.

Whiskey or sherry?

I'm here on business, Mr. Kelly. United States Army business.

I'm waiting for an explanation.

What were you in civilian life?

A lawyer. I want an explanation.

Lawyer, huh?

- You've never driven cattle? - Hardly.

Hardly.

Three months, major. Not ten days.

Three months, staring into the rear ends of those beeves.

Smelling their stink, choking on their dust...

...listening to their damn bellowing night and day.

I'm a reasonable man.

If I weren't...

...I might go over to the other side and see how their manners are.

You'd do business with the Confederates?

No.

Their money's no good.

Kelly.

What's he doing?

If I'm not mistaken, someone's stealing my wine.

I thought you were a soldier, not a sheriff.

You like my wine, Paco?

I like it if you do, huh?

Costs five dollars a bottle.

That's ten dollars out of your pay.

Since you're a generous man, share the rest with your friends here.

I don't understand you. I don't understand you at all.

A thief should be punished.

We'll have dinner now.

And take a few more bottles of wine out to our friends.

He's a lonely thief, Steadman...

...trying to celebrate after a rough journey.

He'll be happy to go home.

They all will.

And so will I.

I'm afraid you won't be going home quite yet, Mr. Kelly.

There's been a change. Take the cattle by rail to Virginia.

Deliver them to a plantation near Richmond. The pasture is there.

You'll be paid on arrival.

That's not in the agreement.

I was ordered to bring the cattle here.

The war's going into a new phase.

We're concentrating on Richmond. And when we take it, we've won.

I don't care who wins.

You want that herd in Virginia?

It'll cost you five dollars per head extra.

I'm authorized to pay you one dollar a head extra. Not a penny more.

That's not Army beef yet, major.

Not until I get paid off on my contract.

The contract specifies, in rather small print, I'll admit:

" Payment shall be made when the beef is delivered to the area...

...deemed most urgent by the commanding general."

Which is 30 miles south of Richmond.

It's in order. I prepared it myself. Even specifying the size of the print.

Now those steers are going east, Mr. Kelly.

Oh, by Godfrey, that judge. He thought he had me licked.

Licked, Kelly.

But he underestimated the man he was dealing with.

I hit that judge...

I hit him with a writ of certiorari.

It's like a brilliant bolt out of the black, a tiger springing.

A writ of certiorari!

Play cards, Steadman.

Thousands of them.

The boys in blue are gonna eat beef tonight.

And tomorrow and next month. Till it's coming out of their craws.

Maybe it's our stomachs making us see what ain't there.

Colonel, how about me going and bringing back proof.

Just to make it official.

My orders are to scout that herd.

Go ahead.

Just make sure the Yanks don't scout me.

Oh, Lord.

This is always embarrassing.

I'm sure you'll handle it with your customary tact.

- Take over, captain. - Yes, sir.

Major Steadman, ma'am.

I'm Charity Warwick.

This is Alvarez Kelly, who brought the cattle here.

I was ordered to arrange quarters for the two of you.

Your men can camp in the field below the house.

Mr. Kelly, the grazing is best in the north pasture.

You may eat in my dining room tonight, major.

But from tomorrow on, you'll make other arrangements.

Mrs. Warwick...

...will you join us for dinner?

Nice try, but I don't think...

She's a lady, Kelly.

A great lady.

One rarely has the privilege to meet such a...

What does that mean?

Woman.

- Pick up those strays. - I'll get them.

Go get that meat!

Sir?

Cleet Warwick must be rolling around in his grave.

I'll bet this is the first time his place...

...has been lit up like that since Manassas.

- Eat while it's hot. - The man who brought the cattle.

- Colonel, I promise you... - That man really knew his business.

Moved that herd like it was a column of infantry.

That's prime beef, Johnny.

And there's enough down there to feed a lot of people...

...who haven't chewed on meat in a long, long time.

Thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty.

Now with the $10,000 advance paid to you in Mexico...

...it makes it a total of $50,000 and completes our original contract.

Plus the...

...additional $2500.

Just sign here.

- Buying beef at three dollars a head. - Two.

- And selling them for 20. - Not bad.

It's outrageous.

You go to some nice place to count your profits?

I spend it, Steadman. I spend it and enjoy it.

And when it's all gone, raise it again.

You make it sound simple.

It is, if you don't want it too bad.

Money, whiskey and women. Your three deities.

Tell me something, Mr. Kelly:

Have they made you a happy man?

No.

But not as miserable a one as you.

Mrs. Warwick.

Dinner is served, gentlemen.

How nice. You changed your mind.

A lady's privilege.

Your privilege is our pleasure, ma'am.

I got hungry.

Driving thousands of half-wild animals across thousands of miles.

For someone brought up in these parts, it seems impossible.

I have such respect for special knowledge.

It's nothing.

You certainly know how to charge for it.

Do you object to making money, Miss Charity?

In wartime? I think so.

Making money out of war. It's almost an act of nature.

Do you have any idea what a major's salary is?

I wasn't talking about that.

What about a colone"s salary? And the prestige afterward?

You'll carry that rank into every courtroom for life.

- I didn't go to war for that. - No, but you'll use it.

Every man, in his own special way, takes care of number one.

I don't admire men like that, Mr. Kelly.

Mrs. Warwick...

...if there were a kind of profit driven right into your own back yard...

...would there be any reason not to take advantage of it?

What do you mean by that?

I would say it's a matter of the north pasture.

The north... You're talking in riddles.

To you, ma'am?

I don't understand.

I was curious.

When Mrs. Warwick specified the north pasture, I wanted to know why.

The soil, major, is overworked.

Dying for the lack of fertilizer.

- Well, yes, but I still don't... - Manure, major.

I didn't know you were a farmer.

I was raised on a farm.

My father's estancia in Texas.

Estancia. What a lovely word.

So is caridad.

Charity.

Yes, it was lovely.

It was lovely and big.

Open.

Fifty families lived on it.

My father was like a lord. Like an Irish lord.

Yet this virtuous Irish lord...

...was not quite able to stop his son from turning pirate, was he?

Make jokes, Steadman, about the war, about God, and about me.

But don't make jokes about my father.

He was killed defending our home.

Mexican War, I think you called it.